Child care after separation / divorce

MataNui

TBagpuss wrote: »

That's simply not true (at least for any reputable solicitor)

Ever met one? Not yet found one who wasnt out to line their own pockets, even telling flat plain lies to do so. Had to use them for house purchase, had experience (not my own) from a divorce and a couple of times for probate.

Kitty_Kat55

I take you comments on board, however at the end of the day the children are my main concern. A baby as young as 1 is surely better off with her mother than someone who is a relative stranger.
I am concerned that she will spend too much time with his girlfriend than me, surely that cannot be good for my daughter, or son. I have no problem with my ex having them, but I see no point in him having the time with them but while he is at work and she is nurturing and caring for my baby at the important time in her life. Yes I am bitter, who wouldn't be but how is that good for my kids. We will see what happens, but I hope that common sense prevails and he realises that the children are all that matters. I could have been like some mothers and refused access but I am being reasonable, even with regard to money I only want 50%. It's hard to explain on here what's gone on, maybe it was a mistake asking for advice, as it appears as though the results I am getting are personal opinions, it's as though you are putting yourselves in that position and saying how you would react. It cannot be a clear answer. Solicitors train for years, yes they charge for advice, but we all have to use them at some point like it or not. Thanks for your advice for what it was worth. My mum said it would be pointless to ask, that's why I didn't bother to open my own account.

Comms69

Kitty_Kat55 wrote: »

I take you comments on board, however at the end of the day the children are my main concern. A baby as young as 1 is surely better off with her mother than someone who is a relative stranger.
I am concerned that she will spend too much time with his girlfriend than me, surely that cannot be good for my daughter, or son. I have no problem with my ex having them, but I see no point in him having the time with them but while he is at work and she is nurturing and caring for my baby at the important time in her life. Yes I am bitter, who wouldn't be but how is that good for my kids. We will see what happens, but I hope that common sense prevails and he realises that the children are all that matters. I could have been like some mothers and refused access but I am being reasonable, even with regard to money I only want 50%. It's hard to explain on here what's gone on, maybe it was a mistake asking for advice, as it appears as though the results I am getting are personal opinions, it's as though you are putting yourselves in that position and saying how you would react. It cannot be a clear answer. Solicitors train for years, yes they charge for advice, but we all have to use them at some point like it or not. Thanks for your advice for what it was worth. My mum said it would be pointless to ask, that's why I didn't bother to open my own account.

Fair enough, but if you do use a solicitor, use a different one - this one is either clueless or out for themselves.

Lesley12345

Sorry but how on earth do i start a thread ????

Mojisola

Lesley12345 wrote: »

Sorry but how on earth do i start a thread ????

Go to the top of the board and look for the blue "New Thread" button - http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.php?f=24.

Kitty_Kat55

One quick addition to explain my reasons for not wanting to work full time. I work for a Merchant Bank, I have a large amount of experience and have worked there for over 8 years. I work Monday & Tuesday, my salary is extremely good for two days. I am happy there and enjoy the work. Having tried to see if I can get another job it transpires that I would not be able to get an equivalently paid job by working 36 hours.
My current job is Job share so it is not possible to do more hours. I see no point in working more hours for less pay. Even the government accept that children under school age are better with their mother, that is why they don't insist on women returning to work until they are older. Once again, thank you for any advice.

theoretica

Why doesn't he switch his days with them to the two you work? That way his time with your youngest would come from the time at nursery and not with you.

FBaby

I totally understand where you are coming from. You were married and enjoyed the life you dreamed of, with the perfect balance of still dedicating time to your career, whilst having quality time with your baby and a very good household income to allow for a nice lifestyle, and now you are facing having to give one of these three up through no fault of yours and from your perspective, it isn't fair.

That is true, but it is life. You can't undo the situation and you are now a single mum and something will have to go.

Your arrangement is confusing though. You say that the children are with him mid week but that doesn't make sense if you are working M-T. Where are they on Mondays and Tuesdays? Who pays for that care?

It sounds like the logical things would be for him to have them Monday and Tuesday and she can look after your baby then, and you have your baby on the days you don't work?

Alternatively, if the issue is what happens on T-F because currently, he brings the baby to you during the day and pick them up in the evening (which if that is the case, frankly seems to be much more confusing for a baby), you could agree on a maintenance amount that he is happier with. It might mean that you have to adjust your budget accordingly, but as above, something will have to go at some point anyway.

LilElvis

Kitty_Kat55 wrote: »

One quick addition to explain my reasons for not wanting to work full time. I work for a Merchant Bank, I have a large amount of experience and have worked there for over 8 years. I work Monday & Tuesday, my salary is extremely good for two days. I am happy there and enjoy the work. Having tried to see if I can get another job it transpires that I would not be able to get an equivalently paid job by working 36 hours.
My current job is Job share so it is not possible to do more hours. I see no point in working more hours for less pay. Even the government accept that children under school age are better with their mother, that is why they don't insist on women returning to work until they are older. Once again, thank you for any advice.

As you work Monday and Tuesday and your husband has the children on Wednesday and Thursday it would appear to be feasible that you could get a second job on "his days". Unless you are an extremely high earner I doubt you could maintain a household of 3 on 40% of a salary and reduced child maintenance (owing to your husband having them 50% of the time). You need to start being realistic about your household income as your husband isn't going to be paying your mortgage indefinitely.

FBaby

I really don't get how the current arrangement has come into place. For a start, it is quite uncommon to share residency of a 1yo when one parents works FT, so considering how OP feels, I'm surprised it was agreed in the first place.

But even if both agreed that was best for the children, I just don't get why the days that would have been agreed for them to be with him are the days OP doesn't work. That makes no sense. Who is looking after the baby on these days? A childminder? If so, is it OP's ex who is paying for it?