Home Alone; How old for child?

gravitytolls

the common sense approach, seems llike so much common sense to me.

My eldest is almost 16. He's a capable lad, forward if needing to speak to others, but utterly lacking in common sense, which is why he manages to get himself into bother at school, and anywhere else that unsuitable buddies may be. And despite years of explanations, tears and upsets, still manages to make the wrong choices. Yet, I know he could be trusted to remain safe, to call for emergency services, feed himself etc. when left alone. But I wouldn't leave him in charge of anyone else!

The almost 15 yr old is the opposite. Nice lad, completely trustworthy with regards to minding younger children, but couldn't ask him to get a bus home from a different stop and expect him to find it. If he missed a bus he would just wait for another to come along and hope it was going the righ tway- he wouldn't think to call. He simply doesn't know how to respond in a given situation.

I guess they're all different all the time, and having special needs doesn't make any difference to this theory. I guess it depends on the needs of the child.

Please, let common sense prevail instead of judgements and accusations.

Bossyboots

There is some useful info on this site. I haven't read every page here so apologise if it has already been posted. http://www.childrenslegalcentre.com/Templates/Topic.asp?NodeID=90323

jellyhead

panda, that's why i asked about DLA and extra tax credits - if the poster doesn't already get it then getting it may mean she can afford to change her working hours. i work around my son, have given up recently for maternity and don't expect to go back anytime soon but when i was working i only worked school hours. it's easy to do when you're married though - if i was a single mum what could i do? i'd have to work in the school holidays and there's no childcare here suitable for my son (he's statemented etc. but not diagnosed). i was lucky that i wasn't on tax credits etc. and could pick and choose my working hours, hubby was the main breadwinner.

being escorted to and from special needs school is the norm, it doesn't mean the child NEEDS escorting. our special needs school is 11 miles away. there's a school bus that comes to collect everyone from our town, and yes it's supervised but not all of the children on the bus need supervision. plus, there are many reasons for going to special needs school - severe dyslexia, even asthma, i knew a girl who missed so much school due to asthma she had to go to the special needs school because she was years behind in terms of learning so wasn't happy in mainstream school. we're assuming that this boy is in special school because of his aspergers but it may not be the case. he might also live in an area where he knows all the neighbours and could knock on any door if somebody came into the house and scared him or something went wrong. it was like that for me as a kid but not here for my son.

i mentioned this thread to hubby yesterday on the way to asda, we had to weave our way through all the street kids in the gutter and he too thinks it odd that while the OP is being criticised for leaving a 12 year old at home there don't seem to be any laws regarding leaving toddlers and young children unsupervised on the streets all day. are parents prosecuted when their children are abducted from the streets and murdered, or run over?

Savvy_Sue

pandas66 wrote:

But I think if your child needs to be escorted to and from school then supervision is defiently needed at home.

But the OP's son may not need to be escorted home: it may just be that this is the only way the LEA can get him to and from the school he needs to attend. I know kids who are taxied to and from school because they live out in the sticks, there are no buses to the nearest schools, and it's over the walking distance.

(Sorry, typing the above at the same time as Jellyhead!)

pandas66 wrote:

You did ask for opinions but why after nearly a full school year.

Because the escort has told her son he shouldn't be home alone!

Anyway, I really came on to say that there was a discussion about exactly this topic on Woman's Hour this morning, to which you can listen again, and there will likely be a range of views on their bulletin board by now.

Savvy_Sue

gravitytolls wrote:

The almost 15 yr old is the opposite. Nice lad, <snip> but couldn't ask him to get a bus home from a different stop and expect him to find it. If he missed a bus he would just wait for another to come along and hope it was going the righ tway- he wouldn't think to call. He simply doesn't know how to respond in a given situation.

:rotfl: Sounds just like my middle one! Trouble is, the eldest has such a good sense of direction, can almost sniff his way home, so kind of took it for granted that the middle one would be able to find his way from school to his Dad's work so I could pick him up for an optician's appointment. He's been there often enough, but not on his own. We talked through the directions: go to MacDonalds, go over the footbridge, turn left, turn right at the church.

So what does he do? Goes to the wrong flipping MacDonalds, the one not particularly near a footbridge, goes over the wrong footbridge, and starts heading into the sunset! Thinks it's a bit further than he thought it was, but doesn't call, because he can see a church in the distance, and waits for my agonised "Where are you????" call.

We had to rearrange the optician's appointment ... but we learned that that DS needs clearer instructions than his brother does, who airily says "I'll find it" and does!

Poppy9

Savvy_Sue wrote:

So what does he do? Goes to the wrong flipping MacDonalds, the one not particularly near a footbridge, goes over the wrong footbridge, and starts heading into the sunset! Thinks it's a bit further than he thought it was, but doesn't call, because he can see a church in the distance, and waits for my agonised "Where are you????" call.

We had to rearrange the optician's appointment ... but we learned that that DS needs clearer instructions than his brother does, who airily says "I'll find it" and does!

OMG this sound like my husband. Blooming useless with instructions or directions. If we separate in the City Centre and arrange to meet up you can bet he's got the wrong shop, cafe, time etc. Thank God for mobile phones.:T

To get back to OP question. A lot depends on the child. Most adults in over the age of 30 grew up having a lot more freedom and responsibility than this generation. I played out on the streets with a crowd of friends from as young as I can remember. I went off walking miles to parks and playgrounds - just coming home for tea. I walked to and from the school bus in primary, as did all the other kids. Yet even though the school bus stops at the bottom of my drive I usually wait outside for the school bus with my daughter (age 10)! I have started to let her some mornings wait by herself - but then feel guilty cos there are other mums/dads with their kids waiting and I don't want them to think I am being lazy. She is also allowed to let herself in if OH on nights and just getting up. I pre arrange this with bus escort so she is aware. Yes there are dangers but thats life. Most kids accidents that occur in the home are when a parent is with them. This does have the advantage in that there is another person to get help but it does not stop the accident happening.

Anyway - any ideas how to sort out my hubby:question:

pandas66

Get him to repeat back to you where/when the meeting is to be, thats what i do with mine. See if their listening to which i get a very clear 'doh'

Savvy_Sue

Poppy9 wrote:

Anyway - any ideas how to sort out my hubby:question:

You can get tracker devices now where you sort of 'ping' their mobile phone to see where they are - is that any use? They're designed for kids but surely could be used in this situation? :rotfl:

Mind you Panda's suggestion is a good one. It's always my fault when I lose my DH because although I know exactly which shop I mean I can't always remember what it's called now, if it was called something else a few years ago!

Poppy9

Oh Savvy I like the idea of a tracking device. Combined with Sav Nav I would be well away :rotfl:

4Chickens

Thank you everyone for all your thoughts on this subject.
My son goes to special school primarily for his dyslexia and he has transport because we live quite aways from his school. His Aspergers Syndrome is extremely mild and causes him and me less problems the older he is getting. The house rules are very simple and non negotiable. However, the other night I went out for the evening leaving my hubbie and my son at home on their own. My husband allowed my son to bake a cake. Not a problem you would think? Well the eggs that were in the fridge were hard boiled, but my son was not discouraged by this, oh no, quite the opposite, he figured he didn't need the eggs. When I got home the kitchen was a mess. The cake (such as it was) was stuck inside a roasting tin. When I questioned my son on his reasoning for a)baking a cake when I wasn't there, and b)not using eggs was ok, his response was "well dad was here" and my response was "your father doesn't know one end of a Bl@@@y cake from another".
Despite the cake baking I trust my son implicitly. I cannot prepare him for every eventuality and no matter how old he is I will never be able to protect him from every danger. As one post mentioned earlier most children have their accidents when their parents are around and I can support this, my son currently has a plaster cast on his wrist because he came off his skateboard at Mach2 right outside our sitting room window. Well we are on school hols at the moment so it is not really an issue but I've got the feeling that the 'escort' is not going to let this go. So if there are any developements after half term I'll keep you posted.

Again thank you all for views and advice.

Regards