A Simpler Life 2018

fuddle

Depression isn't just a younger generation thing. Our older folk can have depression as well. Many don't talk about it, don't realise they have it and haven't the ability to look on the bright side for the future. MILs are difficult. I know this but there could well be a very sad, lonely, frustrated and worried person hiding behind the gusto.

DH brought me hessian sacks for potato storage last night. They came with some sand bags but the company didn't want the sacks just the sand bags so they have been saved from the skip and will be used for my veg for years to come.

jamanda

Ploppy, thank you.


My mother would rather try to walk to the moon than attend a day centre or, indeed, mix with anyone. She has always been the same. She hasn't been to the doctors to be diagnosed because we were both so devastated when we took my dad for his assessment. It was the experience itself, rather than the diagnosis. She is scared, and I don't blame her. I'll have to go if she gets any worse, but I sincerely believe she will totally give up or try to kill herself off in these circumstances. I can't do that to her, although I know you are advising the "sensible" way forward.


Monna - I cut more slack for my mum than you would ever believe. I am sorry I generalised - probably my mum's circle were all of a similar nature. I really do understand how difficult it is for her (my Dad sobbed that he had lost everything - having to leave his home and get rid of his car, and that is all he lived for). It is heartbreaking for everyone.


However, I firmly believe that old people are just the same as young people but they have been here longer.


Therefore, it follows that some old people are still lovely people, but those who were shallow when younger become more shallow with age. People don't change their personalities just because they are older, and I am sure your family treasure you immensely. You are humorous, intelligent and uplifting. My mother is a "glass half full pessimist" and has always been so.

Monna, I apologise to you. I wouldn't upset you for the world.
J

WartimeScrapingofMarmite

patentgirl wrote: »

I totally agree this was one of the top things on my simplifying list we kept getting invited out coming home spent money rather be saving both DH both saying wish we hadn't bothered so now trying to say no a lot more often good thing DH is on same page as me! Have found it easier than I thought.

Must admit, I feel no guilt at all about saying no alot of the time - I am happier at home, in my pyjamas with a good book or watching a film with my family anyway, plus like you, I'd rather save the money for something enjoyable.

My mum was very ill last year with cancer, thankfully she has been given the all clear, but it certainly put things into perspective for me and now I want to prioritise time with my family doing nice things we all enjoy - even if it's just chatting over a cup of tea and cake!

Edited to add, as regards Alexa type gadgets, I loathe them! I find it really scary how dependent a whole generation seems to be becoming on gadgets such as these...........and I'm a bit scared of the whole Terminator thing coming true too! I do have a smartphone, but I've disabled Siri as it seemed to have a mind of its own.....creepy......

suki1964

monnagran wrote: »

As one of the burdensome, self-absorbed generation who has recently lived for 2 years with son's family (albeit in my house) I'll not take part in this discussion. I'm likely to say far, far too much and upset far too many people.

All I will say is that unless you are over 80 and know how it feels to be forced into a completely strange way of life that is none of your choosing it might be just as well to cut your unpleasant oldies a little bit of slack. Karma will be listening.

Monnagran, just want to say, my mum has always been the same. I'm not saying she is the way she is because of age or circumstance. She just isn't a nice person.

I cut her a lot of slack. My mother left us three girls in 1976. I was 11, my sisters were 13 and 7. My father was a very violent abusive man and she left us with him when she had an affair with a married man. When that failed, she still never came back for us, instead whe partied like a single woman until she found a wealthy widow. Our childhoods were full of misery and tears and hardship, whilst hers was pure luxury in comparison, new cars, holidays abroad etc etc I am the only one who even talks to her now

monnagran

Jamanda and Suki, I understand completely having had a wonderful mother but the mil from hell. But now I am nearly 80 things look very different. In your head you know that when you get old there will be a lot that you can no longer do and that you may well have aches, pains and physical disabilities, but emotionally you can't accept that this is going to happen to ME. The shock is immense.
Like you I think that in old age you become more of what you have always been. Not everyone will, or deserve to be, a sweet little old lady revered by her family. I'm still working on the revered bit.
I think it was the 'self-absorbed generation' that got to me. Most people of my age that I know have brought up families and when they have flown the nest it is time to look after ageing parents. They have always put the needs of others first and they themselves have been so far down the pecking order as to be almost invisible.

For the last 6 months I have lived alone for the first time. It is bliss. For the first time ever I can eat what I like when I like. I can do what I like how I like. I have no one's ego to nurse but my own. If I don't want to get up until 11 am it is no one's business but mine.
Selfish? Possibly. Self-absorbed? Probably. Enjoyable? You bet.

I'm quite sure that some of my nearest and dearest think my lifestyle is appalling. That's just too bad.

Added to that I am gradually making my life simpler and simpler. I don't have enough years left to be dealing with flim-flam and as I was brought up in a time when if you survived the night you were already ahead of the game, I have plenty of experience of life at its most basic.

I really don't think that possession of an Alexa would add to the sum of my happiness at all.

fuddle

What monna did was put her family before her needs and lived like that for 2 years. Monna I believe you were depressed and even though you would never admit such nonsense you know better than to argue with me. I know a lot about monna's situation and I was upset reading the thread this morning because I knew, if she saw it, it would be a hard read for her. What I'm saying is non of us know what is really going on in people's lives and sometimes something so simple can tug at vulnerabilities.

The ladies who are caring for cantankerous MILs you are wonderful women... I couldn't do it and I'm relieved that my MiL has 2 daughters with much bigger houses than I!

jamanda

Yes, I was totally in the wrong. I was judging a generation by my mother's circle. I am also aware that Monna spends her life doing things for others, including feeding 5,000 at a time with her baking.


To be honest, I never considered Monna to be anything like my parents and their circle of friends/siblings.

monnagran

Aw, shucks. You embarrass me.
My heart goes out to those of you who had rotten childhoods because of unnatural, callous parents. You are quite right, they don't deserve that you should look after them in their old age, but thankfully we were not all like that.

My children have already threatened me with being looked after by them.
Huh! Hell will have to freeze over first.

Now we must get on with simplifying our lives.

fuddle

I can help with the topic of simplifying this evening. I've ran out of kitchen cleaner. On purpose. I wanted to make my own and have done. Some doses of vinegar, washing up liquid, tea tree and water later I have something that'll do the job. The lack of 99.9% promise of being antibacterial is worrying me as my immune system is proving utterly rubbish and I have 2 children who bring more germs in my home than laughs but I am weighing it up with less chemicals being breathed into my lungs. :cool:

If it works I won't be a cleaner consumer, one more step into self reliance and at a snippet of the price. Here's hoping we get along but the big general purpose test will be how it cleans the microwave.

System

I can help with the topic of simplifying this evening. I've ran out of kitchen cleaner. On purpose. I wanted to make my own and have done. Some doses of vinegar, washing up liquid, tea tree and water later I have something that'll do the job.

I like to use:

2 parts water
1 part surgical spirit (from the chemist)
Squirt of washing up liquid
Few drops of lemon juice.