Wanting to move away - ex will try and stop me

Detroit

I would advise you consult a family solicitor. Some citizens advice offices can refer you for a free initial interview.

Aced2016

I find this selfish to be honest and all about you !
Fair enough your getting divorced, but you created a child with him so have to accept he's there. Holidays and a video chat are not good enough ! How would you feel if that was the option for you ?

So basically your taking you son out of school away from his friends and dad. And taking him 200 miles to live with the new boyfriend !! I certainly wouldn't be worrying about the ex I'd be more concerned about my son and his mental health by doing all this. And have you thought what happens if this relationship fails? Will he be moved away from the new school back to where you started ?

Please just think about your son, focus on his happiness. Just my opinion and you may not agree. If me and my husband split tomorrow my sole focus would only be my kids, not what suited me and my love life.

Detroit

In fairness, the OP has provided additional information that does cast a different light on things.

What may initially have appeared a selfish act could in the light of the fathers behaviour, which includes violence towards the OP, be a genuine belief the new life style would be better for her son as well as herself.

Growing up with a stepfather who is decent, and respects and cares for his mother may well be preferable for the child than spending time with a natural father, who from the OPs account, is at best disinterested, and at worst abusive to others.

However, this would be for a court to decide.

Marvel1

Would you be ok if the roles were reversed?

Would you be happy if your son spent the 6 whole weeks summer with his dad?

tacpot12

cjdavies wrote: »

Would you be ok if the roles were reversed?

Would you be happy if your son spent the 6 whole weeks summer with his dad?

I don't think that that is a relevant question. The OP has a completely different relationship with her son to that which the father had and has.

My experience is that a family court will not oppose a reasonable request. Moving 200 miles away certainly creates extra difficulties and costs for the father in order to have contact, but it is not unreasonable. In my case, my ex moved to a foreign country; providing my ex agreed to arrange contact after the move, the court did not prevent her moving there even though the country was on the list of UN sanctioned countries!

I would suggest to the OP that she explains the reason for the move to the father as being in the best interests of her son overall, and states that she regrets the distance involved and knows that this will cause problems for the father, but be firm that she will move while she regards it in the best interests of her and her son. If the OP expects to be finacially better off as a result of the move, perhaps some cost-sharing arrangement could be agreed with the father to allow contact to happen, or to happen more frequently than the father could otherwise afford. Given how these things tend to evolve, I'd suggest that any money is only passed to the father after the contact has actually occurred.

FBaby

Yes, he could find another job but he's been with his current employer for 15 years and has good benefits with them which he would lose and wouldn't get with another company

This is nothing compared to what you expect your son to give up. I know it is hard to separate the feelings you have for someone who's treated you badly from the feeling someone you love have for that same person, but you have to consider this.

My mum moved 250 miles away when I was 7yo, although in her case, it was for work. She told me and my dad that it would be ok, that I would still see my dad but it just couldn't be as it was before and I missed my dad terribly. Thankfully, 3 years later, we moved back to the area and I was able to rekindle my relationship with my dad. I will always remember the day, when I was 8 and my dad showed up at a play my class was putting in front of the whole school. I'd traveled all the way to be able to come and see it. It was so happy to show my dad to all my friends and it was so special to have him there for the first time.

However you try to justify it, by moving so far away, you will take something away from your son and my feeling is that if your OH was fully dedicated to accept you AND your son in his life, he would accept that it comes with changing jobs and you would accept that it might take longer to finally moving in together.

You are also naive to assume that all will be well between your partner and son because they got along well the few times they met. That's usually is the case when someone meets their partner's children. It becomes a completely different matter when they start to live with them, have to cope with tantrums, mess, different views on upbringing, having to support a stressed partner because of the constant fight with the ex, trying to build a relationship with a kid who will shout at you 'you're not my dad'.

Have you considered the impact on your son if things don't work out, you move him there, he becomes cranky and difficult because he misses his dad and friends, your partner thinks you are not disciplining your son enough, you start arguing all the time and things get so bad, you decide to separate, moving your son yet again?

You really need to think this through and decide what is right with your head rather than your heart. You've only been with your partner 1 year, in these circumstances, it's a very short time.

FBaby

My experience is that a family court will not oppose a reasonable request.

Indeed, reasonable, but would they deem it reasonable when the relationship is still at the early stage and OP's partner and son hardly know each other.

Courts are much less supportive of 'kids are always better with their mum' then they used to, so would definitely consider giving residency to dad if the court felt that he would have a more stable life there. It could go either way really.

Comms69

lynseydee wrote: »

My ex and I are going through a divorce. He is making things difficult for me with regards to the house and I'm being left to struggle financially.

I have met someone new and we have discussed moving in together. The thing is my new partner lives over 200 miles away and I want to move to be with him. Property is also much cheaper where he lives. My partner has tried getting a transfer with his work but it's proving difficult to get a position at his level local to me.

I know my ex will try and stop me as he tried taking me to court for custody of our son when I moved back to be near my family which is about an hour away from where we lived.

What I want to know is can he stop me from moving? I would plan on still making sure contact took place, maybe not like it is at the moment because of the distance, but would make sure he still had holidays with him and video chat so he would still have some form of contact.

We do have a contact order in place so would that also have an impact on where I could move to?

I'm worrying myself stupid over my ex when all I want to do is think about mine and my son's future.

Your son's future without a dad.....


Look legally you can move anywhere you want with-in the UK. Abroad would require permission.


However, basically you're putting yourself before anyone else. Sorry but I don't think a child having 200 miles between themselves and a parent is a good idea - especially where there doesn't seem to be any reason to do so (except wanting to improve your love life)

davidwood681

I'm with the majority on here. You're being selfish and thinking of yourself.

Just because you talk to your new boyfriend on the phone every day doesn't mean you should drag your son 200 miles to live with him.

Your ex might be a bad partner but you have no rights to deny him a relationship with his son.

If I was him, I'd go for 50% custody (every father should have that right) and if you did decide to move, make you travel the 200 mile trip to drop him off.

The reality is though, as you're a woman, society and the courts still see you as a better parent.....so who knows what they will decide

elsien

lynseydee wrote: »

If I was really thinking about my son I would just move and not tell my ex. Any father that thinks it's alright to grab the mother by the throat and threaten to f*cking kill you one day is definitely not putting his child first. I'm thinking about him still having a relationship with his father, the father who never even wanted him to begin with and left me when I was pregnant.

.

That may all be true, but you've been to court and the judge has decreed a certain level of contact. Is your son's father sticking to the contact agreement that is already in place and having regular contact. He may have left you when you were pregnant but if your child is now 6, he's clearly watned to maintain the relationship with him. It may be different if he was messing your son around with the arrangements. .