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Self help thread. I am a widow coping getting on with it

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  • mum2one
    mum2one Posts: 16,279 Forumite
    Xmas Saver!
    Torry, so sorry for your loss x
    xx rip dad... we had our ups and downs but we’re always be family xx
  • Torry_Quine
    Torry_Quine Posts: 18,871 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    Thanks for the kind words.
    Lost my soulmate so life is empty.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
  • itsanne
    itsanne Posts: 5,001 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Torry, I'll post here rather than on the other thread again.

    What you are experiencing is harder than it's possible to imagine before being in the situation. I thought I knew what it would be like if/when OH died - but I hadn't a clue. However, though it won't feel like it right now, it will gradually become ... not "better", but more manageable. This time last year, I couldn't envisage travelling to the US on my own to meet up with friends, but despite a major wobble on the way to the airport I am here, and though I miss OH all the time and would give anything for him to be here too I am enjoying it.

    In the meantime, everything you feel, everything you do, is normal. When you think you're going mad - you aren't.

    For now, try to eat even though you don't feel like it. Accept any help offered, including from your church even though you're angry with God.
    . . .I did not speak out

    Then they came for me
    And there was no one left
    To speak out for me..

    Martin Niemoller
  • wort
    wort Posts: 1,959 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    Hugs Torry, you will be in shock for much longer than you think, so be gentle with yourself.
    I hope you have friends or family who will help you and support, this thread is very helpful if you just want to vent or discuss your feelings.
    Don't forget your Dr can put you in touch with a counsellor, you won't feel like it yet but it's helpful to speak to someone.
    Focus on contribution instead of the impressiveness of consumption to see the true beauty in people.
  • Elona_2
    Elona_2 Posts: 361 Forumite
    Seventh Anniversary 100 Posts Name Dropper
    Torry

    I am so sorry for your loss. I have been locked out of mse for a few days as I changed my e mail
    so have just created a new account.

    Hugs to all.
  • seven-day-weekend
    seven-day-weekend Posts: 36,755 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    Torry_Quine wrote: »
    My husband died totally out of the blue on Monday.

    Torry, I didn't say this on the other thread, but I have prayed for you and will continue to do so xx
    (AKA HRH_MUngo)
    Member #10 of £2 savers club
    Imagine someone holding forth on biology whose only knowledge of the subject is the Book of British Birds, and you have a rough idea of what it feels like to read Richard Dawkins on theology: Terry Eagleton
  • Torry_Quine
    Torry_Quine Posts: 18,871 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    Today I went to see him, it doesn't look like him. He's so cold
    Lost my soulmate so life is empty.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
  • seven-day-weekend
    seven-day-weekend Posts: 36,755 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    Torry_Quine wrote: »
    Today I went to see him, it doesn't look like him. He's so cold

    oh.... how upsetting for you :(
    (AKA HRH_MUngo)
    Member #10 of £2 savers club
    Imagine someone holding forth on biology whose only knowledge of the subject is the Book of British Birds, and you have a rough idea of what it feels like to read Richard Dawkins on theology: Terry Eagleton
  • thepurplepixie
    thepurplepixie Posts: 3,701 Forumite
    Eighth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Elona wrote: »
    Torry

    I am so sorry for your loss. I have been locked out of mse for a few days as I changed my e mail
    so have just created a new account.

    Hugs to all.

    Welcome back.
  • thepurplepixie
    thepurplepixie Posts: 3,701 Forumite
    Eighth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Torry_Quine wrote: »
    Today I went to see him, it doesn't look like him. He's so cold

    I know some people find comfort in seeing the deceased but I had always felt much like you, right from being a child and seeing my father who I just didn't recognise. I'm not sure if I would do it again.
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