My journey to a debt free life

Onebrokelady

Sun_Addict wrote: »

Enjoy your day with DD1 tomorrow and your chips on the way home

I didn't end up going so sadly no chips for me today

Onebrokelady

Nicnak wrote: »

Fancy doing all that at my house? This decluttering is leaving a lot of obvious dust!!

x

:rotfl: just think how quick it will be to clean your newly decluttered house though

Cherryfudge

It's not really the weather for being out and about so while it's a shame about missing the chips, you will be warmer indoors.
Are you rescheduling for next week?

Onebrokelady

Change of plans again today,I didn't end up going to DDs because DD2s hamster is ill and looks worse so I had to try and get an appointment at the vets for him, I got hardly any sleep last night so woke up this morning feeling like rubbish,I cancelled my day with DD1 in favour of going back to bed for a few hours,I'm trying to divert a major pain flare up because i have work tomorrow and don't want to be ill

DD1 is quite clearly not happy that I didn't go because her reply to my message was "oh ok, I've been up all night as well" I don't know what she was expecting me to say, this is only the second time in 2 years that I have let her down and unlike her I have to go to work tomorrow, she only has both the children on her own one day a week because the eldest goes to nursery two days a week she sees me on a Tuesday when I spend all day running round after the toddler, his other gran has him on a Wednesday even though DD is on maternity leave at the moment then her husband is there all weekend
I'm getting fed up of being taken for granted and if I say I find it hard she just says try looking after two of them, I want to reply that I did when I brought her and her sister up on my own with no help from my family for most of the time
When she goes back to work I'm having them both on different days until the eldests free nursery hours kick in, I'm dreading it to be honest because I'm going to be worn out:eek:

Anyway I couldn't get an appointment for the hamster today so I went back to bed and woke up at 1pm, I feel much better now 😊
DD2 sent a photo of the hamsters skin to the vet and she wants to talk to their specialist before she sees him, she asked us to go tomorrow but I'm working and DD2 is on her UNI placement so neither of us can get there tomorrow ,he is now booked in for Friday and I'm hoping they will sort him out, one vet says he has a fungal infection, one says it's mites and the last one we saw said it's a type of lymphoma,it looks like mange to me and I'm really paranoid it's going to infect the dog ,we are washing our hands after handling him and using hand gel but I'm still worried

I'm going to spend my peaceful afternoon reading and sewing I think :j

Cherryfudge

Enjoy your peaceful afternoon!

Might it be worth waiting for a neutral time and saying to DD1 that you know what it's like to bring up two on your own? Then leave that to percolate if she doesn't do the 'It's worse for me' scenario. It does sound as though one of hers is very hard work, but for that reason, and your health situation, might it be wise to tell her you can only do one day a week? She will doubtless tell you she needs to work, but so do you and if she didn't have that support from you she would either have to reduce her working hours or find other help. She's also a generation younger so has physical advantages even without taking your health condition into consideration. Just my thoughts, mind you - I know you have to take other things into consideration.

I think it's In Need of Direction who calls these things 'tolerances' and is working to reduce the niggles that make life more difficult than it need be, and perhaps your wanting to say something to your DD is a 'tolerance'? Please ignore me or tell me I know nothing if I'm off track with this!

I hope the hamster gets some treatment that works, poor little thing.

Onebrokelady

Cherryfudge wrote: »

Enjoy your peaceful afternoon!

Might it be worth waiting for a neutral time and saying to DD1 that you know what it's like to bring up two on your own? Then leave that to percolate if she doesn't do the 'It's worse for me' scenario. It does sound as though one of hers is very hard work, but for that reason, and your health situation, might it be wise to tell her you can only do one day a week? She will doubtless tell you she needs to work, but so do you and if she didn't have that support from you she would either have to reduce her working hours or find other help. She's also a generation younger so has physical advantages even without taking your health condition into consideration. Just my thoughts, mind you - I know you have to take other things into consideration.

I think it's In Need of Direction who calls these things 'tolerances' and is working to reduce the niggles that make life more difficult than it need be, and perhaps your wanting to say something to your DD is a 'tolerance'? Please ignore me or tell me I know nothing if I'm off track with this!

I hope the hamster gets some treatment that works, poor little thing.

You are completely on track with your reply Cherry, unfortunately I know from experience that there possibly won't be a good time to broach the subject with her, she gets very irate if things aren't going her way
I've tried to tell her on numerous occasions that but her stock reply is try being me or try this or try that it's like she thinks she is the only person on the planet with two children, the baby is demanding but he is 6 months old now so can be left on his play may for a bit while she does other things,I offered to have the baby so she could spend some time with the toddler but she didn't take me up on it, she can sit and cuddle the baby all day and look at her phone whereas she has to engage with the toddler to entertain him, she shouldn't have had two children so close together because the older one is too young to understand what's going on

I don't think I have any choice but to look after them because she will fall out with me if I don't and I don't want to risk that because then I won't get to see them at all,I only see them now if she needs me to baby sit

I wouldn't even mind if they at least said thanks but I don't even get that, just a surly remark if I'm unavailable at any time

Oops forgot to add that the vet wants us to send more photos of the hamster from different angles to show the specialist, that's going to be fun as he is about the size of a cotton wool ball, he is a Roberovski ( not sure of spelling) so is tiny,luckily he has got to be the most friendly hamster I have ever come across,he just doesn't mind what you do with him and never bites ,the vet fell totally in love with him when she met him,I hope they can sort him out because it's not nice for him and my poor DD2 is so upset that he's poorly,she is worrying that he is suffering and we cant tell,the vet said so long as he is eating and drinking he is probably feeling ok,he still goes on his wheel every night, I hate to think he is in pain though and we can't tell

Onebrokelady

I didn't read for long,I decided that being as I was stuck indoors I might as well do the ironing which was still lurking in the spare room, so that's all done now, I also had to go out and sort the chickens out too,I would have done that before I went out if I had gone but was able to leave it until the afternoon
It's been an awful day here today weather wise,I let the chickens out because it briefly stopped raining but it started again by the time I got back indoors,I'm not sure they actually came out of the run to be honest,I filled their treat bowls up with corn and mealworms to cheer them up 😊

Willowtree222

I'm really sorry that you have that kind of relationship. My mum looks after my little one for three after schools, and I won't ask her to do anymore unless I am desperate as I feel she does enough. My little one always thanks her, and so do I. I also occasionally buy her flowers in between things as a little thank you. I think at the very least, a thank you is in order.

I understand why you think it is hard as you obviously want a relationship with them and if she would take it personally, you would lose that. It must be difficult to manage.

I like the sound of your sewing. I want to do more, but have no more time to commit.

I do have two sewing hoops so might end up deciding to do something with them this year instead of looking at them.

My house is still cluttered! It's just a little less in the drawers so they now close! My aim is to be as clutter free as I can be! x

Drawingaline

Please don't look after your gc to the detriment of your own health. I relied heavily on my mum, and she would never say she wasn't up to it, this culminated in a huge incident involving my youngest (social services were involved!!!) because she wouldn't tell me that she wasn't coping. This incident was two years ago and the effects are still felt in our relationship. I had to rearrange my childcare and I coped. Unfortunately the strained relationship with my mum is the end result. It took me a year to even ask her for help with the kids and I am very careful to limit the amount he does and never take for granted that she will be able to help. She has got better at saying no to me too. (unfortunately not to my sister who I feel is still asking too much of her).

Anyway I just wanted to give you another perspective. Your daughter may not like having to look at her childcare arrangements, but if you end up really ill she will have to anyway.

Sunshine_girl2

Your sewing sounds like a great project. Glad you got a day to yourself to catch up on sleep and ironing.

As you probably realise I look after my 2 grandchildren one day a week . Obviously it's only been one at a time as other started school as daughter finished maternity leave . I volunteered to work 5 days in 4 to have them , but I know that if it was too much for me my daughter would make other arrangements and she wouldn't berate me for it . My daughter and I aren't the closest but she always says thank you when I babysit extra for them. I think it's a hard one to comment on really but I would look after yourself first and foremost . You need to work to pay your bills so it's important that you aren't to tired.