LonelyRat's (not so lonely) Road to Riches

onedaysomeday

Really hope you're okay xx

Lucifa73

How are you? Not like you not to post for a week so getting kinda worried... Please come talk to us.

onedaysomeday

Please check in with us soon & let us know you are okay xx

lonelyrat

Hello everyone. Very, very, very sorry for the radio silence. Been in a pretty dark place with this whole work debacle. Good news is it doesn’t look like I’m getting the sack (hopefully). Worst case scenario - which will be the case I think - is a 12 month disciplinary warning on my file which stops bonus/ getting a good reference.

Thank you so much for all checking in with me. I really appreciate it

I need to have a disciplinary hearing at some point. I was hoping for it sooner rather than later but they’re dragging their heels with it. They will need to give me 7 days notice so doesn’t look like it will be next week. I’ve scoured the people policies and our employee handbook and it doesn’t seem like they can escalate it and fire me but who knows. I don’t have what stage of hearing it is in writing from them yet so am worried they’re going to change their mind and up it.

Joined the Union but they can’t help until you’ve been a member for 3 months which is fair. I am going to call them when I get my invitation to the hearing and ask some questions, which is something they say you can do provided you make a payment to them.

Am feeling OK about it all at the moment, not great but definitely not as bad as I was.

Was feeling really upset and couldn’t stop crying/catastrophising about it. I’ve never messed up in a job before so it’s all new and stressful. I think I was feeling quite emotional because OH and I had made plans to move in September-ish down to live with my Dad in England but now that won’t be happening. It’s a frustration as I really dislike my job but I can put up with it for 12 more months I guess (better than being unemployed!)

I am still concerned that they will find a way to sack me, but am hopefully that that’s just me spiralling.

On a positive note it’s given me the kick up the butt to go to the doctor to discuss my mental health. Again, I may have cried like a baby (eugh) but I’ve got some medication to take and he discussed CBT with me which I’m going to try and sort. He told me to go on the NHS website though and whenever I do it re-directs me to the Scottish version which doesn’t have any info so am slightly confused Am going back in 2 weeks or so to discuss how I’m getting on so will mention it to him then. Feeling pretty bleugh with the meds, nauseous and can’t really eat - but maybe that’s a good thing!?!

Have mostly been keeping up with my steps. Managed 10,000+ every day apart from Monday and Tuesday. Lost 1 kg last week and am heading in to weigh myself later today. Don’t think there will be a loss this week as before I started the meds there was a fair bit of comfort eating.

There has also been comfort spending (which I am not proud of) to the tune of £85 Feeling quite ashamed and also a little worried about it as still got 16 days until payday. Usually OH would get his student finance on the 4th or 5th but now he’s finished that’s stopped so just need to wait until payday. Will potentially need to use the overdraft more which I am not happy about but it can’t be helped at this point. We do have food in so just need to stop frittering on silly things. Will be spending £10 today on two tickets to a charity football match thing that’s happening later today but after that the purse is getting put away.

On that note I may need to push my debt free date back another month as I will need to cover the overdraft out of this months pay. We shall see... Seems still doable at the moment but I don't want to be so skint all the time. Debt still interest free so may re-evaluate once the Santander card is paid. I am frustrated with myself for the spending but there isn’t much that can be done about it rather than identify that I’ve made a mess and try and sort it when I get paid.

OH going to look for jobs next week which makes me happy. I think a lot of the dark thoughts/ panic I was thinking/ feeling was that I am the only one who’s bring in money now Uni has stopped. It was quite stressful thinking I was getting fired and we would have no income. If he gets a job then I can relax a little bit. Fingers crossed they aren’t sacking me anyway, but just worst case scenario.

More good news is that I am still alcohol free. I can’t actually believe it… 41 days and no booze. Feeling very proud of myself for it and didn’t think it would be possible. If this work thing had happened last year, or even a few months ago, I would have been drinking a lot (A LOT) of wine but I haven’t actually even wanted to which is nice. My Dad always said it takes 21 days to form a habit and I guess it must be true because not drinking is now a bit of a habit for me I think.

Going to the gym is not a habit unfortunately Just went that first week and haven’t been back this week. Friend from work who I was going with has been off sick and now it’s closed for a refurb. Will start up again when they open it back up. Got an email from them saying “don’t worry you can still work out in our other locations”... I was like, nah you’re ok thanks :rotfl:

In not very MSE news have decided to go on Holiday in September. Not entirely sure where yet, either Tel Aviv or Dubrovnik I think. Have not booked anything yet but will when OH has found a job. Have decided that I want something to look forward to... The last holiday was a no go so I feel like we are due this. Will work it out budget wise once OH gets a job and see where we stand.

Sorry again for the disappearing act. Just wasn’t really feeling up to writing on here. I do appreciate everyone checking in with me and am very sorry if I caused anyone any worry Am heading into town to weigh myself soon but will try and come on later tonight to have a nosey around everyone’s diary. I feel very out of touch!

Have decided that if I’m stuck at my crummy job for another year then it’s going to be a year where I focus on being the best version of myself. Alcohol free and healthy, mentally and physically. I’ll also work at getting a healthy savings pot started for when OH and I do manage to get our bums in gear and move.

So to recap -

Negatives:
- May still get fired
- Bonus gone for at least a year (maybe 2 depending on when the warning goes active)
- Can’t leave or move department for a year
- In one of my overdrafts (grrr)

Positives:
- Have a roof over my head and OH parents / my dad would help if I did go through a period of unemployment.
- Am still getting healthier (although slowly)
- Took a step in the right direction re: my mental health
- OH will be getting a job soon hopefully
- Going on holiday in September
- A year in the same job will give me stability in hours/ income to continue to focus on my wellbeing and save consistently for when we do take the next step.

Chin up

75 days (maybe)

lonelyrat

I am totally shattered. Woke up at half 5 this morning when OH came to bed and couldn't get back to sleep. Am considering bed at half 8

Went into town in the morning and weighed myself. Lost 1.6kg surprisingly. Potentially the small amount of muscle I gained from my brief stint in the gym has turned into fat :rotfl: Almost lost 10kg though so feeling happy and hopeful I can keep going.

We didn't end up going to the charity event and instead got picnic food and went to Strathclyde Park which was nice. Sat on a beach reading my book while OH stuck stickers in his Wold Cup sticker album :cool: The sun disappeared after an hour or so, so we walked a lap of the loch and got caught in torrential rain/ thunder/ lighting. Was really lovely actually as was so hot and muggy and the rain was really refreshing.

Have done 16,019 steps today so feeling pleased. Probably spent £7.50 on picnic food so not much money-saving but it was nice all the same.

Work tomorrow and I am even less motivated than usual. Will try and psych myself up on the train tomorrow

lonelyrat

Work wasn't too bad today. Still don't have the date of the hearing but hoping I find out tomorrow.

Went for a walk with OH and the dog after work today so managed 11,566 steps. Felt a bit crummy last week when I didn't do it on Monday and Tuesday so am going to make extra sure I have a full week this week

Am pretty much set for OH's birthday. Going to walk through town and get some wrapping paper tomorrow but then that's me.

Going to hoover tomorrow and OH has agreed to re-organise his clothes while I'm at work as they're all a bit of a mess at the moment.

74 days

onedaysomeday

Welcome back lonelyrat! :hello::hello:

Sorry to hear you were in a dark place (just reminds me of Greys "i go all dark and twisty but then I come back") but glad you've put a more positive spin on things now and also been to the doctor

Hope work is okay today, and that you get the date for your hearing so at least you know when it is going to be - it's horrible not knowing!

Xx

Lucifa73

Hi LonelyRat.


Good to see you back. Hopefully the work thing will come good sooner rather than later.


Well done on keeping up with the good things despite your understandable worry. Should the worst happen just remember - sometimes the universe gives us an uncomfortable shove to get us out of a rut and onto a better path x


Keep posting and keep walking. The rest will come right in the end.

doingitanyway

Sending positive vibes for a positive outcome at your work meeting

lonelyrat

Haha Onedaysomeday was dark and twisty indeed but have come out the other side now (hopefully). At least I haven't been through everything the Doctors of Grey-Sloans have been through :rotfl:

Thanks Lucifa - I like the idea that it's the universe giving me a wee push. It's motivated me to go to the Doctor which is something. And also highlighted that I need to be able to disconnect from work more. I get too stressed and emotionally involved in everything that happens which isn't healthy.

Doingitanyway , thank you for the positive vibes. Am feeling positively positive this evening Still don't have a date for the hearing but doesn't matter really, it'll happen when it happens.

Friend from work has told me that she will be handing in her notice soon. I'm happy for her, because it isn't a great place to work, but sad at the same time as we've both been there the same amount of time. She said that the way I've been treated with this whole mess has given her the motivation to get out. So her getting the oomph to leave is at least one good thing that has come from it :rotfl: I will miss her though and will now need to brave the gym on my own :eek: Don't know if I'm feeling quite stable enough for that just yet.

12,735 steps today and now sitting in bed while OH sticks stickers in his album. Going to have a look at cheap flights to tease myself then go to sleep.

73 days