Pregnant and single, all in the same day!

KitKat113

Hey, it's good to know i'm not alone, i'm 24 and about 12 weeks pregnant (waiting for confirmation of dating scan) and when i told my OH he went mental and told me to have an abortion, i haven't seen him since and have now heard he is seeing someone else!!

I live in a rented shared house with other young professionals and i have a half decent job and a good head on my shoulders, and more than anything really think i could be a good mum. But i'm completely and utterly lost as to where to go from here.

I don't have my own place and although i could (just) afford to rent on my own, i don't have a scrap of furniture and i can't move in then buy because things will be tight as it is! Also i've just found out that SMP is only £112 a week so how am i going to pay rent while i'm on leave with no one else supporting me?

Anyone who has been through or is going through a similar thing i'd love to hear from you too... help! x

[Deleted User]

hang on you young mummies to be. Having a baby is the most wonderful experience you will ever have. A baby needs very little. A drawer instead of a fancy bassinet, mummy boobs, nappies, bedding and some clothes. Just watch how your families rally round when it sinks in and your mums will help all they can when they get over the shock

what I really want to say is that the DADS need to give financial help

tsstss7

Hi KitKat113

Just a quicky to let you know - you will be entitled to extra help when on maternity.

So long as you are on maternity leave from work (ie still employed whether or not you go back) you can get working tax credits from the time you start to receive smp and child tax credits as well as child benefit of £18.10 /wk for first child from the date your child is born.

You may also get housing benefit and council tax benefit (you should move before you start to claim - I'm assuming a professional shared house with a baby is a no no) make sure you do not move to a house that they will consider too big I was hit with this (even though my rent is less than the market rates for a property of the size they specify and so will only have about £10.00/wk to live on after rent/bills as a consequence hence I will be going back to work p/t as soon as I've found a childminder and another job!

If after these you are still on a small income you may also get a sure start maternity grant - check the entitledto.com web site for a better idea.

My best advice to you would be to find a local community advice centre as they will have loads of information/resources available and will be able to sighpost you to the appropriate people/places to go for help including accessing cheap furniture etc when you move.

BTW GOOD LUCK - BEING A MUM IS GREAT WHETHER YOU ARE SINGLE OR OTHERWISE!

Nicifer_noonoo

Thankyou for all of your kind replies. I am feeling much better about the situation, though now faced with the dilemma over whether to leave work or not. I'm going to see student support at university to find out exactly how I'll manage, but feeling much more positive.

grahamliza4

Nicifer, kitkat, I think you are both going to be fine. I'm so pleased there are decent, sensible people like you two out there. I've seen so many women have abortions because a baby wasnt convienient at the time/they couldnt afford the private school fees/had just booked a holiday/etc and 100 other stupid reasons. At the risk of sounding soppy, having a baby is the most fantastic thing ever and you wont properly understand until you are holding it yourself - they smell wonderful when they are first born - bizarre I know - like dough or warm cookies or baking bread, I couldnt describe it properly but you'll know when you get there.

AND, the others in this thread are right, a child doesnt need much. We picked up a Little Tykes car at the dump last week for £1! Our neighbours said it was disgusting and they would never allow their kids second hand toys, but a scrub down later and mine are whizzing round the garden and thats £50 saved!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/columnists/columnists.html?in_article_id=490097&in_page_id=1772&in_author_id=502

Good luck ladies, remember, it's YOU who are worth it.

Margaret54

Hi and congratulations love. You will be a wonderful Mum, and as others have said here, there will be lots of support for you. I too was pregnant and left on my own at the age of 21 and it was not easy as i had no support at all, not even family, but i wanted my baby and he is a wonderful son and is married with two beautiful children and a lovely wife and i have never regretted having him. Please take good care of yourself, and although i can understand how scarey it must feel, and with the split as well and everything happening at once, you will be fine. You sound like a strong person, and i wish you all the very best. Margaret xx

geekgirl

Nicifer_noonoo wrote: »

I am feeling much better about the situation,

Well done girl. The first of many years of being a good strong woman/mother.
It will be tricky and you will have to make sacrifices as you probably already know but the good bits so outweigh any hard bits.

Get yourself a good buddy to come to your antenatal appointments and find someone you trust to come to the birth with you. Support is everything. If you do not have a close family member or friend to go to the birth with you you can use a doula. There is a sticky about doulas on the family and relationship board.

Good luck and hugs.

wifeforlife

Nicifer_noonoo wrote: »

Hi everyone...
About four hours ago my otherhalf left me, and I found out I was pregnant about an hour before that. It's my first baby and something that has been much longed for, but I'm only 21 and although I have my own house and car, I'm just starting to panic that I can't give my baby everything it needs. I just can't relax!
I think I'm just asking for reassurance that it CAN be done. I'm sorry this is such a wet thread, lol...I just have no one to turn to.

Thanks
Nic

Hey Nic!!!!!

Congratulations on being pregnant! I was 21 when I was pregnant with my dd who is now 4 yrs old.

My partner left me when I was 3 months pregnant so I know exactly what your feeling. I thought my life had ended and I'll not lie and say it's been all easy, but I wouldnt change things ever, and I would never go back with out my dd. She is my strength, my happiness, my everything and I love her so so much.

First things first, concentrate on yourself and your baby at the minute. I know you wont feel like you can, and you'll probably pine over your ex but I promise having your bump to think about will give you strength and courage like you wont believe. Thats not to say you'll not cry and suffer temporarily from times of depression but you'll survive, you are a survivor!

Please dont be afraid to pm me or post anytime, also join the pregnancy club and really put everything into your bump

Lots of hugs and lots of love to you and your new bump

Cate

emsywoo123

Well hello and congrats to pregnant ladies out there! I fell pregnant at 21, and my daughters father walked out the door when she was 10 weeks old and did not come back. He was awful anyway, but thats not the point! Iwas shell shocked and terrified, and completely thought I would fall apart..........
4 years on, she is the most wonderful child imaginable, and a joy to be with. No one can ever explain how your mentality will change when you are a mum, and how all your goal posts change!
well done for asking for help/advice/a sympathetic ear.
No one ever thinks have have enough time/money/stability for a baby-but as many other posters have said, they really don't need much.
good luck and big hugs, keep us updated
xxxxxxxxxx

scousemouser43

Congrats

just a quick note i was mortified when our 18 year old daughter told us she was pregnant, she to was in the same situation as you. but we both came round to the news. hence she gave birth to a beautiful son and made me a very proud Dad and Granddad

So please enjoy you pregnancy and don't forget to record your next 9 months so as to look back on and say what was all the fuss

take care of yourself and keep in touch with us all