Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it

Elona_2

LL

She spent the weekend here as her DH was away for a couple of days so I was able to make sure she was comfortable, hydrated and cooked for . SIL arrived on Sunday lunchtime so we had herbed chicken, new potatoes and green veg before they loaded up the car. They have the rest of the stage 1 nappies I bought, some fancy small bottles of ale for sil and soft drinks for dd. I made sure we had the fan on to cool her down and she gave me the recipe she found for cereal bars so I plan to make some of these and my savoury breakfast muffins and freeze them in my freezer sometime this week.

I have a feeling that although she is 38 weeks now that the baby will not be late as she had thought and that the next week should be interesting.

I am so pleased that your solicitor is being careful with your expenses just in case. Enjoy the film and especially being in a cool space. I have been trying to do without using a fan but after using it for DD over the last day or so I ended up using it for myself last night as it was just so hot. I also gave myself a stern talking to about the folly of possibly getting overheated and feeling ill.

Rather than eating commercial ice lollies to cool down as I had been doing I have just bought a mould and put eight strawberry and yoghurt ones in the freezer and might also try diet lemonade etc as well.

Hugs to all

[Deleted User]

I am looking forward to hearing about your new family member Elona and also about yours LL, this brand new generation


I am ready and waiting for tomorrow and photos, epc and note taking. It will be over with by 3pm and I can start getting back to normal in a small way. I just have a bed and an en suite to stage in the morning. Collywobbles galore again, every time I think of this move and LL I am hanging onto your coat tails for dear life. Scarey as hell, I never thought I would be this scared, this challenged

lessonlearned

Isn't it strange Kittie, how scared we are.

I didn't meet my husband till I was 31. By that time I had already bought and sold houses on my own, without a care in the world. The first one was a wreck but I just dived in without a backward glance. Not a shred of nerves.

So why is it so different now........why is being a widow so different from being a singleton.

All I know is that everything is changed., nothing will ever be the same. Even the most joyous of life's happenings are always overshadowed by that loss. The marriage of my eldest son, the birth of his child, my DS2 meeting his girl and moving in with her, my husband should have been there......

Oh well.....no point feeling sorry for myself. Life has to go on.

Last night I went to see Oceans 8 with a friend from the widows group. It was good to get out. She is starting a new business and has invited me to the launch on Friday night. I'll go. I have decided that from now on I will make more of an effort to get out more and socialise. It's the only way.

I cant spend the rest of my life staring at 4 walls, so I'm going to start accepting invitations, try joining couple of clubs like U3A etc.

It's time I made the effort.

Off to acupuncture in a bit. Thankfully it's a little cooler today.

Elona_2

LL

I agree that it does seem so unfair that DHs are not there for special family events and just the everyday joys.
Our DDs have decided that we should all celebrate every bit of good news that we possibly can and we always pulled together anyway when problems struck.

I am so pleased you are going to get more involved in social things. I have been enjoying the U3A even though I only go to one event a month. The library takes up one long afternoon every week and "fat club" after that means I don't get home till nearly eight p.m.

Hugs to all

[Deleted User]

crikey, I have just looked my new area U3A and there are over 50 groups, wow. I thought there might be a dozen at most. I am going to be spoilt for choice. Ukulele, scrabble maybe

[Deleted User]

LL epc was quite a slog, wasn`t it? I didn`t realise that he needed absolute proof of everything. I have just copied the difficult things and given a bunch of sheets to my neighbour, in the identical house. I am pretty sure that they will sell a year or so after me
No rest for the wicked, EA is coming on friday to do the walk through and write up. Then I shall be ready to sell in september.



How is your wood survey going and did you employ rentokil? Are you almost at exchange for selling your home? No-one but no-one in a couple has any idea of how very very draining all this is. I have appointments tomorrow, friday and saturday. I`ll just have to summon the energy to try and slide through each day

lessonlearned

Well I have thoroughly overreached myself today.....that's the problem with feeling better....I forgot to pace myself so now I'm done for. A nice quiet easy evening and then a soak in an Epsom salt bath. Maybe a gin and tonic as a little pick me up.

Timber and damp inspection done yesterday, just awaiting the results. Roofer hoping to take a look in the next day or so, apparently he uses a drone....good for him. Nice to see people using technology to make their lives easier. And it will make for a more accurate assessment than simply looking through binoculars.

If it's just a few thousand then I will proceed. If it's tens of thousands then I am afraid I will have to walk away. Any house can be fixed but at what price......;)

Yes paperwork is everything these days. Everyone is so risk averse and the professionals involved are very much into covering their backs. They are all so scared of being sued. So whilst I personally might not be too concerned about seemingly insignificant details I do have to think about the implications of missing documentation, guarantees etc when I need to sell again. It is imperative that those "i's" are dotted and those "t's" are crossed.

Several times recently I have been offered the chance to go back into house sales but, although I loved the work, I really don't want that level of stress any more. Yes I earned a lot of money but by golly I really earned it. I dont need that hassle any more.

You only have to read some of the house buying and selling threads to understand just how selfish and unrealistic both buyers and sellers can be these days. Some of them are so "entitled" and demanding that I really just can't be bothered getting back into that world. It used to be a "gentlemanly" profession, especially in small county towns and rural areas but not any more. Just too much greed these days.

All the EAs I am dealing with and my solicitor are really happy working with me. They all have said what a pleasure it is doing business with me. Consequently they are really putting themselves out for me and going the extra mile. I can really tell how hard they are working for me because after 30 years in the business I know their job inside out and I can spot a good professional when I see one.

My advice Kittie........just approach it logically. Leave your emotions out of it and treat it is a business transaction (which of course is exactly what it is ). Make your decisions based on finance rather than personal feelings.

I dropped my price by £1k as a goodwill gesture to my purchasers to help them with their remedial works. Not because I am over generous but because it made good business sense. The EAs were really impressed and because I have been so reasonable they are going to negotiate on my behalf to try and counterbalance the remedial works I am faced with. I know they will push for me but it will all depend on whether the vendor can be practical and business like.

If she is one of those delusional sellers who is adamant her property cannot possibly have any defects and refuses to bend then she might just find she loses her buyer.

But even with all my experience I am still finding it hard.....,I am trying so hard to be independent and not ask my sons for help but yesterday my youngest had to lift stuff out if the loft for me. So I have vowed no more storing things in the loft in future.

I took a car full of stuff to the charity shop today, and have another two bags ready to go. Once I have moved and got everything settled and organised then I shall do another Kondo sweep.

No more clutter, no more unnecessary "stuff". Just a simple stress free life.

Elona_2

LL

I know you don't want your offspring to have to do things for you but in the grand scheme of things lifting and carrying from a loft is not a big ask! Mine are disagreeing among themselves about what to do with the integral garage and I am in limbo just now till the bamboo outside is dealt with etc.

I have just ordered a double memory foam mattress topper for an upstairs double bed so the new mattress is more comfortable which means I can sleep six upstairs. I offered to have in laws stay with me rather than DD and SIL as baby could arrive in the next ten days and I want them to be able to bond as their own little family and in laws and I could visit from my house when appropriate.

[Deleted User]

what a horrible few stressful days and I know it because my hair is thinning again, I am upping the protein as from this morning. Hang in there LL and yes, logic is the only way to approach this, that one step at a time with a cost limit because we know that fate has a hand and might put that barrier in place. It is hard to remain detached but I am also trying


Today I had the first good phone call and the quote for the new stove, ripping the old stuff out, chimney lining etc and it was cheaper than I expected, from a very well respected local firm. What really did chuff me was when he said that I had found a cracking good house. That third person `approval` meant a lot


This is the stove and I am going to burm smokeless eggs, going by mar`s advice
https://www.clearviewstoves.com/stove-details/solution-400


My house is in a non-me staged state, am adding a few things back but no real point as I will be up for sale, if the survey does not shock me, in september


Elona ask for help re the integral garage decision, I mean ask before you sleep. You may well wake up with the answer you need

[Deleted User]

Elona, I know that you have been moved for a couple of years and you quietly got on with it. How long since your husband passed before you decided to move?