Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it

[Deleted User]

yes LL crack on, we cannot turn the clock back so have to remain firmly focussed on the future. You have several aims in your post, some long term and some short term, like dismantling furniture. That says to me aspirations for a good new and fulfilling future. That step at a time, moving forwards. There is hope my dear, for all of us

moneyistooshorttomention

lessonlearned wrote: »

When I had DS1 it was too late for a Caesarian because he was already half way down the birth canal. I ended up with a high forceps delivery. The damage to me was horrendous. I had to be put back together again when he was 4 months old.

Years later, I suffered from some gynae problems that were a direct result and had to have two further lots of surgery to put things right. Hindsight is a wonderful thing but my GP was horrified. He said I should have been given a c section, he had warned them. Both my son and I nearly died. It was truly horrific. Luckily it was a different hospital.

That's why I was so relieved for DIL. I knew and she knew she would need a section, she's tiny and her mother and all her aunts have needed caesarians but they said they wouldn't do an elective. After nearly a week of false starts, bleeding and then finally only being 2cms dilated after hours of labour and the baby starting to get distressed they decided it was time to intervene.

I was getting so worried, the night she was in Labour I had terrible nightmares. Thank goodness it's all over. Perhaps they will listen to her if she decides to try again.

lurker here - and I suspect that's how things went for my mother when her first child (ie me) was born. She was too ill to see me for days after I was born from what she said. She is "real size 8" (ie she'd be looking for clothes label 4 these days!!!).

I think it would be useful to know more about how things were for her in that respect - as she is my mother - but she's the generation that simply won't talk about these things. Add that my suspicion for some time has been that I was a forceps delivery - as I don't think someone's skull (totally hidden by hair - so not a looks problem for me) should be quite the way mine is underneath my hair.:cool:

She was very brave, in the event, after that to have her 2nd child as a home birth I know - ie my younger brother. Though I do know why she was so concerned to ensure that she had him at home despite how it had been with me.

[Deleted User]

my weight has been stuck for years but I changed my eating regime slightly. I did stop eating at 5.30 but I now completely stop eating at just after 3pm, just having water as needed until around 7am. It is working, that extra time of not eating, means that my body fat is actually being used as fuel. Squashing my eating into that slot also means that I am not at all hungry at any time in the 24 hours. I don`t at all crave anything sweet and honestly I used to have such a sweet tooth and get mouth hunger, I eat what I want. Maybe it is because my body knows which foods are needed to maintain good health and energy and there is a limit to how much I can hold in my stomach and so I subconsciously discriminate between what is good and what is no good for me



I am still losing just under a whole kg a week. I cannot ever see me going back to what is considered a normal way of eating but foods will change between warming winter foods and cooling summer foods. 7 more weeks will see another stone gone and what a difference that will make to my joints and getting up hills on my bike and eventually to my future

[Deleted User]

I have been up to my neck in paperwork today. How long do I need to keep paperwork relating to my husband`s tax affairs? I am so inclined now to shred stuff. Roll on to the future when tax becomes easier. I am still employing an expensive accountant, have done since hubbie died, yes helpful but at a cost. I have one more twiddly thing to sort wrt the company and then my own tax affairs will be straightforward


My bil was a tax inspector, not once has he been in touch, ever, not ever asked if I was ok. I hope karma bites him where it hurts, no wonder his two marriages failed and his own children never contact him. His closest brother died and he never bothered coming back for the funeral from yet another long free-loading holiday in nz. In 3.5 years I have not heard from him and tbh he can go swivel


Back to it, at least I will have the bundle ready to send but I am still drowning in paperwork

lessonlearned

Kittie.....I kept my husband's business accounts for 7 years, getting rid of one lot per year. I kept the VAT records for about 9 years.

I sold the Spanish property in 2009. I still have the paperwork for that, I was thinking I might scan that and store in the computer so I can get rid of the paper copies.

I kept all the social services/nursing home/medical stuff for about 2 years.

I still have his company pension records because I am a beneficiary and get half of his pension.

Dad died 2 years ago, mum over 3 years ago. I still have a few of their bits of paperwork. I can probably get rid of that now but I'll give it another six months.

As for your BIL.....sounds about as useful as mine......as good as chocolate teapot. :rotfl:

It's been nearly 16 months since I have seen my sister. Tbh I don't care. We text each other and that's about it. I don't even want to physically talk to her on the phone, so texting is about as close as we are going to get. I thought I would miss her but the reality is I don't. I don't miss the continual dramas, the hassle and the aggro and I certainly don't miss her useless nasty sneering no good husband (said BIL).

Now I concentrate my love, time and energies on my real true friends and my immediate family. I have no time for fair weather friends or those family members who abandoned me.

I am always polite of course but I have drawn a line.

Right time to get ready and go see my boys, their girls and my grandson whilst we gather round and watch the football.

Shame England got knocked out but they did well and they did us proud.

humptydumptybits

I think 7 years is what they normally advise for tax matters. I need to have a cull as I think I've got 8 or 9 years in my files. It's too hot at the moment, I can't be bothered to move let alone do anything useful.

[Deleted User]

I have just found my back up plan. I need a back up plan for my own peace of mind, in case the survey brings up something expensive and awful. 5 minutes walk away and even closer to the shops, a few new houses with three just released. Nice size houses, not quirky but fully insulated and new everything including a backup log fire. Garage is 1/3 the size and the garden will be small but it is a good backup and 40k cheaper. Now I feel better, no longer feeling `locked in` although I do want the survey house but deliberately have no tied feelings at the moment. That bubble around me to avoid disappointment


My neighbour with the doctor wife, was taken ill just as I was going to bed. He is elderly, she is younger than me. I know he has been struggling with the heat and air pollution, I saw him drag himself into the house yesterday teatime and then paramedics last night. They left on their own, so I imagine he was stabilised. I was ready to rush around but she knows to call me if needing help. A timely warning to many of us, not to take this airless heat forgranted, it is a killer and more so than cold

lessonlearned

Kittie.....how sad about your neighbour and you are right about this heat. This level of heat can Be very dangerous, to both the young and the old, and of course animals too. It's easier to add heat than take it away.

We need to treat the sun with respect. It can work wonders for our aches and pains and boost our vitamin D but we need to be careful. I am finding that this heat really saps my energy. I am a long way inland and it can be ferocious some days, no cooling sea breezes. Thankfully we are supposed to be getting a few days respite this week with cooler temperatures.

Good to hear you have a Plan B. I'm still quite nervous about my proposed purchase. I went over the figures again yesterday. They are ok but I am concerned about the amount of remedial work required and how much it's going to cost. I should know more after the wood and timber report has been done. One step at a time.

The acupuncture seems to be helping me. I've had 4 treatments now, 12 more to go. It's a bit rough at times and the side effects can be a bit offputting but I can see an improvement. Better sleep, less pain. Think about the compound effect and just keep going.

Remembering the tortoise and the hare. :rotfl:

lessonlearned

Just had a call from solicitor. She has advised that she will stop all work on my proposed purchase until I am 100 per cent sure that I will proceed. This means if I have to abort then I will incur minimum costs. Very thoughtful of her.

The sale will go ahead as planned.

So I will await the further investigations and take it from there. In the meantime I will carry on sorting, decuttering and prepacking, although it's already blistering here so I might not be able to do much. I am going to the cinema to see Oceans 8 tonight so I will want to have a rest this afternoon.

Elona.....how's your DD doing .....bet she's hot and bothered.

humptydumptybits

Well just after saying I was to hot to move yesterday I had a little disaster that made me move. A tiny drip from my kitchen tap turned into a torrent of water (I think GS might know something about it but he put on his "who me" face) anyway I managed to turn the water off, take the taps apart and replace the innards, don't know what they are called but no simple washers now. All done and feeling very proud of myself.


This morning I dropped GS at school and then went to hire a carpet shampooer and my lounge carpet is now looking much better, might give it another go later as I had to have the machine for 24 hrs so might as well use it.


Am now collapsed, hot and bothered but feeling pleased with myself.