LonelyRat's (not so lonely) Road to Riches

Lucifa73

Addressing you health and helping your friend is TWO good things already. I tell ya - the Universe knows what its about... :rotfl:

If you want to keep in touch you could make the gym your social time with your friend. That way you keep a buddy and have a motivation to go work out...

If I was in your area I would come work out with you - I LOVE the gym

Silver_Queen

Glad you're sounding a bit more upbeat! I need to start following you again as I've been a little bit AWOL the last week and have gained weight again!!

lonelyrat

I am feeling more upbeat. I'm still quite nervy/ stressed but it isn't the end of the world. There are more important things than a job I dislike anyway. Just got to make it through the hearing (which they've now confirmed is a week today) then keep my head down for the next year.

Lucifa she doesn't stay in town unfortunately and she told me there's a gym opening near her which is cheaper (as she'll lose the work discount when she leaves). She said she may stay at the one we joined for a wee bit but not very long. I honestly can't wrap my head around loving the gym!!! The concept is baffling to me :rotfl: maybe I'll get there one day and we can be virtual gym buddies haha!

Absolutely roasting here the last two days Yesterday after work OH's sister and niece came over and we had a barbecue with OH's parents as well. Was really nice... Resisted temptation despite OH sister bring a bottle of gin and quizzing me on why I'm not drinking. Also got some funny looks as I pre portioned my barbecue food after weighing it I'm nothing if not thorough...

14,052 steps yesterday and 11,342 today. OH has agreed to get up early tomorrow and come on a big walk with me so am happy with him :cool:

Off work for 3 days as of tomorrow so feeling very content at the moment. Also got 4 days off next week which I'm looking forward to. Is OH's birthday and I nipped into a few shops after work to pick up some bits. Mostly got his stuff sorted but I wanted a few little presents as well. Got some wrapping paper from Paperchase, not the cheapest but I did get 15% off. Going to do some wrapping tonight

I have kind of mucked up one of his gifts though... He loves planes so I got a poster copy of a blueprint of one of the first planes. I got it for about £1 but it isn't due to be delivered until mid July :rotfl: Am considering potentially just hiding it away and using it at Christmas :cool:

Tomorrow
1. Walk with OH
2. Laundry (wash and peg)
3. Hoover
4. Check in on diaries
5. Find Kindle, charge Kindle, put books on Kindle
6. Organise chest of drawers (is a mess of bedding at the moment)
7. Check in with my dad, gran and friend

Also want to rejig the spreadsheet a wee bit. OH still not properly started looking for jobs so think my pay will need to support us longer than I hoped. Checked with Virgin and the card is interest free until Feb 2020 so if need be I don't need to attack that full force straight away. Will be clearing the Santander card in full by next month then the only thing left is Virgin. So, will just need to decide how best to go about it.

71 days (maybe?)

onedaysomeday

Excellent news on just having the Virgin CC soon! Big well done

I have a mixed relationship with the gym, once I force myself to go a few times I do fall in love with it again, it's just getting myself to go enough times to form the habit again! :cool:

So jealous of the nice weather, been really grey and gloomy here. BBQ sounds great and well done on the not drinking alcohol! So easy to cave when the weather is nice and warm!

redofromstart

HI Lonely Rat, sorry about the work stress thing.

Some suggestions from an operational HR person.

1. Take a companion who is willing to take full notes for you! The notes that HR take are usually not verbatim, and inappropriate wording is sometimes subtly altered for the notes. I've dealt with a few appeals about that. It also helps when you are overwhelmed with emotion and you blank out what was said. They can also remind you of any points that you wanted to raise (do you feel you had had sufficient training? Was your workload heavier than usual that day? Is it any easy mistake to make? Have you made similar mistakes before? What would you do differently going forward?)
2. Sorry but HR are not really neutral. Our job is generally to protect the company, not the manager or the employee - so I will advise the manager against doing anything illegal, but I might not point out an option in your hearing that isn't particularly in the companies interests. My job is to make sure processes are followed and that outcomes are consistent. Some policies don't allow HR to speak during hearings other than on points of process, so even if I can see that a simple question might help get to the truth, I'm not allowed to ask it. Its not a court of law either, it works on balance of belief.
3. The point of the process should be to get to the bottom of what happened and why. Did you do x maliciously, knowingly or accidentally? Should you have known it was wrong? Did you have sufficient training and supervision? Where you under unusual pressure that day (unusual call volumes for example, or personal health)? Do you understand what you did, why it happened and can reasonable steps be taken to prevent it from happening again? What has the business done to others who have done something similar? Make some notes for yourself that cover those points and make sure they get covered. Gather any evidence - like call volumes that day - if it is appropriate. They should provide you with full details of their case and anything they intend to refer to ahead of the meeting, if they don't then ask for it. Make sure you have read it, and highlight anything important. Apologise - if appropriate. Don't worry about getting emotional but make sure you have some tissues. Ask for a break if you need it, sometime 5 minutes to calm down could make all the difference in the world, especially if you are getting angry.

For a dismissal they should be telling you in writing that 'its a very serious matter that might lead to your dismissal' at this stage.

Don't answer those points on here, but have a think about them as part of your prep. They will help if you do get to speak to a union rep. Do you know who the reps on the office are? Most of them will help verbally, even if they can't actually represent you.

Hope this helps, I don't usually do the HR stuff on here as it inevitably brings out the barroom lawyers but wanted to try and help.

lonelyrat

Thank you so much redofromstart, I really appreciate you taking the time to help. I can't quite put into the right words how grateful I am for your input (and everyone's kind words!)

You've made some brilliant points and I think it will definitely help to focus me. I knew I wanted to make some notes ahead of the hearing to make sure I addressed everything but was unsure about where to start really. I'm going to sit down tomorrow with the pack they've given me (and your notes!) and read through everything thoroughly. I already skimmed the pack but have been trying to switch off from it a little bit and enjoy my few days off.

Good news is that it didn't say that there could be a dismissal It gives three outcomes and the worst is the disciplinary warning on my file for 12 months. I am quite confident that it doesn't really matter what I say as I think they've already decided on that outcome BUT I will still try my best to get my perspective across.

I am feeling OK about it all still. If I think about it properly I start to get a bit anxious but am trying to squash that feeling for the moment.

Seems quite grey here but am hopeful it clears up. Walk with OH yesterday was lovely but he was a bit of a grouch when I tried to wake him up so we didn't end up going until half ten and it was far too warm. Am thinking I'll try and wake him up about 9 today and hope he doesn't get annoyed

The walk we took was one he used to go on every day when he was dieting/ exercising before we met so was nice for him to show me. We did cut it a bit short as his feet were sore and we were both a bit pooped, but today we'll do the whole thing. We live in such a hilly area so it makes it hard as no matter which direction you go you're going to be tackling about 9 hills :rotfl: It's horrible at the time but I guess it'll be helpful in the long run in terms of fitness.

OH's sister made a comment yesterday about how I look like I've lost weight which made me very happy. I don't see it yet, but will just keep at it. Am feeling quietly optimistic that this time next year I will be happily where I want to be with my health and with my finances

From yesterdays To Do list I only managed the steps (14,620), the laundry and the spreadsheet. Not the most productive day, but it was a nice day all the same. Was lovely and sunny so sunbathed and read my book in the garden in the afternoon and am hoping can do the same again. Somehow (how?!) there is more laundry that needs doing, it's genuinely never ending. Will put a load on quickly now then peg out before we leave.

Feeling happy with my spreadsheet and our finances. If OH doesn't get a job soon it will be tight and will slow down the payments to the Virgin card, but won't affect the Santander one and shouldn't stretch us too thin. Santander interest free period ends in September but will definitely have it cleared next month. My season ticket for my train that I got through work runs out next month so have decided not to renew it again with them. Will instead go back to using the Santander card to buy it monthly and get the 3% cashback on it.

I always find that rejigging/ fiddling with my spreadsheet clears my mind a bit and makes me happy

69 days (hopefully)

Scott-Weiland

I hope this helps re your work, I don't know the background of what is going on re yourself etc but if its okay I will tell you how it works where I work. I work for a big high street bank (I am not saying who lol) Most large companies have similar processes.


With us there are two ways disciplinary hearings work you either get taken down a disciplinary hearing on a behavioural/performance related basis or a capability basis.

Behavioural would be if say I was swearing at customers, or coming in late all the time, not adhering to dress code, or swearing at collegues, sexism, homophobia etc


Capability would be if say there was issues mainly with my attendance, failing compliance ie data protection, not adhering to anti fraud measures etc

Most employers have 3 stages its usually


A plan first ie a performance improvement plan, where discusssions are had actions are put in place, the plan would be for 6-12 months, and regular reviews are set monthly, the plan would have sanctions ie not being off sick more than a set amount as an example.


Stage 2 would be a first written warning, where a pip is put in to go along side.

Stage 3 would be implemented if a plan is broken in stage 2. This is in my place is whats called the final written warning Another pip would be put in if this is failed then the employer can terminate your contract.


Where I work stage 2 equals 1 quarter of bonus cut, stage 3 results in 6months of bonus cut. Both stage 2 and 3 stay on file for 12 months.


re unions I don't know what industry you work in but try the gmb or perhaps unite I am a member of the gmb and they were great when I had an issue last year. The only thing is if your not a member of a union now if you join them now a lot will not represent you in the meetings, even if you were able to delay your meeting they wont usually represent you in the meeting until you have being a member 3 months. They will give you advice over the phone though normally but you may have to pay 1-2 months upfront.

My next question is do you not have an occupational health team at work, we do through axa and they can provide legal advice and occupational advice re discilpinaries and legal processes?


I hope this helps, sorry to waffle.


Well done on the gym front I hear you when you say and other posters say you find gyms hard. I am a bloke and even at times I find gyms a pain and I know through training with my oh they can be intimidating. This in my time is down to badly trained idiots, or Instagram wannabes, or personal trainers that do not have a clue, or people getting false and bad information off the internet.

My advice shop around try different gyms, I did many years ago train at a life style fitness gym and packed it in as I was sick of walking in the gym and it was stinking of ammonia. And personal trainers letched on women more than helping clients, I left after I asked if I could borrow a set of bodyfat scales and I was told I would have to pay 40quid for a pt session to use those. yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee no lol

I have trained for years and at time I wish we had what gyms have in America ie lunk alarms have a look on youtube. It would stop blokes who love themselves, or blokes who grunt like idiots, or blokes who letch on women in inappropriate ways.. My advice take an ipod a bottle of water and ignore everyone lol

Sorry for the huge post

Scott-Weiland

Hi how are you getting on how did everything go???

lonelyrat

Thank you for all the info Scott! Definitely don't worry about the long post... I am the queen of lengthy posts!

I work for a bank too and it's quite similar I think with the stages but we seem a wee bit harsher with the cutting of the bonus as it's for the full time the disciplinary warning is active. I do accept it though, I have made a mistake and there needs to be consequences. I will just keep my head down and try not to let the actual job stress me too much. Before I was finding everything so difficult with the really tight targets, but I'm going to relax a little bit and try and distance myself from it.

The hearing is tomorrow and I'm trying to stop myself feeling too nervous. To be honest I think they've already made a decision so doesn't really matter what I say as long as I don't make it worse somehow. I'm off today so am going to have a lovely day and then spend the evening sorting all my notes. I'm not going to let myself properly think about it until 7pm. Then I'm allowed an hours panic then I'm going to shut it off again.

Think the meds are definitely helping as I would have been a complete mess before. I actually feel relatively calm, I just want it over. I wish I could just walk in and say "yes, I accept the disciplinary action" and that it be over :rotfl:

It's at 9.30 tomorrow so at least it's early... It would be hard to concentrate otherwise.

Am very sorry again for the lack of posts. I think having a wee bit of time away really got me out the habit of posting. Also I think I'm feeling a bit of a fraud moneysaving wise I'm thoroughly in the HSBC Overdraft now which feels crummy. It will be OK as I get paid next week and it will be paid off but it will leave me short on spending/ living money so will potentially be in it again next month. It's cheap as overdrafts go - doesn't cost more than a pound or two - but I still want to be free of it. Definitely need to get out of the "spending makes me feel better" camp.

OH still not properly looked for jobs yet. Am hoping he starts in the next few days. He's found a couple short term options but not actually applied yet. Fingers crossed that happens this week! Have not booked a holiday yet but once he does sort a job I'll look into it. Have been teasing myself for a few days but am NOT doing it until we know he has an income.

In good news he got his results back and has passed everything and is officially going to graduate at the end of the month am very, very proud of him.

Have managed my steps every day and OH has been joining me which has been nice. He grumbles every time, but it's nice having him with me. We're going to Strathclyde park again today to do a big walk which I'm looking forward to. Weather is crummy/ rainy but will still be nice. Just need to wake him up and hope he doesn't bite my head off!

Will probably not be on again later but will come back tomorrow and update with the work situation. Will also check in on everyone's diaries as am definitely getting out of touch

Scott-Weiland

Good luck Lonelyrat if you need someone to chat with drop me a pm, I work for a well known bank too so I know what its like. I am hear if you need to chat even if its just to rant about who you work for, if your in Scotland I can probably guess lol

I have had warnings before as I have struggled in the past severely with mental health issues, banks are a nightmare to work for. No compassion, no employee fair treatment or respect.

I work in the call centre network, colleagues of mine coined the expression TELEMONKEY basically because managers don't give a flying well you know what, all they care about is figures and figures and figures. Your just a number thats all,

I can remember two years ago a colleague of mine getting dragged into the office and given a file note for going nuts over his Team Leader wanting him to take holiday for his granmothers funeral. He wouldn't grant compassionate leave for the advisor so he went nuts, my team mate only wanted one day off. In the end my collegue had to go via our floor manager/union and threatened to pack in his job and post stuff all over social media. His Tl recinded but jaysus it was a chow on for him.


gerrrrrrrrrrrr it boils my pish lol