Prosperous soul in the making

MovingForwards

DD should be able to get the form witnessed by anyone.
Stand your ground and don't be guilt-tripped. Yes things were done for DS that can't be done for her, it's a learning curve and an unfortunate one. If handled right by her, will teach the standing on own feet lesson, how money doesn't grow on trees and the biggest of all saving to get what she wants / needs. Is she tapping her dad for things too?

Water pump is always done at the same time as the cam, due to access. They tend to cost under £30 and to do it as a standalone item if it went, isn't cheap. Can you ask a few workmates with cars where they go as it should be cheaper at an independent compared to a dealer.

EssexHebridean

Agree that an independent garage ought to be less. Don't tell wherever you take it that you've already had a quote from "X" otherwise they will know roughly how high they can pitch their quote too - let them imagine they're the first place you've taken it but "let slip" that you'll be getting three quotes before the work is done. 

On the LFT's, don't over-think it. Grab the instruction leaflet out and just read through it before you're done. Remeber if you're at risk of "fouling" the swab on the inside of your mouth due to gag-reflex even the old style tests CAN be done with 10 sweets of each nostril instead of tonsils + nostrils, and it's probably better to do that method well than the tonsils badly. I have to use that method. the new tests are nostrils only anyway, I believe, due to them realising how many folk were getting the swab in other places in their mouths on the way out! 

lucielle

Hope you manage to get a test done and it comes back clear.  Yes still doing PT had a session today, pity he wouldn't let me use the boxing gloves as its been one of those days.
L

savingholmes

Thanks MF I hear you. Will think on it some more re DD and also re car.

Thanks EH. I will nip out tonight and get tests. DD is doing them twice a week anyway. Our area is pretty bad for c19.

Lucielle, sorry you've had a nightmare day. Hope it's sorted soon.

I had a meeting cancelled so had a late lunch and went out with the dog. She ran off squirrel hunting while they laughed from a safe distance.

It did me good to get out in nature.

Ex has completed his property transfer forms today and asked if I want to sign them at the same time. I can apparently as I checked with the conveyancer but will check with divorce solicitor whether I should wait for consent order sign off. It has been issued to a judge for approval so hopefully not long now. Just hoping there are no last minute hitches.

I ended up finishing early for me due to the latter discussion.

Elisheba

savingholmes said:

Thanks Elisheba

I would love to hear more about what kind of creative writing you are interested in / doing. I find that if I can do a solid chunk of writing while I am on leave then I find it easier to carry on once I'm back at work. I'm writing young adult fantasy stories - although I have been on an extended break while I deal with the divorce. I hope to get back to it soon. I also love doing acrylic pouring abstract art. 

I literally am desperate just to be left alone. Family are concerned I'll be lonely - they just don't get it. I need that time alone like a drowning person needs air. I feel like I am in deficit when it comes to time alone - and it will take my solitude tank a long time to refill due to having had everyone home for so long over the last 18 months. 

Case in point Ex has just returned home. I can tell from inside by the noise of his media playing in his car as he drove up... Kind of sums things up...

Regarding creative writing, it has been so long since I sat down and wrote that I don't really know anymore. It used to be purely fantasy, but I'm still rebuilding my identity after my own divorce and I've discovered a lot of my preferences have changed since the olden days. 

I really hope you get your solitude soon. It sounds like it will do wonders for you. I had to live with my ex for a fairly long time after we split and it was pretty hideous. 

savingholmes

Elisheba said: Regarding creative writing, it has been so long since I sat down and wrote that I don't really know anymore. It used to be purely fantasy, but I'm still rebuilding my identity after my own divorce and I've discovered a lot of my preferences have changed since the olden days. 

I really hope you get your solitude soon. It sounds like it will do wonders for you. I had to live with my ex for a fairly long time after we split and it was pretty hideous. 

Perhaps you could try writing individual scenes based on pictures or one line prompts and see where they take you.

I hear you on preferences changing and rebuilding your identity. I am changing a lot currently and it will be interesting to see where I end up. I am challenging myself on long held beliefs and ways of acting - and I no longer know what I believe. It will all come right one day. That's partly what the counsellor is for - processing everything out loud - and then hearing the ridiculousness of some of it for myself.

I am due to get my solitude within a few weeks hopefully but it all depends on the speed of a judge...  I hate the not knowing.

Ex is mostly amicable but there have been blocks of days where he hasn't spoken to me and then other days when it's OTT how much he wants to talk... I think because I'm keeping the house and much of its contents that's harder on him but he doesn't want to pay for his own place or storage yet - so that's a choice he's making. He's leaving behind a lot of the clutter and historical stuff for me to sort through but on the flip side he'll have higher set up costs when he finally gets his own place again but will have a cleaner start. There are things that I treasure that he's leaving behind so that is good. Likewise he's taking some art work that I no longer like so that's positive too.

Until I asked for a divorce I hadn't realise how much I'd compromised. My house is already becoming more colourful. I never  noticed the low level barrage of criticism disguised as concern that fuelled my perfectionism but now I do. As the kids grew up our lives became more separate - and I became a lower and lower priority. I don't remember when we stopped being hospitable... I'm already reconnecting with friends more but still not enough and I also need new ones. I'm really enjoying the balance class I'm doing...

I am more of a calculated risk taker than him but he is still impetuous with £ in a way that I will no longer tolerate. I hadn't realised how much I 'parented' my Ex until I decided to divorce and then it was like floodgates of memory opened and I could no longer unsee it. I think I was brought up to look after others and put them first. Now I am finally putting myself first - or trying to. It's a journey - and I need a bit of a pendulum swing before eventually settling closer to the middle.

I am excited about finally being able to grow my net worth without constant sabotage from others. I need to protect that though and not give in to others pressure to help them meet their goals at the expense of my own... (I know EH and MF - I know - working on it). For me the net worth is tangible and measurable and potentially a compass point in a sea of change. I'll get there. Thanks for coming with... 

Drawingaline

Watching a few close friends go through a divorce atm and I am amazed at the stuff that comes out. Glad you are working with a counsellor to help reset your priorities. I agree with the parenting of the other adult, mine isnt to bad, but I find myself doing it sometimes. 

Yours seems to have gone through pretty quickly compared to others and while it may not be 100% amicble it seems so much better than some. Keep looking forward 

MovingForwards

We do notice a lot when separating. Everything we put up with, compromised on and let the other do to make them happy, all comes to light and with the realisation that we lost ourselves along the way. 

Friends commented I had a laugh and big smile, how my face lit up when talking. I never noticed them slip away over the previous two decades. I still remember a photo I put up of myself and the comments; a simple act, yet powerful result and the beginning of a discovery of who I am and what I want from life.

I will always offer support to someone going through a divorce as it's good to see living proof of what's on the otherside.

May your journey be full of adventures too!

savingholmes

Thanks DAL and MF

I do feel lucky in the divorce CF to others. Things could be a lot worse.

On a different note, Ex is taking the TV so I think I will cancel the TV licence as I mainly watch utube Pr1me and when I subscribe neflx. That £13 pcm could be a help...

hugglemonster

That compromise thing is a biggy, definitely need to make sure it's not always you who is doing the compromising but can be difficult to see it at the time. 

I know it goes round with me and dh, he has his problems and I need to support him through those times. He does however make sure that I have my time too and I come first whether it's sport, my work or anything else. 

Keep going, you must still be in limbo but the new start is in sight.

H x