Money Moral Dilemma: Should we do 'tit for tat' with wedding gifts?

silvercar

I wouldn't dream of going to a wedding without giving a present, so all this talk of it being presumptuous to include a gift list with the invitation leaves me cold.

POPPYOSCAR

silvercar wrote: »

I wouldn't dream of going to a wedding without giving a present, so all this talk of it being presumptuous to include a gift list with the invitation leaves me cold.

Even if the invitation said no presents?

ska_lover

silvercar wrote: »

I wouldn't dream of going to a wedding without giving a present, so all this talk of it being presumptuous to include a gift list with the invitation leaves me cold.

It doesn't me, in all honesty it doesn't sound like people are wishing the bride and groom ''all the best'' when they have simmering resentment over a present request cos they don't like the timing of it or some other pointless reason to be enraged


If I am close enough to someone for them to invite me to the best day of their life - I want to get them something they love - it is their day, the only wedding day they will have.. and I feel lucky and special that I am one of the chosen guests.


It seems a real shame that someone, a close friend or relative would want to cast a shadow over your special day by using it to be making some kind of point like that. I honestly don't get it


It is easier to buy from a list, so in fact a person would be making life harder for yourself having to think what to buy, to give an unwanted present. Common sense is not prevailing here whatsoever because someone is offended that the timing of the list was wrong, or that there was a list or request at all.


Whatever happened to people just being happy for each other - rather than making everything a drama or turning it around to, somehow, be about them?

Red-Squirrel_2

ska_lover wrote: »

It doesn't me, in all honesty it doesn't sound like people are wishing the bride and groom ''all the best'' when they have simmering resentment over a present request cos they don't like the timing of it or some other pointless reason to be enraged

Its not 'simmering resentment' and certainly not rage!

Its a bit of an annoyed eye roll at the fact that its somehow become ok for grown adults to send you their present list as if you were Santa Claus!

You wouldn't do it any other time, would you? You wouldn't send out a present list with the invitations to your child's birthday party, or your own birthday, or your Golden wedding anniversary, housewarming, retirement or whatever.

Red-Squirrel_2

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Even if the invitation said no presents?

I think that puts people in an awkward position though, lots will feel that they can't just give nothing even if that's what the request says and will turn up with a little something anyway. Then the people who took it at face value are embarrassed and wondering if they were supposed to read between the lines and bring something anyway!

Marvel1

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

Its a bit of an annoyed eye roll at the fact that its somehow become ok for grown adults to send you their present list as if you were Santa Claus!

And expecting one.

POPPYOSCAR

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

I think that puts people in an awkward position though, lots will feel that they can't just give nothing even if that's what the request says and will turn up with a little something anyway. Then the people who took it at face value are embarrassed and wondering if they were supposed to read between the lines and bring something anyway!

Why if they have specifically requested it?

I actually think it disrespectful to go against their wishes.

ska_lover

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

Then the people who took it at face value are embarrassed and wondering if they were supposed to read between the lines and bring something anyway!

Interesting point - To be fair, if someone says 'no gifts'..then gets no gifts, but really meant they want gifts....it is their own fault for playing games. I genuinely think no gifts means exactly that and it wouldn't have occurred to me that they were bluffing.

Tealblue

Wedding lists have been around for decades and are a brilliant way to avoid getting 10 toasters (or whatever today's equivalent is). I'd much prefer to give someone something they really want, instead of saying sanctimoniously that I've chosen a 'couple specific gift' (?really?). Choosing with care doesn't mean a good choice!

If the invitation says no presents...either take at face value, make a donation to a charity you know will appeal to them, or ring and ask if you could get them a small memento and what would they like (helpful to give a price indication).