Mooloo’s Managing it in 2018

Savvy_sewing

Heaven knows, love/hate? Trying to please everyone, trying not to be a failure. I don't know.
Because deep down I don't like hurting anyone.

Not reasons of any sense.
I've known him since 1975.
Habit.
Fear of the unknown.

Not strong enough take your pick, or all of the above.

I'd be no good as a diplomat or mediator I know that.

Savvy_sewing

I heard this evening from Biggest that the nursery, social and some other authority have been trying to get DS's GF to work with them on a voluntary care scheme for about a year. That dgs3 attendance at Nursery was so bad that they were about to remove him from the register. That they don't think he has learning problems just bad parenting but she wouldn't work with them. So she was already in the eye of social. Before DS went back to live there. She was also back in rent arrears and hadn't had DS's name removed off of the tenancy and now he has a court order and an eviction notice too.
Things are slowly getting worse for DS.

But on the plus side the lad had his best day at Nursery today and he is already behaving better and going to bed to routine etc.

I am going to bed now as all this emotional stuff has worn me out.

Savvy_Sue

Mooloo wrote: »

He asked me to tell him if I started dating again.

That, if anything, would finish it for me. Why the blankety blank does he think it will be any of HIS business?

Given that some of the problems between you have been caused by HIS jealousy of you so much as conversing politely with other men, in his presence, he's got a nerve, he really has ...

Block him and move on, you've only got so much capacity for dealing with insecurities, and he's well exceeded yours ...

thorsoak

Beware of blaming everything on the mother of DS children Mooloo ....he is 50% to blame for the state that they - and his children - are in. Don't be suckered in by him any more than you are determined not to be suckered in by ex-BF!

gallygirl

Bless you mooloo you have a lot to handle, even more than usual.

I worry that some years down the line you will make the move to Portugal but your family's troubles will follow you. How will you react if you're in Portugal and DS's 3rd or 4th family hits the rocks? You will need to be able to step back completely - it won't be possible to pick them up from police stations etc., but the guilt will still be there. I hope you find a way to step back.

I can't see the Portuguese expat property market is any different than the Spanish one that I'm familiar with. Forget about your dreams of buying and just concentrate on renting somewhere for holidays. When the time comes to move out there you will probably be abe to pick up a cheap rental, especially if you look to an ex-pat area a few miles inland. In Spain you can get 2-3 bed apartments for €300-350 a month. If you buy you have to pay community fees etc.

I hope you still find time to study your Portuguese. When things settle maybe you could find someone living locally to practice with?

I think of you every time I look at the lovely Roman blinds you made for me (even though we've since moved and I rent the apartment out where they are!).

I'm not normally a religious person, but I have a strange urge to pray for you and your family* xxx





* not exBF though. He's a knobhead .

Savvy_sewing

Thanks Gallygirl.
Glad to see your still around.
My brother has said the same about renting to start with as he wishes that he had when they moved to France. They love the house but not the village.
It's pretty irrelevant at the moment as I would need to reallyvturn my life around.
I did still text with exBF last night as he was asking questions that he only ever seems to ask when we take a break. So I have explained my situation etc my dealings with family etc etc.
It actually helped me to realise that what I was saying was I already know that I cannot go back and his sudden interest in my business ideas and his interest in possibly investing in my dreams is just another hook.
So this morning I have told him that it doesn't change anything and I am not going back.
From now on he is definitely the X.
I have no desire to have another relationship at the moment. I doubt that I would still be in contact with him to tell him either if I did because if I do feel ready he certainly would not be on my mind.

I need to cut the chains there and distance my self from DS.
I am afraid that if I was in Portugal I would not be coming home to bail DS out.
He is unfortunately learning the hard way. I have done all I can. I can't do anything more.
Now Dgd and Home life need attention and the Shop needs to continue to work and pay its way for the rest of the lease. I need to adapt my business life and Home life so Dgd and I are happier.

I can't go back on the roller coaster anymore

Savvy_sewing

thorsoak wrote: »

Beware of blaming everything on the mother of DS children Mooloo ....he is 50% to blame for the state that they - and his children - are in. Don't be suckered in by him any more than you are determined not to be suckered in by ex-BF!

Oh I am not
They are as bad as each other. I'm just saying that the year they were apart she was not coping well.
They don't deserve to be parents when they are so childish themselves. Hard to say but it is a fact

Imagnu_2

Imagnu wrote: »

Long time reader and lurker here !!!55357;!!!56898; With regard to your business, could you find help from someone that can sew from home when you are busy, rather than them being in the shop, and pay them a set rate per item so that it didn't matter how long they took to complete the job, as long as it done to an acceptable standard?

Mooloo wrote: »

Yes that is an idea worth considering. But once this drama is old newspapers I think I will probably manage it. I am reluctant to start new people because of all the wages, pensions, rights etc when I have decided not to continue building the business but to just keep it going for the next 16 months.
My thoughts when not scrambled are to do it myself and not take on so much, while I sell off the excess stock and machinery and try to reduce my stockpile.
I am obviously open to ideas and change though because at the moment I am mush

But you wouldn't have to employ them, they could just invoice you for the work done and deal with their own tax, NI etc.

ivyleaf

That does sound a good idea Imagnu.

Mooloo I do hope you will block "ex"BF's number, because he seems to have done nothing to give you moral support in this situation and has simply added to your stress :mad:

Savvy_sewing

I am going to try to do it myself at the moment.
See how things go.
It's lunchtime so I have stopped to have a sandwich etc that I brought with me. Want to save the funds.
Dgds School have booked the circus again next month so I bought tickets for that this morning.
Next week the children are having their own Wedding and Dgd has to go as a bridesmaid and take flowers. Luckily she can wear her Christening dress!
Then they are camping in the school field soon so needs a tent etc etc.
All fun and games.
I haven't blocked him yet. But after the message I gave him this morning I don't think he will be rushing to pester me. But if he does then yes I will block him.
Although I still want to finish the babies blanket for his daughter.

dGS3 and 6 seem to be settling down at Biggests a bit better now. It's trying to get his last feed into a more normal time that is the only real problem. The rest is about logistics and military timing for them all.
DS has not answered me so far today.
Work has been busy serving in the shop and fittings. Not much sewing has been done. But I am back on track after my weekend sewing.
Still plenty of work coming in through the door. So now my sandwich is finished time to get back to work.