Wanting to move away - ex will try and stop me

lynseydee

My ex and I are going through a divorce. He is making things difficult for me with regards to the house and I'm being left to struggle financially.

I have met someone new and we have discussed moving in together. The thing is my new partner lives over 200 miles away and I want to move to be with him. Property is also much cheaper where he lives. My partner has tried getting a transfer with his work but it's proving difficult to get a position at his level local to me.

I know my ex will try and stop me as he tried taking me to court for custody of our son when I moved back to be near my family which is about an hour away from where we lived.

What I want to know is can he stop me from moving? I would plan on still making sure contact took place, maybe not like it is at the moment because of the distance, but would make sure he still had holidays with him and video chat so he would still have some form of contact.

We do have a contact order in place so would that also have an impact on where I could move to?

I'm worrying myself stupid over my ex when all I want to do is think about mine and my son's future.

pinkshoes

I think you are putting your own needs ahead of that of your child.

You may not be together, but you have a child together, and moving 200 miles away is neither fair on your child nor your ex. I totally see why he is angry.

If he had custody and moved 200 miles away to be with another woman, how would you feel???

Has your child met this new boyfriend? How long have you been together?

Ms_Chocaholic

How old is your child and what contact does he have with his dad now.

Mojisola

lynseydee wrote: »

My ex and I are going through a divorce.

I have met someone new and we have discussed moving in together. The thing is my new partner lives over 200 miles away and I want to move to be with him.

I know my ex will try and stop me as he tried taking me to court for custody of our son when I moved back to be near my family which is about an hour away from where we lived.

How long have you been separated? Your son has already had one move and you now have the support of your family around you.

Isn't it a bit soon to make yet another move when you don't know if the new relationship is going to last?

LilElvis

I can't believe that a mother would consider that "holidays" and "video chat" constitutes a meaningful amount of contact with their child's father. You're not thinking about "mine and my son's future", you're thinking about yourself and spending your time with your boyfriend at the expense of your son's relationship with his father. I hope he does pursue custody.

Detroit

He could apply for a court order to stop you. The court would decide what was in your son's best interests.

It may be difficult to show that another move to 200 miles from father, family and friends, to live with you and your partner is in his best interests, but you never know. A family solicitor could give you a better idea.

Alternatively, it may be better all round for your partner to move to you. Where one party has children, it's often preferable for the other person to fit in with the existing arrangements rather than cause upheaval for a child.

lynseydee

pinkshoes wrote: »

I think you are putting your own needs ahead of that of your child.

You may not be together, but you have a child together, and moving 200 miles away is neither fair on your child nor your ex. I totally see why he is angry.

If he had custody and moved 200 miles away to be with another woman, how would you feel???

Has your child met this new boyfriend? How long have you been together?

If I was really thinking about my son I would just move and not tell my ex. Any father that thinks it's alright to grab the mother by the throat and threaten to f*cking kill you one day is definitely not putting his child first. I'm thinking about him still having a relationship with his father, the father who never even wanted him to begin with and left me when I was pregnant.

I've not discussed it with my ex yet as at the moment it's only an idea.

I've been with my partner a year and my son has met him. They get on really well together.

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

How old is your child and what contact does he have with his dad now.

My son is 6 and he sees him every other weekend, one day during the week for tea and we share the school holidays. He would see him more but he told the Judge during the custody hearing that it would suit him better seeing his son for tea on a Friday thereby denying himself an extra 26 days with him.

Mojisola wrote: »

How long have you been separated? Your son has already had one move and you now have the support of your family around you.

Isn't it a bit soon to make yet another move when you don't know if the new relationship is going to last?

We've been separated for three years but not living together for 2 1/2 years.

I've been with my new partner just over a year and feel it's the right time to move our relationship on.

lynseydee

LilElvis wrote: »

I can't believe that a mother would consider that "holidays" and "video chat" constitutes a meaningful amount of contact with their child's father. You're not thinking about "mine and my son's future", you're thinking about yourself and spending your time with your boyfriend at the expense of your son's relationship with his father. I hope he does pursue custody.

A mother who had to encourage him to bond with his son from the moment he was born. I'm not thinking about myself at all. My son is everything to me but I don't see why I should be made to feel held at ransom over someone who is just a bully at the end of the day. He will do anything he can to hurt me if he doesn't get his own way. Surely that's not him thinking about his son at all.

Ms_Chocaholic

You say you have been with your partner one year but, due to him living 200 miles away, how much time have you actually spent together in that time?

lynseydee

Detroit wrote: »

He could apply for a court order to stop you. The court would decide what was in your son's best interests.

It may be difficult to show that another move to 200 miles from father, family and friends, to live with you and your partner is in his best interests, but you never know. A family solicitor could give you a better idea.

Alternatively, it may be better all round for your partner to move to you. Where one party has children, it's often preferable for the other person to fit in with the existing arrangements rather than cause upheaval for a child.

Detroit, trust me, my partner has tried to get a transfer through work but because he's in a managerial position it's more difficult for him to be transferred than if he was in a lower position. Yes, he could find another job but he's been with his current employer for 15 years and has good benefits with them which he would lose and wouldn't get with another company. I live in quite an expensive area of the country where rents especially are quite high. I know once the divorce is finalised I'm going to struggle to rent and not need to dip into any settlement I get. A settlement that is supposed to help me get a secure property for me and my son.

lynseydee

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

You say you have been with your partner one year but, due to him living 200 miles away, how much time have you actually spent together in that time?

We have spent quite a bit of time together despite the distance and we talk every day, whether it's a phone call or video chatting. He's an old family friend so I'm not just jumping in with a complete stranger.