Overbearing overspending parent

ska_lover

Hugh_Cumber wrote: »

I’m thinking of threatening not to come round this Christmas if she doesn’t stop.

Total brattish behavior - Behave how I want, or I will completely ruin Christmas


Ask her to donate to charity instead of giving gifts - if she keeps buying you stuff you do not want, donate it to charity. Tell her you have everything you want, and any further gifts will be donated. Then if she continues you have no reason to feel any way about it, its her choice


Get a grip, tis the season to be jolly, not hold people over a bloomin barrel - she clearly enjoys doing this and you are using it as a ''reason to be offended'


The title to this thread ''overbearing overspending parent'' really is pretty insulting and you talk about your mother like you don't even like her.

Mojisola

Hugh_Cumber wrote: »

I’m posting to ask for peoples opinion on how to deal with an overbearing, Christmas spending obsessed mother.

Then for the weeks leading up to Christmas I’m bombarded with with pics of random things in shops and messages asking “what about this ?” To which I reply no thank you, please stop.

So she just buys random things to fill a spending quota.

I’m always being made out to be the bad guy and that I’m ‘ungrateful’ and a grinch.

ska_lover wrote: »

Total brattish behavior - Behave how I want, or I will completely ruin Christmas

Isn't it the mother who is doing this - accept all my presents (even though I know you don't want them) or you're being ungrateful?

Mojisola

Hugh_Cumber wrote: »

My house is filling up with crap I don’t want, need or use and I feel guilty selling it or she sometimes asks “how’s that slow cooker” (it’s fine it’s still in the box).

Would she go for one big 'experience' gift or does it have to be quantity over quality?

If it has to be quantity, make a list in the run-up to Christmas of things you would buy yourself anyway and let her get those for you.

Then be very firm about selling on or regifting or donating unwanted things to charity. You don't have to tell her.

She's drowning you in unwanted gifts and it's controlling behaviour. If you don't start managing it, it could ruin your relationship with your Mum.

onomatopoeia99

ska_lover wrote: »

Total brattish behavior - Behave how I want, or I will completely ruin Christmas

Hold on, it's the mother that's running the child down for not wanting to be showered with unwelcome gifts and deliberately refusing to accept and understand their choices. Calling them a grinch, really? How is that in any way acceptable behaviour? That's the very definition of overbearing.

Pollycat

OP
Are you an only child?

Does your Mum have a busy life (work, lots of friends)?

Can she afford all this stuff you see as rubbish?

It seems a shame that she's spending money on things that you don't want/don't appreciate.
You say that you keep saying 'no thank you' but have you really sat down with her and talked this through?
If she's clearly determined to spend money on you, can you channel that into something that you do really want instead of things that you don't want? a holiday maybe? An expensive camera?

ska_lover

Mojisola wrote: »

Isn't it the mother who is doing this - accept all my presents (even though I know you don't want them) or you're being ungrateful?

Point taken. It is a hard one, they are both kind of stuck in a vicious circle


However she does seem to be asking him 'would you like such and such' - she's obviously putting a lot of time and thought into attempting to make him happy. Her intention seems good to me. I am sure she would be horrified if she realized he was thinking of ''thinking of threatening not to come round this Christmas if she doesn’t stop''


I don't understand where all the unwelcome presents come from if she is asking him. Clearly some of her ideas are way off the mark, but he is acting like it is a big inconvenience to even bother to respond to her messages


Isn't it what we teach small children to graciously accept presents, whatever is given?

LMG1305

I feel your pain. I know it is definitely something we shouldn't complain about, but I have a similar issue except I don't even get asked if there is anything I would like. My stepmum just buys random 'stuff'. I have clothes bought for me that are 2 sizes too big, beauty products that I can't use because I have quite sensitive skin, household items that never get used and the list goes on.

As you are in the position where your mum does ask you for ideas, why don't you suggest something like a weekend away or one of those experiences like the track days etc or theatre/concert tickets? Maybe even ask if instead of buying you gifts, why don't you suggest the both of you go somewhere for dinner & the theatre or something similar. These may be more to the budget that she has in mind, so she will then hopefully spend less money on random stuff.

ska_lover

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

Hold on, it's the mother that's running the child down for not wanting to be showered with unwelcome gifts and deliberately refusing to accept and understand their choices. Calling them a grinch, really? How is that in any way acceptable behaviour? That's the very definition of overbearing.

According to the OP's posts, his mother hadn't called him a Grinch - just that he feels he was ''made out'' to be one - maybe that is a self imposed feeling. - Could you clarify OP, has your mother actually called you names? (or am I getting the wrong end of the stick)


To be honest, I don't see that being called a Grinch is really an insult, but obviously it is to other people.

Ms_Chocaholic

Can you suggest she buys things for you to do together, a meal out at a nice restaurant, a city break?

ampersand

'Mum, whatever you buy will be going straight to the charity shop - all of it. I'll pick you up and we can take it there together. Then, I'll take you out for lunch/dinner. We'll have a really good day.'