We'd like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum... Read More »
Money Moral Dilemma: Should we do 'tit for tat' with wedding gifts?
MSE_Sarah
Posts: 327 MSE Staff
This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...
Unfortunately the MSE team can't always answer money moral dilemma questions as contributions are often emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be enjoyed as a point of debate and discussed at face value.
If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply!
Got a money moral dilemma of your own? [URL="mailto: mmd@moneysavingexpert.com"]Suggest an MMD[/URL].
[purplesignup][/purplesignup]
When we got married, we made a spreadsheet of what people bought us so we could send thank you cards (including how much they gave). Now we're getting invited to these people's weddings - should we spend the corresponding amount on them, even if it was quite small and we can afford more?
Unfortunately the MSE team can't always answer money moral dilemma questions as contributions are often emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be enjoyed as a point of debate and discussed at face value.
If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply!
Got a money moral dilemma of your own? [URL="mailto: mmd@moneysavingexpert.com"]Suggest an MMD[/URL].
[purplesignup][/purplesignup]
Follow MSE on other Social Media: MSE Facebook, MSE Twitter, MSE Deals Twitter, Instagram, Threads, Join the MSE ForumGet the Free MoneySavingExpert Money Tips E-mailReport inappropriate posts: click the report buttonFlag a news story: news@moneysavingexpert.com
0
Comments
-
No! They gave you what they wanted to give you, and what they could afford to give you. You should have the same courtesy in return - give what you want to give and what you can afford. Circumstances can change for everyone. Don't get into a tit-for-tat war, that only leads to misery and lost friendships.:heartpuls Mrs Marleyboy :heartpuls
MSE: many of the benefits of a helpful family, without disadvantages like having to compete for the tv remote
Proud Parents to an Aut-some son 0 -
Lol, no though I'm convinced the original question probably wasn't worded quite like it's been put here.0
-
No. Give what you want. Somebody's personal circumstances potentially many years ago isn't relevant to what you give them now in your own set of circumstances.0
-
People don't always behave like it because they are skint sometimes they are trying to make some passive aggressive point that no one actually cares about. Like folk who refuse to give money (when couples say they would prefer it , maybe towards a house deposit or something) but insist on giving a boxed gift. It really does speak volumes and nothing causes more fuss or drama than wedding chatter
Give what you want its not a massive drama and most people do not keep spreadsheets...
However I cant imagine someone having the gall to accuse you of being petty for giving a rubbish gift, if they did the same to you, after all it was OK when they did itThe opposite of what you know...is also true0 -
Yes.
If you want to be petty.
And to be seen to be petty.0 -
Give what you want, there is no obligation to give a gift and they shouldn't expect one.0
-
No. There’s no dilemma here!0
-
It seems reasonable to have in mind their gift to you, when deciding on a present.
If you can afford more and feel they gave you what to them was a reasonable present then go for it. If they were well off but miserly in their present giving, then I would tend to give a similar amount in return.
By giving generously in comparison you don't want to be seen as showing off or making a point.
Some social circles have different attitudes to present giving. I always try and ask around and fit in with the expectations of the couple. You don't want to stand out like and have speculation as to why you gave what you did.I'm a Forum Ambassador on the housing, mortgages, student & coronavirus Boards, money saving boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Forum Ambassadors are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.0 -
People don't always behave like it because they are skint sometimes they are trying to make some passive aggressive point that no one actually cares about. Like folk who refuse to give money (when couples say they would prefer it , maybe towards a house deposit or something) but insist on giving a boxed gift. It really does speak volumes and nothing causes more fuss or drama than wedding chatter
Yep - this is nightmare. What is the problem with people just giving money for things that are needed, instead of wasting money on a 'gift' that in my experience has to be returned or binnedThis is a system account and does not represent a real person. To contact the Forum Team email forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com0 -
andydownes123 wrote: »Yep - this is nightmare. What is the problem with people just giving money for things that are needed, instead of wasting money on a 'gift' that in my experience has to be returned or binned
Indeed, If I knew a person would prefer money , I would rather give them that, even if it were just a tenner I could afford, rather than buy them something generic like champagne flutes
We ended up with three identical sets of champagne flutes. My Husband is tee total and always has been. Not very well thought out gifts, rather just fulfilling the givers need to wrap something, anythingThe opposite of what you know...is also true0
This discussion has been closed.
Confirm your email address to Create Threads and Reply
Categories
- All Categories
- 349.8K Banking & Borrowing
- 252.6K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 453K Spending & Discounts
- 242.8K Work, Benefits & Business
- 619.5K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 176.4K Life & Family
- 255.7K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 16.1K Discuss & Feedback
- 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards