Home Alone; How old for child?

jellyhead

i got run over once biking my way to school - by the headmaster! he blamed me too, nasty pastie ... two girls here of 10 and 11 were scared by a flasher on their way to school, they ran to school and were fine, but like their mum says the 11 year old has to go to high school next year, it's more than a mile away and she won't want to be the only one to be walked to school by mummy, they need a bit of freedom.

it's odd that people think a 12 year old can't be left in the house alone, yet there are 2 year olds in nappies playing in the streets without adult supervision and it seems to be the norm for kids of 6 and 7 to be out, i'm considered overprotective for not letting mine walk the streets all hours. is the home a lot more dangerous than the gutter?

Mado

The irony as well is that there are plenty of girls under 16 (about 8200 last year!!!) who should not be allowed to babysitt who have their own babies...
Who's going to tell them off????

november

Mothers (or fathers) under the age of 16 are not allowed to live alone with their babies.

Spendless

november wrote:

Mothers (or fathers) under the age of 16 are not allowed to live alone with their babies.

Is that cos anyone under 16 isn't allowed to live alone-or not?

FWIW-My 14 and half year old neice babysat for us for the first time couple of weeks ago. We were in local pub 10 minutes away. Her mother (hubbys sister) was happy for her to do it and my next door neighbour was in and aware that neice was babysitting. We sent neice a text couple of times make sure everything was ok and were only out a couple of hours.

jellyhead

i used to babysit at 13, and not for family members. it was only for people living in my street though so i suppose i had the backup of my mum, and knew lots of people in the street if anything went wrong. nothing ever went wrong, i wasn't very strict though so the kids used to come downstairs and watch TV with me - ooops!

MyUserNamesTaken

I think many people on this thread have missed a key issue in all of this. We're not talking about a NT 12 year old boy. The OP's son has Asperger Syndrome - an autistic spectrum disorder.

You're going to hate me for saying this, but I think it's wrong to leave a child with Asperger Syndrome alone at such a young age. My 9 year old son is an Aspie and I can't see me being able to leave him home alone for quite a few years yet. You say your child is mature; be that as it may, but you've got to remember that he also has AS. If something were to go wrong, how would he cope? It may seem that all is fine and good when things go as they should, but you and I both know that Aspies have a great deal of trouble coping with unexpected changes, including sudden mishaps. You and I both know how Aspies need to follow rules and guidelines to help them know how to act. If those rules or guidelines are broken, it can lead to major behaviour problems in the child. How would your son deal with a stranger knocking on the door, considering the social interaction problems faced by Aspies? Aspies also take things literally - if someone knocked on the door saying they were from the water board (but was really a con man) and needed to do something or other, would your son let them in? I guess what I'm trying to say is that considering his AS, do you really think it's wise leaving him alone in the house for more then 5 minutes? After all, when something doesn't go as it should (and it will), he might not be able to cope with it.

Personally, I wouldn't do it, but that's just me.


EDIT: Re: the school bus driver and the escort's comments to him. How did you deal with this when he asked you about it? They are correct, by the way. If they decide to report you to social services, things could get very sticky for you, esp. in light of the fact that your son has AS. If you tell your son the truth (which is that it is illegal to leave him alone like that), it will put him in a bad situation of not knowing what to do. As said earlier, Aspies need rules to guide them. How will it look to him if you decide to carry on ignoring the law?

Incidentally, I assume you're getting DLA for your son? If so, which rate of care component are you getting?

You should contact NAS for advice, although I'm sure they'll tell you not to leave him alone like that.

Savvy_Sue

MyUserNamesTaken wrote:

I think many people on this thread have missed a key issue in all of this. We're not talking about a NT 12 year old boy. The OP's son has Asperger Syndrome - an autistic spectrum disorder.

You make some good points, spelled out more fully than I did, but I think it depends on the severity of the AS. In some ways they are safer than other children, as long as you have covered every possible "What if?" scenario! And then you have to do this without unduly alarming them, or they won't be left!

In fact the first time I left all 3 of mine for half an hour, I came back to find that I had left an unlit gas ring on! They hadn't noticed, all upstairs, but it led to a discussion of "What if the house blows up or catches fire while Mum is out!"

MyUserNamesTaken

Savvy_Sue wrote:

You make some good points, spelled out more fully than I did, but I think it depends on the severity of the AS. In some ways they are safer than other children, as long as you have covered every possible "What if?" scenario! And then you have to do this without unduly alarming them, or they won't be left!

In fact the first time I left all 3 of mine for half an hour, I came back to find that I had left an unlit gas ring on! They hadn't noticed, all upstairs, but it led to a discussion of "What if the house blows up or catches fire while Mum is out!"

That's the problem, though - you can't cover every "what if" possibility. Another thing to consider is that you can't really know how a child is going to react until they are in that situation, no matter what you say to them. For this reason, I disagree with you that AS kids are safer even though they stick to the rules you've laid down for them. Severity is important here, but I doubt the OP's son would be attending a special school if his AS didn't affect him much. My son is fairly bad, yet is in mainstream education.

jellyhead

my son's only 8 so i couldn't say what i'd do in this situation, but just wanted to say that aspergic kids don't always get DLA and it's not necessarily the severity of the austism that leads to special needs schooling - i know 2 boys with aspergers, both 7. neither get DLA, the one in mainstream is 'worse' than the one in special school - he goes to the special needs school because he's dyslexic. it's possible that the OP's son has very mild aspergers and it's not the aspergers in itself that led him to go to the special needs school. if he does get DLA though i'd wonder why, if he's okay to be left alone he shouldn't need DLA.

MyUserNamesTaken

jellyhead wrote:

my son's only 8 so i couldn't say what i'd do in this situation, but just wanted to say that aspergic kids don't always get DLA and it's not necessarily the severity of the austism that leads to special needs schooling - i know 2 boys with aspergers, both 7. neither get DLA, the one in mainstream is 'worse' than the one in special school - he goes to the special needs school because he's dyslexic. it's possible that the OP's son has very mild aspergers and it's not the aspergers in itself that led him to go to the special needs school. if he does get DLA though i'd wonder why, if he's okay to be left alone he shouldn't need DLA.

That's why I asked about DLA - if the OP is receiving DLA, then the child should definitely not be left alone.

Either way, I'm fairly certain that the OP would get into heaps of trouble with Social Services should the school bus driver and escort decide to report her. If anything does go wrong whilst the child is left alone, it could cause him unnecessary suffering. Either way, it's not worth the risk.