Wife taking surname

kimplus8

I was married (divorced now) and I hated taking his surname, I felt like part of my identity was being wiped away. If I married again I would keep my maiden name.

Pollycat

kimplus8 wrote: »

I was married (divorced now) and I hated taking his surname, I felt like part of my identity was being wiped away. If I married again I would keep my maiden name.

So why did you?

kimplus8

Because I felt I had to, I was in a very toxic relationship and I did as I was told pretty much. Until I woke up! I’m stronger now and would never let that happen again

margaretclare

In my first marriage (1957-1990) I used my own name. When I remarried (2002) I took his name. Reason: I wanted a different identity.

It has only ever been 'custom and practice', or tradition. There has never been a law - in England at least - which stated that a woman must adopt her husband's surname. In some countries, or some US states, there is such a law.

TamsinC

I didn't take my husbands surname - got married 1992 still married 25 years later. Older than you. Why should I change my identity just because I got married. Historically wives took husbands names so people would know who they literally belonged to. Wives were chattel. I refused to perpetuate that. My name is mine and very personal to me. It is who I am.

POPPYOSCAR

It was important to my OH that our children had his surname and as I was not bothered it was my gift to him they were given his name.

When we got married I kept my name.

Never been a problem.

sprocket1

I'm a female married baby boomer who married in the mid 70s, had no intention of changing my name and am still married to the same man. I'm appalled that you should class unwillingness to take your name as a lack of interest. Most of my female contemporaries at university kept their own names. Back then changing your name was seen as a sign of the old paternalistic culture.

Your name is your identity and I would have been distressed to lose it. It can set you back in your career as people know you by one name and may not realise who you are if you change your name. The burearcracy in changing your name is difficult.

Some people may be born with a surname they hate. In that case marriage could be an opportunity to change it.

I find it disturbing that so many younger women seem to opt for a change of name.

nicki1967

I got married the first time and changed my name. Unfortunately the marriage didn't last but s*** happens. I just left it as using the married name. He didn't mind and it was so much easier. Then I went and got married again. Changed my surname to his and, b***** me, he went and had a couple of affairs a few years later. I could have put up with that possibly but the mental and physical abuse started so I kicked him out. As I'd changed my surname both times I had to get my own surname back by deedpoll. :O I'd never change my name again. I have married friends who have kept their own surname. I have married friends where the husband has changed his surname to his wife's when children from a previous relationship are involved. I'm proud of my own surname and think that it's down to the individual whether or not they want to change. At the end of the day, you'll be married.

Susan,_Surrey

We got married in the early Summer. When I separated from my first husband in 2001, I didn’t revert to my maiden name, so I didn’t have the option this time.

Getting my name changes done is taking a huge amount of time and energy. The size of my digital footprint seems to be enormous. In many instances, I can get my ‘greetings’ name changed, but underlying, there’s a user name which appears to be hard coded. Can I get my GifGaf changed? Can I heck. This week, I discovered that the room booking system at work has my previous name embedded. My building society- which issued me a new book in my new name in November has just written to me in my old name (a proper letter, not marketing stuff). I could go on.

With the benefit of hindsight, I would have changed my name back when I separated- or indeed not changed it at all the first time.

My advice- just keep the maiden name, unless the married one just happens to be particularly lovely.

blue_eyed_girl123

I will get married in August next year and then graduate in November in my maiden name. I think it’s just life now, the longer people have their surname, the more things it’s attached to. You have different surnames now and it doesn’t cause you to question her relationship. Let her keep it if she wants to , tell her how you feel if it bothers you so much, or take hers and you’ll still both have the same .