Polite way to say 'don't bother, it's fine'?

Pollycat

JayJay100 wrote: »

Partially my fault, as I said that I'd fit in with their plans, and I meant it at the time; it's easy for us to change our plans, as there's just the two of us, or occasionally four. It was the chopping and changing that I was getting exasperated with, but now that I've realised that she plans everything down to the minutest detail, I have a better understanding of it.

I don't think we're at the bottom of the list; I think she's just trying to do what she thinks other people, including my stepson, want to do, and to keep everyone happy. I'm not sure who said it, but I think they were spot on when they mentioned the Christmas advert idea of a perfect Christmas.

I've said that we're aiming to eat at about 2, and they're welcome to join us if they can make it, no problem if they can't, and there will be plenty left if they're after 2.

But doesn't she appreciate that by continually changing arrangements she's putting you out?
It must have rankled with you or you wouldn't have started the thread.

I'm a planner.
I think I have OCD tendencies when it comes to time.
I hate people being early.
People being late infuriates me.
If I say I'll be ready at 2:30pm, then I will be ready and waiting.
If you come at 2.29pm, I won't be.

I know to the minute how long it takes me to shower, dry my hair, moisturise, get dressed and get to the bus stop as the bus is coming round the corner.

Even I know that all the amount of planning in the world doesn't work when you're visiting people at Christmas - especially at lots of different houses.

NeilCr

JayJay100 wrote: »

You have indeed. It was totally different to what I wanted it to be, but, in a way, it was even better. I know some of my mum's dancing friends to say hello to, but I haven't really spoken to them before, and they were such good company; full of fun and life and no petty arguments. Mum was chatting non-stop and had the biggest smile on her face. Six of the family turned up for the meal, after saying that they couldn't make it, but the venue just moved another table in and it was sorted out within minutes. I wasn't sure how many people were going to turn up to the evening part; the venue closed part of the room off, so we weren't rattling around in a massive space, but opened it up again when more family arrived. I thought that the things I'd arranged for the children would be wasted, but not so; the dancing friends were straight in there, dressing up, having their faces painted and photos taken. It was a really good laugh. Not so keen on arranging another one, though!

Well

In the last two months you have had major issues with your niece, stepson, newly found sisters, cousin. Obviously that’s hugely stressful for you but I do wonder whether you should be taking a chill pill and just try and let things run their course a bit more.

After all, as you say, your mum’s party went just fine

Say how you feel and step away. In the end, from what I can see from your posts, the main person who is really getting stressed is you.

Newly_retired

I hope it all works out for you tomorrow.

It has struck me that this year, with the way the days fall,many of us actually have four days to spread out the visits : Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday.....
I have never, because of distance, had the possibility of seeing more than one set of relatives on any one day. DH and I always spend The days running up to Christmas at home, maybe fitting in one set of relatives, with Christmas Day together, then we each go our separate ways , so that we each see our distant ( in miles ) relatives on Boxing Day or the next day.

Everyone has to work out their own plans in the best way they can.

melanzana

The stress of Christmas for some is unreal. I do realise that everyone wants to do the right thing and see/host relatives etc.

But I am firmly of the opinion, that if you scratch the surface most people just want to be in their own homes and da heck with everyone else. There are 364 other days in the year to see everyone, remember!

I personally would not be dictated to by anyone. But that's me.

Do what you feel is appropriate, it is your house and your timetable after all. And Christmas can be fraught with this and that difficulty here and there, although it does happen, but unplanned mostly (weather, illness, traffic) and we live with it.

What does your son say about all this. Probably already answered apologies if so.

Wishing you all the best.