help re baby sleep (merged)

fishingcinema

and good luck too bailey

positivelymummy

the advice i gave earlier is harsh and its tough to really carry it through, so many of my sister in laws, friends etc gave up after an hour or 2 nights, i completey trusted my step mum (my siblings are 18 and 20 years younger than me so i saw it in practise anyway!) so i disciplined myself and told myself if it didn;t work in 7 days i'd rib her forever!!!:D its one of those things where you either do it and carry it though or just dont even bother, cos its just confusing and sending mixed messages to the child, if you do it and give in on the second night, then you have to start all over again, i think i looked it at by saying to myself, i'd rather have 7 sleepless nights in a row if it means sleeping every night after that! also it did help that Dallas was on UK gold at the time at 4am!!!:D good luck

[Deleted User]

Hi PM, I was discussing this with my DH last night and he agrees its excellent advice but hard work. He doubts if we would be able to see it through if I am in the house but I said we would have to support each other. At least if we came downstairs and put the TV on low with a hot drink, the crying isn't so much in your face as it would be lying in bed listening to it.

He suggested I stay at my mum's for the first night or so but I said that was unfair as we should be in it together and its a lot for one person to keep going upstairs every 4 mins for over an hour, it would make you so tired in the morning. I suggested if we are both downstairs we could support each other and do a journey every other, so we only do it once every 8 mins, about 7 times an hour.

We've decided to wait until he turns one as my HV said controlled crying it more effective and works quicker in the over 1's than under 1. Its going to be so hard but he's got to learn to settle himself at night rather us going in with a dummy every few hours and at times having to get him out of the cot for a cuddle as he's so hysterical.

DH queried if we should give up the dummy completely so he learns to go to sleep without it, but I don't know, sometimes its my lifesaver during the day. I was thinking put him down as normal with the dummy but if he wakes during the night he has to settle himself without it. Do you think that would work, otherwise our screaming episode is going to start at 7pm and i'm on my own then, DH is rarely home before 7.30pm usually after 8pm and on Mondays its 9pm and Tuesday's midnight.

He's been a complete pickle just going for his nap now, has taken me 90 mins to finally get him to sleep, little monkey. He is usually ok with his naps but every now and again, he plays up and fights it even though he is completely knackered.

Help.....................time is still on our side but this baby is growing and I can't cope with a newborn keeping me up and a 14 month old waking every few hours either.

jpwhittle

i can honestly sympathise with you here my litle boy did the same thing for months he wouldnt sleep after being such a good sleeper. he started to make himself sick so id go in and change him and that ment starting the tantrum from scratch when he went back to bed. in the end on the advice of a lot of people i had to just leave him. if he was sick it stayed therew till morning as long as he was safe. i had to do something he was driving me potty.
it was the best thing i ever did as well in 3 nights he stopped and started sleeping really well again.
but now im back there and hating it its even worse this time. hes been in a big boy bed for 6months now and always been very good. but over the last 2 weeks hes started screaming ( proper screaching) when we put him to bed, screaming when we go to bed to check him , and this goes on for hours , loast night it was 2 hours, then up at four and if we dont let him in our bed it goes on for hours again. i dont know whats started it its come from nowere and to the extent i was crying at midnight on the phone to my mum and dad as i really didnt know what to do. (iv just got over PND so dont know how i would have coped before.)
So tonight on advice from my mum im not going in to check hes covered as i know he covers himself up anyway and the stairgate is being moved to his bedroom door then he cant keep coming out to us. i feel im losing my bed to him (he got himself in my bed last night and husband said hed sleep downstairs wich i said no to) And if he screams tonight he will be left to scream. im exhausted and cant keep going through this routine. it seems cruel but you get to the stage you have to as this isnt good for anyone.
sorry for rambling im just fed up and tired and feel like crying again. my only advice is to leave your child to cry it out they soon learn and go back to sleep.
again sorry for going on

patchwork_cat

could be like night terrors ?- http://toddlerstoday.com/resources/articles/nightterrors.htm

inkie

Controlled crying technique as described above. See Dr Christopher Green's advice in his book'toddler taming'. Its hard slog, but the rewards will pay off, and is not as hard of having no sleep night in and night out.

fishingcinema

i definatly know how ur feeling im soooooo exhausted its unreall it really wears you down i have only just got my 2 yr old into a cot and sleeping reasonably well she also used to make herself sick and now seems almost as if her younger sister is copieing her the worst thing is that no matter what i do she still crys i think i am going to have to try the controled crying route how far i get is another matter theres no need to appologise everyone needs to get things off there chest we are all here to listen and help eachother and if you are feeling anything like me you just want to scream and feel like u are banging your head against a brick wall

jpwhittle wrote: »

i can honestly sympathise with you here my litle boy did the same thing for months he wouldnt sleep after being such a good sleeper. he started to make himself sick so id go in and change him and that ment starting the tantrum from scratch when he went back to bed. in the end on the advice of a lot of people i had to just leave him. if he was sick it stayed therew till morning as long as he was safe. i had to do something he was driving me potty.
it was the best thing i ever did as well in 3 nights he stopped and started sleeping really well again.
but now im back there and hating it its even worse this time. hes been in a big boy bed for 6months now and always been very good. but over the last 2 weeks hes started screaming ( proper screaching) when we put him to bed, screaming when we go to bed to check him , and this goes on for hours , loast night it was 2 hours, then up at four and if we dont let him in our bed it goes on for hours again. i dont know whats started it its come from nowere and to the extent i was crying at midnight on the phone to my mum and dad as i really didnt know what to do. (iv just got over PND so dont know how i would have coped before.)
So tonight on advice from my mum im not going in to check hes covered as i know he covers himself up anyway and the stairgate is being moved to his bedroom door then he cant keep coming out to us. i feel im losing my bed to him (he got himself in my bed last night and husband said hed sleep downstairs wich i said no to) And if he screams tonight he will be left to scream. im exhausted and cant keep going through this routine. it seems cruel but you get to the stage you have to as this isnt good for anyone.
sorry for rambling im just fed up and tired and feel like crying again. my only advice is to leave your child to cry it out they soon learn and go back to sleep.
again sorry for going on

positivelymummy

oh i really feel for those who spend half the night awake listening to crying etc and then are zombied the next day, i remember how i would have sold my granny for 10 mins sleep!!! and even when they did stop crying and fall asleep i would be that stressed out i couldnt sleep myself!, i do think its important though to actually go in to the room rather than ignore it completely, this way you are definately sending the signal to the child (that being..they cry...parent comes in...soothes...keep crying...parents goes out...keep crying) all that repition = i'm not going to be picked up/fed/taken to sleep with mummy, these actions show the child that you are aware that they are crying but also showing the child that they'r not going to be picked up etc, i've never tried completely ignoring? what message would they get from that? they may end up crying even more thinking they are not being heard or abodoned etc? everyone has their own methods and i'm no expert, i'm just glad it worked for me! cos i looove sleeping!!:D oh and my OH promised me he would get up and keep me company:rolleyes: he lied!:D hey i had JR Ewing to watch, i was happy enough! good luck, i'm praying you all sleep at least 8 hours tonight!

jpwhittle

leaving noah alone was a desperate measure and not one i took lightly please be assured im nopt an abusive neglectful mother but id tried everything including controlled crying and it didnt work. hed just know i was going back and continue. i always check he is ok i dont just obviously ignore him but i have to give no attention after so long or he carries on.
it was aheartbreaking descicion to let him cry but i really had no choice. my little boy is very stubborn and very strong willed. he has always been demanding but i got to the stage i had to take drastic mesures. even the health visitor agreed it was time to leave him be as he knew what he was doingt. hes very clever.
hope this makes sense i really was desperate and i did the controlled crying where you extended the time between going back in and that got to 90 minutes som,ething had to be done.

fishingcinema

hi thanks for all your kind coments and tips/advicetouch wood the last two nights i have put her in the travel cot she has fallen asleep on her own as normal then when she has woken up i have out her in her cot and she has slept the remainder of the night also as some one else mentioned and i said no another tooth has popped through and to top it all of her and her sister have a terible cold and real chesty cough come out of nowherei know using the travel cot and her cot together is setting me up for trouble but untill the cold has gone i am going to stick with it for a few good nights myself then after the colds have gone if she is still the same i will try the controled cryingthanks againnat