Blended family, who gets the small bedroom?

Red-Squirrel_2

Marker wrote: »

What is the situation with your children's mother? Is the house they live in the rest of the week shared by a new partners children?

I ask as I wouldn't want your children to have the short end of the stick in both homes because they are not at either "full time".

You have your children for pretty much half the week, so they are as entitled as the other kids to feel that it's their home too rather than part time visitors.

Was just going to post this exact thing. Would be horrible for your kids to feel that neither of their homes were really theirs, that they were just visitors in both.

I think drawing straws is probably the fairest and best way, and the gym stuff can go in your own bedroom.

bigheadxx

nimbo wrote: »

Going to be really harsh. Sorry. Been a long day and I probably need chocolate.

You’ve posted what you want e.g your son to have the bigger bedroom and to have your Gym in there. Personally I feel it’s unhealthy for any teenager to have a gym in their bedroom. (My sister was anorexic and has struggled with body dysmorphia. Bathroom scales were banned in my house).

I also feel you want people to agree with your perspective. I personally feel it’s more likely a younger child will have actual toys take up space - rather than electronic gadgets. The child there full time should have the larger space.

Also your gym equipment should go in the garage. Or a shed. Not be stored in any of the children’s bedrooms - having to share their room will whoever lives in it feel marginalised - more so that square footage. I personally get the sense you’re seeking justifications for reasons relating to your gym. But hey I could be wrong.

Yes, you're wrong! Its not a professional gym, all the boys are into keep fit and exercise so it is for everyone,

Also, the younger kids have pretty much the same stuff in their rooms, tv and xbox and their is plenty of room downstairs for playing family games.

gettingtheresometime

bigheadxx wrote: »

Yes, you're wrong! Its not a professional gym, all the boys are into keep fit and exercise so it is for everyone,

Actually that strengthens nimbo's point really.


If you're planning on having the gym equipment in the bigger room so effectively everyone can use it, then that room isn't a private area is it?


Also what happens when someone wants to use the equipment but the occupant doesn't want any visitors?

svain

I really dont get the issue with a gym in a bedroom (assuming leaves plenty of space) .... Of course there will be compromises with people using the equipment if its in another bedroom, but there is no reason to give it a try.
To claim "body dysmorphia" as a reason not to is over dramatic and unnecessary.

Tabbytabitha

bigheadxx wrote: »

She doesn't want her kids to get the short straw but she gets where i am coming from as well. At the moment the kids don't see that much of each other and they not that close. We all had sunday lunch today and I said to my eldest to be a bit sensible about it but the subject didn't come up when we were all together.

We are going to arrange a sleepover next week so maybe I could get my son to bring the subject up with her eldest but I don't want them to entrench their positions which means one of them will be really upset because i still think a sweetener to her eldest will work. We haven't even bought the place yet!

bigheadxx wrote: »

Really? Is this the dark ages??? Why would most of his stuff be at his mums? I already said he spends half the week with me and I don't think that is a strong argument for him having a smaller room anyway.

But one home must be his main home, both in terms of who claims the child related benefits at present and which household will be assessed for university funding in a couple if years, if he goes.
Nothing to do with living in the Dark Ages.

Marker_2

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

But one home must be his main home, both in terms of who claims the child related benefits at present and which household will be assessed for university funding in a couple if years, if he goes.
Nothing to do with living in the Dark Ages.

The finance element is completely separate. Both children may spend 3/4 school days at their mums and the remainder at the dads which will included the period of time where they have free time.


Regardless, there is pretty much an even split on days the kids spend at each, who gets the child benefit is irrelevant here.

ska_lover

bigheadxx wrote: »

My eldest uses the gym stuff as well and so it makes sense for it to be in his room and he is quite happy for me to use it. At the moment I have a loft room where the gym stuff is but we won't have the luxury of a spare room if there is 6 of us. I think my eldest would feel more marginalised if he had the smaller room and I want them to know that it is "home" and not just "staying" at dads.

My girlfriends eldest is who i considered sweetening the deal for, maybe a big TV/gaming chair?

It marginalises your son far more, to remove the privilege of him having a private room. Your son will be 'dossing down'' in a common room of the house..
Have you ever tried to sleep, or study with someone banging weights about in the room?

The idea of sweetening the deal let's call it what it is manipulation of a younger child - GF son so you can force preferential treatment for your own son.

You don't teach children that if you throw money at problems people bow down to what you want...that is how to raise godawful adults who expect the world to owe them a living

If you push this, you will create a THEM and US situation - as it sounds like the kids do not get on that well, already

sheramber

I don't think the gym equipment should be in anybody's bedroom unless it is your own.

Will your son be happy with younger boys coming in to HIS bedroom when he is not there?

I can foresee problems with ' he touched this or moved that , or broke this' when I wasnl' here.

What happens when whoever has that bedroom wants quiet to do homework or wants some peace and quiet - or just some privacy- a house with 6 people in it is going to be a busy household.

Spendless

svain wrote: »

I really dont get the issue with a gym in a bedroom (assuming leaves plenty of space) .... Of course there will be compromises with people using the equipment if its in another bedroom, but there is no reason to give it a try.
To claim "body dysmorphia" as a reason not to is over dramatic and unnecessary.

There's nothing wrong with bedroom in a gym, if it's in your own room! In this case the OP has described it as 'my' weightlifting equipment and since he's likely to be the one who paid for it, it's his gear, even if he does let the 2 boys use it. It should be in his own room, not someone elses!

Kim_kim

The OP has said several posts ago he is going to put a stud wall up in the big bedroom and create a windowless lobby to be used as a gym.
The big bedroom will end up the same size as the other bedrooms & everyone has a gym the can use & every child has a private bedroom - perfect. Why are you all still arguing!!