Polite way to say 'don't bother, it's fine'?

JayJay100

So far, we've changed our Christmas Day plans three times, to accommodate my stepson's girlfriend. Admittedly, her family life is complicated, as both of her parents have remarried, all of her grandparents are still around, and everyone expects to see her on Christmas Day. In addition, my stepson's mum has remarried, and he's expected to visit there too.

I've now received a fourth request to rearrange, and a little bit of 'I can't be bothered with this' is starting to creep in. I've tried saying to my stepson that he can happily miss us out, if it makes life easier for them, and we can catch up another time, but his girlfriend is adamant that it's our turn to have them over for Christmas dinner.

Anyone any ideas?

spadoosh

"we're serving dinner at 3 o clock on 25/12/17, we would love you to come along, understand its busy and youve got plenty of people to see but theres a space for you if you want it"

You can change the time and date to suit yourself.

Oakdene

spadoosh wrote: »

"we're serving dinner at 3 o clock on 25/12/17, we would love you to come along, understand its busy and youve got plenty of people to see but theres a space for you if you want it"

You can change the time and date to suit yourself.

Sorry I can't make 3, can we make it 4:15?

Seriously though, as Spadoosh says, say you're sitting down to eat at whatever time & if they can make it that would be great. If not, say they can come over later for a little nibble or something...

Fen1

I feel sorry for the girlfriend. She has an incredibly selfish family, pulling her this way and that. She's trying to please everyone, and it's still not enough. She must be at the end of her tether, being guilt tripped by everyone.
Unfortunately for her, the only way out of this for now and evermore, is for her to put her foot down. X on 24th, Y on 25th, Z on 26th... Then next year everyone moves on a day so the cycle goes round.
But she does not seem to be able to do that.


I suggest you do what *you* want to do. If they are free to come by, great, if not, that's fine too. They might be with you for breakfast, or it might be for evening drinks. Then leave it at that. You have your Christmas and they fit in around you.


Alternatively, go and volunteer at the local homeless shelter for the day, so you won't be in anyway. The people in need get help, and the girlfriend gets less frazzled.

getmore4less

JayJay100 wrote: »

......... his girlfriend is adamant that it's our turn to have them over for Christmas dinner.

Anyone any ideas?

As has been said

You make the rules for what time that dinner is, everyone else fits round you.


at least with that many relatives your turn won't come round for a long time, when it does book a holiday.

spadoosh

Oakdene wrote: »

Sorry I can't make 3, can we make it 4:15?

Seriously though, as Spadoosh says, say you're sitting down to eat at whatever time & if they can make it that would be great. If not, say they can come over later for a little nibble or something...

You can, well be playing cards against humanity with your nan in the living room though.

Oakdene

spadoosh wrote: »

You can, well be playing cards against humanity with your nan in the living room though.

Hmmm after last year, I'm not sure that's a good idea.

Comms69

What ages are we talking about? (gf seems very sensible and therefore I presume they're both adults)

JayJay100

spadoosh wrote: »

"we're serving dinner at 3 o clock on 25/12/17, we would love you to come along, understand its busy and youve got plenty of people to see but theres a space for you if you want it"

You can change the time and date to suit yourself.

That's what we started with, and my stepson asked if I'd mind changing the time, as they really wanted to eat the Christmas lunch with us. Like an idiot, I said the 'that's fine, just let me know what suits you' words...

JayJay100

Fen1 wrote: »

I feel sorry for the girlfriend. She has an incredibly selfish family, pulling her this way and that. She's trying to please everyone, and it's still not enough. She must be at the end of her tether, being guilt tripped by everyone.
Unfortunately for her, the only way out of this for now and evermore, is for her to put her foot down. X on 24th, Y on 25th, Z on 26th... Then next year everyone moves on a day so the cycle goes round.
But she does not seem to be able to do that.


I suggest you do what *you* want to do. If they are free to come by, great, if not, that's fine too. They might be with you for breakfast, or it might be for evening drinks. Then leave it at that. You have your Christmas and they fit in around you.


Alternatively, go and volunteer at the local homeless shelter for the day, so you won't be in anyway. The people in need get help, and the girlfriend gets less frazzled.

I think it's mainly driven by the girlfriend, rather than the family; she seems to have an idea in her head of how it should be, and she needs to see everyone on Christmas day. She's definitely getting stressed over it.

I have suggested meeting up for breakfast, but she wants to see her little brother open his presents at home.

JayJay100

getmore4less wrote: »

As has been said

You make the rules for what time that dinner is, everyone else fits round you.


at least with that many relatives your turn won't come round for a long time, when it does book a holiday.

It has already been said.