Wanting to move away - ex will try and stop me

TBagpuss

Spendless wrote: »

I do know of a case where child lived with Dad in Yorkshire and wished to move to Scotland (where Dad was from). Mum went back to court saying that the contact (mid-week) was being broken.

Court ruled that not only could Dad not move to Scotland, he could only move within a 25 mile radius. Contact was to go to half of all school holidays plus alternate weekends. Each year Christmas was to be spent with one parent and New year with the other and the following year the opposite way round.

Just making you aware of something that did happen when a parent wanted to move away and the other objected.

Moving to Scotland does change things, though. Scotland has a separate jurisdiction and there are different rules where a parent wants to move a child out of the jurisdiction (i.e. out of England & Wales) than if they want to move within it.

In addition, each case is looked at on its own merits and things like the reasons for the move, and the relationship and contact the child has with each parent are relevant.
A situation where a child had a strong, positive relationship with the non-resident parent, and spent significant amounts of time with them would be treated differently to one where there was a lower level of contact or where the relationship was not so positive, for instance. Equally if a court takes the view that the move is motivated by a wish to stop of reduce contact, that will also make a difference.

It is very unusual to restrict where a parent can live with a child so it is likely that there were specific or unusual circumstances in the case you heard about.

Alternate weekends, half school holidays and alternate Christmases is an extremely common pattern for contact, it's not at all surprising or unusual for a court to make a order for that level of contact.

FBaby

If the only viable option is for the OP to move, and the court does not prevent her, it may be best to find another place for herself and her son in the new partners area rather than move into his home.

That certainly would be a better decision, but I can't see how OP would consider this when money seems to be the reason why her DP and her have decided that it was better for her to move with him rather than him looking for a job locally.

I think the risk in this case is that OP clearly despise her ex and doesn't come across as able to accept that she might hate her ex, but that doesn't mean that her child does too, nor that deprive him of contact could actually harm her child.

It is very common for mothers to move away, make so many promises to their kids and ex that she will ensure that contact continues regularly, until it puts a real strain on her finances/time and suddenly, excuses come as to why they can't facilitate it any longer, finding reasons to blame the ex for contact to be difficult and putting the full onus on them to make it happen despite the difficulties.

There been posts when a mother has shared her intention of taking her children away but in circumstances that made it more compromising for her partner to be the one moving, either because of him having children who would be the one suffering from not seeing their dad as regularly, or being self-employed and not able to move the business, or being a carer to elderly parents. In this case, it sounds that the only block is him losing his good income, having looked for an alternative job only for a short period.

It sounds like OP is gambling with her child best interest because she is not prepared to be a bit more patient and wait until her OH do find a decent job where she is, unless he really has no intention to move and doesn't care on how it impacts on the boy, or OP is using this as an excuse to move as far away from her ex as possible.

FBaby

Alternate weekends, half school holidays and alternate Christmases is an extremely common pattern for contact, it's not at all surprising or unusual for a court to make a order for that level of contact.

Absolutely, and indeed, the most likelihood is that a judge would support the move as long as this sort of contact arrangement remains, however, the judge could very much order that all travel arrangements are made and paid for by OP.

Have you considered this OP? Would you be able to afford the petrol? What would you do, travel to your ex, drop your boy and then what, pay for a hotel to stay there, travel further and stay with your family? Would your DP come with you or stay so that you are apart every other week-end? Have you actually discussed the logistics and whether this would be feasible?

harrys_nan

I have to say, my mother remarried when I was about7/8 and went on to have 2 more children with my stepfather. She left him and moved from London to the Midlands when the youngest was 9 and quite frankly it was the best thing she ever did for us, both my 2 sisters are still affected by his violence even though they are in their 50/60'sDo you think its fun seeing your mother being beaten up or me for that matter? thankfully they were both too young for him to get that violent with but even so so they were verbally bullied and the eldest one was interfered with by him, He was a dominating bully, but I'm going back to the 60's when there really wasn't much help around

Spendless

TBagpuss wrote: »

Moving to Scotland does change things, though. Scotland has a separate jurisdiction and there are different rules where a parent wants to move a child out of the jurisdiction (i.e. out of England & Wales) than if they want to move within it.

In addition, each case is looked at on its own merits and things like the reasons for the move, and the relationship and contact the child has with each parent are relevant.
A situation where a child had a strong, positive relationship with the non-resident parent, and spent significant amounts of time with them would be treated differently to one where there was a lower level of contact or where the relationship was not so positive, for instance. Equally if a court takes the view that the move is motivated by a wish to stop of reduce contact, that will also make a difference.

It is very unusual to restrict where a parent can live with a child so it is likely that there were specific or unusual circumstances in the case you heard about.

Alternate weekends, half school holidays and alternate Christmases is an extremely common pattern for contact, it's not at all surprising or unusual for a court to make a order for that level of contact.

It wasn't a case I'd just heard of. I knew the people concerned. There was not special or unusual circumstances in the case, other than child lived with Dad. He's 23 now so probably less single Dads back then. Later Mum used to post on here, though she hasn't for many years. I stumbled on that by chance, we having messaged each other over something else and discovered we were neighbours. I worked out who she was from her posts, though she was unaware of me, the link to me was via the child's Dad and step-mum.

Prior to Mum taking to court over the moving to Scotland the half school hols and alternate weekends and Xmas/New Year hadn't been set by the court, though Mum had been back in court on a few occassions prior to this trying to gain residency of the child. It was only when Mum went back to court complaining about mid-week contact not being able to be stuck to if the child moved away, that the restriction on moving plus the amount of time each had the child for was ruled. The 25 mile radius ruling kept the completely in England and stopped them moving to different parts of it.

kingfisherblue

FBaby wrote: »

Absolutely, and indeed, the most likelihood is that a judge would support the move as long as this sort of contact arrangement remains, however, the judge could very much order that all travel arrangements are made and paid for by OP.

Have you considered this OP? Would you be able to afford the petrol? What would you do, travel to your ex, drop your boy and then what, pay for a hotel to stay there, travel further and stay with your family? Would your DP come with you or stay so that you are apart every other week-end? Have you actually discussed the logistics and whether this would be feasible?

My ex moved away from the area where we live. He had met someone else through work, and she was from the Midlands. We lived (and I still live) in the North West.

My ex has to travel up to see our children. He sees them at a family member's home. I drop the kids off there, and he returns them to my home (I live a few miles from his family member). My ex has to pay all of his own costs to come up and see the children each week.

To be fair, he does come up most weeks, although it's to see his family as well. I know that his family help with petrol costs. However, I have occasionally dropped my son off at my ex's house, so that he can stay. The judge ruled that I should not be out of pocket because of his decision to move so far away.

Katgrit

OP, if you're still reading them here's my two penneth.

Your boyfriend could move here but he's is refusing because it would mean changed to income. He'd need to stay with the same company but move to a lesser role, or start with a different company, which would mean losing benefits and perks. One of your reasons for moving is that you can't afford to go it alone where you are now.....but even a decreased additonal income would put more money into your (new) family pot. Please don't look at higher job status and benefits as the be all and end all. At the moment your new partner is putting his managerial status and benefits before your Son. I think you're not putting enough consideration to him moving to you. You're just saying "he can't because of his job". Take your blinkers off and see that compromises need to be made on all sides. For your boy's sake.

FBaby

At the moment your new partner is putting his managerial status and benefits before your Son.

To be fair, if it was my son in this situation, ie. settled in a good job, met someone only 12 months ago, hardly knowing her son, and he was saying that he was going to give up his good job to move in with them and take whatever job he could find locally, I would be advising him to think twice about it. After all, he could do all this, move in and then be kicked out by OP a few months down the line because OP doesn't like his attitude towards her son.

Meeting someone who lives that far away when you have a child is always going to be a difficult situation for both and the only way for each to protect themselves is to take even longer before taking the big step to move in together.

System

I'd be thinking of what back up I'd have if things go sour...purely for the child's sake.

onomatopoeia99

Katgrit wrote: »

At the moment your new partner is putting his managerial status and benefits before your Son

Sensible man - why should he sacrifice his career on the altar of her child(ren)? What if he makes the big change some are suggesting, takes the hit and in a year's time she decides she likes the single dad she met at the school gates better and dumps this boyfriend for him? He's given up loads for her and she's walked off.