Prosperous soul in the making

Grogged

What a great counsellor, you picked a winner there.
Sounds like you're approaching the home straight on the divorce and mortgage, which should lift a lot from your shoulders.
Hopefully the weekend will recharge the batteries as well.
Take care, G.

Honeysucklelou2

The shed  looks amazing SH! 

savingholmes

Thanks Jwil, GAP, Lucielle, HSL and Grogged

Commiserations GAP. 

My counsellor is fab. Had a lovely time out last night - although they started doing a pub quiz so we came back here for coffee and cake. Good job I had it in... She's thinking of joining the gym properly that I go to so may start coming to some of the same classes. She was also interested if I did decide to start a writing group... One step at a time - trying not to over-commit to too much stuff. I came back feeling refreshed which given how I felt earlier in the day was a major result. 

Today though my head is still completely mush. Taking it easy. Will take the dog for a walk shortly so she can chase squirrels and I can look at beauty. 

This weekend we are starting the process of emptying the loft... but I may try and fit in some art creation too and see if that relieves the pressure in my head.

MovingForwards

Everything will start to become clear as you settle. It's absolutely the right thing to have all these different ideas and in time you'll know which to take forward, what to rework and the ones to shelve. 

Hope the air and natural beauty force out some of the mush.

doingitanyway

So good to come back on here and read you are doing so well. Like you I found a lovely counsellor. It makes all the difference. Hope you enjoyed your walk.

savingholmes

Thanks MF and DIA
Glad you found a good counselor DIA.

Well today I have been weeding through boxes out the loft. 1 box to Ex so far and a duvet. 1 box and a bag ready for charity. I bin bag. Loads of shredding. 3 boxes worth to keep so far. Progress

MovingForwards

A great start and pacing yourself will make steady progress.

savingholmes

Thanks MF. 

DS got a load more stuff down from the loft. Can't believe how many empty boxes Ex had kept. Really underlines the house hoarding is not all on me. I'm hoping Ex takes them to the tip but he doesn't seem to be. He has apparently taken a car full of stuff to his mum's today so I can't complain too much.

This weekend I have mainly been focusing on older boxes from 20-30+ years ago. Photo albums, letters, cards, journals and the like. I can't get over how young we were. At the time I remember thinking I looked ugly - but now I see that I was pretty and slim and would like to reclaim some of that. Ex has been getting upset at the photos - but I just feel they were pleasantly memories and feel nothing more. Someone said how can you look at those photos and still get divorced... Because we're not those people any more. 

I heard on a podcast this week someone said 'How you can stay married to one person for so long?' The other person replied - 'you won't be - she will keep changing.' They then went on to comment on the importance of both partners keeping growing - preferably at the same rate. I have tried to keep growing unlike Ex... I think that is definitely part of it.

Had to buy a new kettle this week as ours broke. Isn't it always the way that when money is tight things break? I can remember barely noticing before when we had our EF so definitely looking forward to having one again. 

Assuming I get the mortgage offer okay etc - I am hoping with the money from my sister and month 1 savings to have the equivalent of more than 1 month's EF. I won't have to pay the new mortgage for up to a month and am due £250 cashback - that's what I mean. My goal is to then build that to 2 month's money by this time next year and so on. I will therefore probably set a target of being debt neutral rather than free initially. I had so much more peace of mind with a £1K EF than I do right now. I want that back.

I feel on tenterhooks waiting for the mortgage offer - but I could be waiting another month yet. I keep remembering that people say on their death bed that they regretted worrying so much as most things never happened... I'm trying to keep my peace but it takes work. I don't know why that still surprises me...

leftatthetrafficlights

Just thought I'd pop in and say hello! 😊 

Hope all goes well with the new mortgage and EF - lots going on for you at the moment but you're doing incredibly well! 

Love the idea of debt neutral - think I'm going to steal that idea if you don't mind - it fits in well with what I'm trying to achieve! 

Grogged

Seems to have been a weekend for tidying, we have a nice utility and 3 boxes needing a new home!
My first marriage ended due to us growing apart because we grew at different rates and directions.
Second/Current MrsG (she hates those, prefers THE MrsG 😆) have been happily growing together for over 15 years.
Our approach to debt/mortgage has changed, we now work to being neutral/positive and will leave the mortgage to mainly run its course, the money is better (for us) being invested in our pensions, where we can always use the drawdown to pay it off.
We also look to build an extra month of EF every year.
I love old photos, my aphantasia means it's the only way I get to remember the past visually.
Take care, G.