ASD and Appointee


I'm not sure whether this is the right section or not, but I require some help/input.

I'm Autistic (ASD) and my mother is my carer and appointee - she receives ESA and DLA/PIP on my behalf.
My relationship with my mother has deteriorated over the last year after I discovered she hadn't been entirely upfront about my benefits since I had started claiming ESA back in 2011.

During the application process for ESA (Autumn 2010), my mother said I'd be receiving a small monthly allowance out of my ESA. However, every time it was discussed after that initial statement, the number was cut in half. Eventually that was forgotten about until September 2011 when I finally questioned why I had yet to receive the money she was suppose to be allocating me. From that time I started receiving £20 a month out of my ESA.
Over the new few years, she kept telling me how expensive I am to keep, and how she's out of pocket because I don't leave the house often (due to psychological distress), I run up more utility and food bills than anyone else in my household.

In 2014 my mom started to miss giving me my £20/month allowance. At first it was a few months here and there, but then it ultimately stopped.
Going forwards, I had to become reliant on money from grandparents for pay for things like clothes and shoes.

In the Spring of this year I discovered my benefits (ESA specifically) was a lot higher than I was previously led to believe. My mother who prides herself on treating all her children equally had been receiving £720/m on my behalf, whilst asking my siblings for £200/m for they're board.

A few weeks after my discovery, I confronted my mom about why she had been receiving that sort of money on my behalf, and providing very little for the amount of money. This led to an argument where she effectively said I need to start looking for somewhere else to live, because I said I didn't believe that amount of money she is receiving for my care is justified by the small amount of additional care that I do receive from her. She offered to help start the process into looking for somewhere else to live, and would transfer my benefits over into my name. However, she gave me a draft letter that she intended to send to the DWP saying I was capable things I'm not, and that would be damaging to my PIP transition in the near future. She then proceeded to ignore me.
After a few weeks of being ignored,, things had cooled down, and she agreed to start giving me a monthly allowance again, but significantly higher.

During September I had my PIP home assessment. Whilst I'm aware I was successful in my claim, I have yet to actually be informed/updated on my DLA>PIP status.

In October the subject was brought up again. I asked for slightly more money so i could start becoming a bit more financially responsible for myself/my needs. This led to me being told I no longer have a home, and to remove myself from her house. This is something I perceived to be a bluff. Instead I was ignored for nearly 3 weeks.

Last week I asked for my NI number to confirm my identity on a website. She was reluctant to give it, and began to insinuate that I was up to devious things, despite me explaining that I needed it to confirm my identity. This made her paranoid that I was up to something, despite being transparent with the reason I needed it.
On Tuesday morning I was woken up to her asking me if I had been messing around with my PIP because it hadn't been paid into her account.

And now we come to today... I asked her if I was going to be receiving my Christmas bonus this year (this is the first year I've even known about it). This led to an argument and my telling her a few home truths (I insinuated that she has been financially exploiting me).

She has since thrown me out, and I'm currently at my grandparents house. She has made threats to get the police involved if I try to return home. She's apparently called them saying I've been emotionally and domestically abusive towards her, and that Social Services are getting involved to say I'm more capable than I've made myself out to be.

So I guess my question is: What are my options?

If I apply for something like supported living, would that affect my benefits?

Can I have my benefits in my name, and receive the necessary support for the administration side of things (filling in future forms, attending assessments)?


  • GlasweJen
    GlasweJen Posts: 7,451
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    I think you need to be seeing your GP and asked to be referred urgently to adult social services. I’m sorry to say but it sounds like you’ve been emotionally and financially abused by your mother and now that you’ve called her bluff she’s thrown you out into the street.
  • Ames
    Ames Posts: 18,459 Forumite
    I agree with Glaswejen. It sounds like you've been abused financially by your mum. As you're a vulnerable person this is quite serious. You need to speak to your GP and they can refer you to people who can help, in particular social services.

    If you search for posts by himynameisaaron you'll find he's had a similar problem, the advice he got would be useful to you as well.
    Unless I say otherwise 'you' means the general you not you specifically.
  • anmarj
    anmarj Posts: 1,816
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    Appointee can be removed for benefit purposes but it will entail visits, somebody needs to ring one of the departmens and get the ball rolling.
  • Thanks for replying

    My Nan and I have since been in contact with social services. They took a bunch of information in regards to the situation. My Nan was able to provide more information than I - I answered the questions I was asked, where as my Nan relayed more information in regards to my situation.

    I haven't been able to find posts by himynameisaaron, but I'd appreciate it if you could link me directly!
  • w06
    w06 Posts: 917 Forumite
    It sounds as though you and your Nan have set the right wheels in motion, it's social service and possibly their adult safeguarding team, that you need to inform of what's been going on.

    Make sure that they also deal with the DWP so that your benefits stop being paid to your mum.
  • Social services has been in contact with mom Mom, and she's willing to allow me to come home as long as 'I curb my anger', and continue with the status quo.
    Social services will continue to be involved.
  • Ames
    Ames Posts: 18,459 Forumite
    Social services has been in contact with mom Mom, and she's willing to allow me to come home as long as 'I curb my anger', and continue with the status quo.
    Social services will continue to be involved.

    Have you agreed to go back? It doesn't sound like that would be best for you.
    Unless I say otherwise 'you' means the general you not you specifically.
  • GlasweJen
    GlasweJen Posts: 7,451
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    Do they think going back is best for you? Do you think going back is best for you?
  • I haven't agreed to anything as of yet. I'm spending time thinking about my options at the moment in time. However, it is more than likely that I will return home within the next few days as staying at my Nan's is not a viable long-term option.

    Despite talking to social services on the phone, I haven't really been able to process what they've said word for word, but from what I understand is they are now being involved in my situation, and I will eventually be assigned a social worker.

    I don't really know what I'm doing or getting involved in, but it seems from the replies of this thread that contacting Social Services was the right decision.
  • robpw2
    robpw2 Posts: 14,044
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    I really dont think you should go back , i think your walking back into the lions den..

    Slimming world start 28/01/2012 starting weight 21st 2.5lb current weight 17st 9-total loss 3st 7.5lb
    Slimmer of the month February , March ,April
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