Blended family, who gets the small bedroom?

Coconut01

I'd say the bigger rooms should go to the children that are living there most of the time, unless they are happy to have one of the smaller rooms.
I also don't think you should be using one of the other bedrooms to keep your stuff in.

gettingtheresometime

Given that there is this issue & the fact it doesn't seem big enough to accommodate everyone's needs.....is this the right house ?

AndyBSG

BorisThomson wrote: »

The children that live there full time should have the larger rooms. If they all live there full time then you allocate the rooms in age order.

Your son needs to be told that he has no right to "dibs" a room. The adults make the decisions, not the 12 year old!

This.

Those living there 'full time' would get priority based on age, followed by those living there part time, also based on age.

When I went to Uni there was no question that I would have to give up my double bedroom for the box room and my sister would take over my old room even though with weekends and holidays I was probably still 'at home' 50% of the year.

warby68

Firstly, 4 children are very lucky to get a room each so no need to go overboard with senses of entitlement and bribes.

Certainly the children living there pretty much full time should have the larger rooms unless they don't want them - they will have the most stuff in one place as well.

Sorry but your older boy seems the bottom candidate for a big room as he will be staying the least and also out and about more. Also won't half or most of his stuff be at his mum's anyway?

You clearly feel quite strongly that he should have it but it seems more like you want it that way and are trying to build a case. Also you'd very clearly rather 'your' child got their pick over 'her' child - that might not go down too well. You should probably move away from whether its your or her child that gets the pick and work more practically as if you are one unit. In most cases, someone there relatively little would get (and need) less space than someone there more. In the same way that the minute the oldest goes off to uni , the youngest claims their room - seen this many times.

trailingspouse

This could well set the scene for future family decisions.

You need to involve the boys, sit yourselves down (around the table - makes it more 'important' and formal), and discuss it properly. Do some brain storming (you can come up with some daft ideas to get the ball rolling - Bobby in that room, Billy in this room, and little Jimmy in a tent in the garden...), explain what the problems are and that in an ideal world you would give them all the same size room but you can't. Treat them as sensible young adults, and ask for their help in solving this problem so that it's as fair as it possible can be.

Make sure everyone gets a say - the boys, your girlfriend, you - without getting shot down in flames.

You might be surprised at the result.

Mojisola

Spendless wrote: »

Are the two boys that want the larger room aware that you also intend putting your weightlifting stuff in there and also using it for your storage

trailingspouse wrote: »

This could well set the scene for future family decisions.

You need to involve the boys, sit yourselves down (around the table - makes it more 'important' and formal), and discuss it properly. Do some brain storming (you can come up with some daft ideas to get the ball rolling - Bobby in that room, Billy in this room, and little Jimmy in a tent in the garden...), explain what the problems are and that in an ideal world you would give them all the same size room but you can't. Treat them as sensible young adults, and ask for their help in solving this problem so that it's as fair as it possible can be.

Make sure everyone gets a say - the boys, your girlfriend, you - without getting shot down in flames.

This is how we would tackle it - but make sure all the facts are in the open.

If the OP had put in the first post that he was going to be using the biggest bedroom as a gym and storage place, I would have said that his son should share that room with his Dad's stuff as he won't be living there full-time and his GF's son shouldn't have the hassle of his Mum's live-in BF regularly coming into his room.

LilElvis

Why create a drama at this stage - potentially over a situation which will not happen? You've seen a house - you haven't bought it. Sort out the living arrangements when you've exchanged contracts, not when it is must a possibility.

unholyangel

What about 2 having a small room each and the other 2 sharing one of the bigger rooms and then having the other big room as a gaming/entertainment/communal area for them? Maybe with a sofabed for sleepovers.

If not, I'd suggest perhaps swapping the rooms around every so often or doing random draws as others suggested to keep it fair.

TBagpuss

I don't think that there is a single right answer. I would however suggest:

-If the house is the primary home for one child and the second home for another, give priority to the child whose primary home it is. IF that changes (i.e. if the child who spend more time elsewhere start s to live with you more, you can always rearrange things)

- think about what each child actually needs. What are their main hobbies and interest. In general, younger children often have things which take up more space, so while there is an appeal to saying 'base it on age', if the 12 years old is really in to lego and the 16 year old mostly prefers online gaming, it may make more sense to give the room with more floor space to the younger child. On the other hand, if the younger child is a bookworm and the older one into something which requires a lot of equipment, the opposite may work better.

- It doesn't have to be forever. Once you move in, they may all find that different rooms are more / less appealing.

- Talk to them. Ask about practical reasons they each want the different rooms, and think about how those issues can be addressed. For instance, if they are concerned about lack of storage space, you could chose to allocate extra space elsewhere in the house.

I personally would be clear with them all that you and your partner will listen to, and take into account, their views, but that ultimately you as the adults will make the decision. I would also avoid offering 'sweeteners' as bribes to accept a less popular room. I don't think it's very helpful to set up a scenario where the narrative is that child was hard done by so got a TV to make up for it - healthier to have a discussion about why it is reasonable to allocate the rooms in the way you decide and not create a situation where you are endorsing the idea that someone has drawn the short straw.

gingercordial

Or you could mix the whole thing up.

From your post I think the bedrooms are:

1. Big loft room
2. Big main floor room
3. Small bedroom
4. Smallest bedroom
(5. Master bedroom but you are having this)

- Very smallest bedroom (4) becomes the gym/games room.
- Eldest goes in the attic (1) because teenage boys are best kept away from polite society and he may "need his privacy" :rotfl:
- Either the two 12-year-olds share the biggest room (2) or the 10- and 12-year-old brothers share it, depending on which pair get along best.
- The other child gets the last room which should be the second-smallest (3).