Blended family, who gets the small bedroom?

maman

I keep getting the feeling that you're posting for reassurance that what you want (compared with your GF) is right.


I don't like the idea of sharing rooms unless the children want it (some do).


I think giving the biggest rooms to GF's children because they're there more may seem logical but it's not your children's 'fault' that they aren't with you more.


I think your solution (biggest room to your eldest) is probably best as otherwise her by ends up having his room cluttered up with your stuff and presumably you when you're using it.


I'd sell it to the younger boy in that he'll have his space and privacy more if he doesn't have to share with your stuff.


Personally I wouldn't buy him off with a tv or a gaming chair but that's your choice (wouldn't the others all want one then?).

bigheadxx

warby68 wrote: »

. Also won't half or most of his stuff be at his mum's anyway?

Really? Is this the dark ages??? Why would most of his stuff be at his mums? I already said he spends half the week with me and I don't think that is a strong argument for him having a smaller room anyway.

bigheadxx

I think splitting the larger room may be the best solution. I can have a gym without a window or spend a bit more and have two bedrooms and put two new windows in if that is possible. The boys are all into fitness and sport so a gym room would be acceptable to everyone and all the rooms would be about the same size.

Spendless

Mojisola wrote: »

This is how we would tackle it - but make sure all the facts are in the open.

If the OP had put in the first post that he was going to be using the biggest bedroom as a gym and storage place, I would have said that his son should share that room with his Dad's stuff as he won't be living there full-time and his GF's son shouldn't have the hassle of his Mum's live-in BF regularly coming into his room.

He did! From the first post.

bigheadxx wrote: »

So my girlfriend and I have decided to live together. She has 2 boys, 10 and 12, I have 2 boys, 12 and 16. We have all been to see a 5 bed house which we all like and is big enough and affordable. However, two of the rooms are quite a bit smaller than the other two. The other room my youngest dibsed straight away and nobody else laid claim. Its the loft room which I thought nobody would want but he does so thats one problem solved. The master bedroom we will have.

Her youngest will have the small room which just leave the two eldest, hers aged 12 and mine aged 16, they both want the bigger room. From my girlfriends pov, my son will only be there 3 or 4 times a week whereas hers are there 6 days a week. Also he is older, out more etc, all which I can see. However my pov is that I don't want him to feel marginalised and left out when we move, the boys are fairly settled in our current how and spend half the week with me.

I know whoever doesn't get the big room will be disappointed but Im going to put all my weightlifting stuff in the bedroom and use the wardrobes for storage as well. My two are used to having a big room each at mine and I think the eldest should have the bigger room for at least as long as he actually lives at home.

It's why I put what I did, because I agree. Someone who has a bedroom on a 'full-time' basis shouldn't have to share their space with someone else's belongings.

POPPYOSCAR

I am also of the opinion that the children living there full time should have the bigger rooms.

ska_lover

Having the larger bedrooms potentially stood empty for half the week, makes no sense whatsoever


Permanent residents have the bigger rooms

Marker_2

What is the situation with your children's mother? Is the house they live in the rest of the week shared by a new partners children?

I ask as I wouldn't want your children to have the short end of the stick in both homes because they are not at either "full time".

You have your children for pretty much half the week, so they are as entitled as the other kids to feel that it's their home too rather than part time visitors.

nimbo

Going to be really harsh. Sorry. Been a long day and I probably need chocolate.

You’ve posted what you want e.g your son to have the bigger bedroom and to have your Gym in there. Personally I feel it’s unhealthy for any teenager to have a gym in their bedroom. (My sister was anorexic and has struggled with body dysmorphia. Bathroom scales were banned in my house).

I also feel you want people to agree with your perspective. I personally feel it’s more likely a younger child will have actual toys take up space - rather than electronic gadgets. The child there full time should have the larger space.

Also your gym equipment should go in the garage. Or a shed. Not be stored in any of the children’s bedrooms - having to share their room will whoever lives in it feel marginalised - more so that square footage. I personally get the sense you’re seeking justifications for reasons relating to your gym. But hey I could be wrong.

annandale

You haven't even put in an offer far less had it accepted and you are debating over who gets what room?

However assuming that you do get the house, her son should get the bigger room. No question. It's going to be his home 6 days of the week as opposed to 3/4 for your son.

You seem to want your son to get the bigger room. I don't think that's fair. At all.

warby68

bigheadxx wrote: »

Really? Is this the dark ages??? Why would most of his stuff be at his mums? I already said he spends half the week with me and I don't think that is a strong argument for him having a smaller room anyway.

No, simply on proportions of time, nothing else lol - surely he doesn't have double of absolutely everything? And compared to the children who will be there more or less full time.

Having reread and seen how interested you are in splitting the room rather than your son having a big room, I think the stronger motivation is your gym and I can see why, he won't be there all the time and he's your son so sharing space might be more comfortable than with her son. That said, I think its much worse in terms of feeling like a spare part, if some of your room is taken over for dad's hobby and storage, than a small but 'all yours' room would be.

Don't be surprised if other family members feel that that your gym stuff should be elsewhere. Ours is in a section of the garage, originally converted for music. Even the users of it don't want it in the house