On-line dating experiences?

StaffieTerrier

mariposa687 wrote: »

I'm not, I'm simply replying to the people who message me. I don't know how it works from a guy's perspective but from what I've heard, they don't simply focus on one woman at a time and are talking to several. What are they doing back on-line after asking for a second date if they are only focusing on one person at a time?

It's difficult to work out if you're going to end up with someone after one date. Some people like to keep their options open, I know I did. It sounds really wrong but it worked for me (online dating gave me one 10 month relationship and one engagement, plus lots of fun dates and friends in between). It's also worth remembering that apps on phones can keep you logged in even when you're not using them. Plus people might be receiving messages without actively searching for new people to contact.

You asked me earlier how to deal with not finding it hard when people don't want to meet up again after a few dates. Look at it from a different perspective, how would you deal with telling someone you didn't think a relationship would work if they seemed keen?

Please have fun dating. Look at it as making new friends, rather than searching for your one true love. I was put off dating at least one person who was very keen on settling down ASAP. It took the fun out of seeing him because it felt like an interview rather than a date.

Gavin83

AubreyMac wrote: »

I once got chatting to a guy and we arranged to meet. Only on the day of meeting I found out he lived very very close to me. This scared me enough to back out. I was worried that it would get too awkward if I didn't want to see him again. I might bump into him or he might end up stalking me etc. I know that thinking might be a bit OTT but it worried me enough to not go.

I don't mean this in a nasty way but do you have issues with men/relationships or had bad (beyond the norm) experiences in the past? You seem to worry beyond normal levels.

DUTR wrote: »

This is good advice..take most things you are told online before you meet with a pinch of salt as fibs are prevalent..I have found women often take a few years off their age one I met had knocked 10 years off and another 8 years..Men quite often fib about their height

So true, not that age matters, very few I message as the 'characters' are not unique, often profile reads like love my family and friends (who doesn't?) or visit the gym often (pics do not suggest that) and the list of activities makes you wonder how they fit them all in and look after the children :eek: between the lines I'd say about 70% or more are seeking an A list gravy train .

Personally I'd be extremely concerned if someone was lying to me about their age (or anything) before we've even entered a relationship. It doesn't exactly provide a stable foundation. Age would also matter to me, I wouldn't wish to date someone who was a lot older or younger than me.

However I suspect people feel a pressure to look exciting on their profile. They don't really feel they can write "I work, look after the kids and watch TV" as that sounds boring so they make up some exciting hobbies they did once.

mariposa687 wrote: »

I also agree on the white lies thing. I went out with a guy once who said he didn't smoke on his profile but then brought out an e-cigarette on the date. Waste of time for me as I don't smoke and don't want to date someone who does.

I'm guessing some people don't consider e-cigs as smoking. I'm borderline on this one as technically it is but it's more healthy than traditional smoking and doesn't smell quite the same. I've never smoked but I have dated a smoker in the past (before e-cigs) and I'll be honest, it wasn't particularly pleasant. Not sure I'd have the same issues with e-cigs.

AubreyMac

The height thing is just ridiculous. How on earth do they think they can get away with that? If they lied over a couple of inches fine but some of the guys I’ve met exaggerated big time.

AubreyMac

Gavin83 wrote: »

I don't mean this in a nasty way but do you have issues with men/relationships or had bad (beyond the norm) experiences in the past? You seem to worry beyond normal levels.

I've had an issue with stalking before but this was nothing to do with online dating though.

mariposa687

Gavin83 wrote: »

I don't mean this in a nasty way but do you have issues with men/relationships or had bad (beyond the norm) experiences in the past? You seem to worry beyond normal levels.



Personally I'd be extremely concerned if someone was lying to me about their age (or anything) before we've even entered a relationship. It doesn't exactly provide a stable foundation. Age would also matter to me, I wouldn't wish to date someone who was a lot older or younger than me.

However I suspect people feel a pressure to look exciting on their profile. They don't really feel they can write "I work, look after the kids and watch TV" as that sounds boring so they make up some exciting hobbies they did once.



I'm guessing some people don't consider e-cigs as smoking. I'm borderline on this one as technically it is but it's more healthy than traditional smoking and doesn't smell quite the same. I've never smoked but I have dated a smoker in the past (before e-cigs) and I'll be honest, it wasn't particularly pleasant. Not sure I'd have the same issues with e-cigs.

It bothered me because we'd be watching a film and the fact that he couldn't just sit there in peace without smoking every few minutes was really annoying. It made this clicking sound which got on my nerves. I also hate the idea of having to sit outside in the cold because they want to smoke (that actually happened).

[Deleted User]

Well, it's our 10 year wedding anniversary, and we met via a dating website 13 years ago. So I'd say it was a good experience!

BUT - we got 'offline' within a few days and dated conventionally.

She was looking for someone taller. I wasn't looking for a smoker. We both realised that you can't judge a person on either!

She's now been smoke-free for several years. Our kids are looking at being a decent height.

caprikid1

I've been on POF a few time since I got divorced, had many a lovely date. Just bought a house with someone I met from POF two years ago and merged two families so it does work.


Don't stress over it, get out and meet lots of people, go for coffee not meals as it can get expensive. To build a first date up to much then you won't be disappointed. Don't spend too much time chatting before meeting as you waste a lot of time that way. It's useful to meet early as you cannot get the whole picture online.


To be honest I am not sure I would bother trying anything other than online dating, with a busy home life and work life anything else would be a waste of time. I have made some lovely friends also from online dating.


I think people just need to understand how it works, in many respects no different to the real world.


IE In the real world you will possibly talk and flirt to more than one person when you are not dating anyone , just the same as online.


There are bad eggs on their but they are also at work, in the pub etc etc.


It is probably easier to filter out online than in the heat of the moment in a pub etc.


As many have said, don't take it to serious, everyone chats to a few people, I tended to shut down my account after a second date and see how it went.

Oakdene

I don't like it but as I don't have the confidence to talk to someone I am interested in face to face, I am kinda stuck with online dating.

I got chatting to a really nice lady who lives quite close to me, & after a couple of days we starting chatting on Whatsapp rather than the dating app. We spoke for around a month or so & I asked if she would like to meet for a drink sometime & she said yes. I messaged her the next day & asked if she was free on the Friday for a drink & I never heard back from her...

Gavin83

AubreyMac wrote: »

The height thing is just ridiculous. How on earth do they think they can get away with that? If they lied over a couple of inches fine but some of the guys I’ve met exaggerated big time.

How much did they exaggerate? :rotfl:

I genuinely don't understand why someone would lie about something that was obvious the second you met them. A slight stretching of the truth maybe but if you're telling people you're 25 and you're actually 45 I think they'll notice.

I've never used online dating so I'm curious. Do they ask for any vital stats to display on your profile?

AubreyMac wrote: »

I've had an issue with stalking before but this was nothing to do with online dating though.

Fair enough. I can appreciate why you're somewhat cautious now then!

mariposa687

Oakdene, that happened to me with a guy I was chatting to except he asked me for coffee, I said yes and he changed the subject so I just blocked him. If someone asks me out I always reply even if it's not the response they would have hoped for.