Starting over...

DebtFreeDuo

Good luck, I know what you mean about the biological clock but I have no hope!

ladymay

Thanks everyone. Yesterday culminated in lot of tears and a panic attack so I'm exhausted.

He wouldn't speak to me on the phone as agreed, it was all done on text - basically he said he just "wasn't feeling it" and that was that. He's promised me he'll be here on the 3rd Jan to help me move (and I can't afford an alternative), but in the two hours between me asking him to confirm and him replying "yes" I got so upset I ended up having the panic attack, which has made me feel like I've taken a massive step backwards; prior to last night I hadn't had a panic attack in four months.

I just don't understand it - we've known each other over 20 years and in the space of two months I've been downgraded from Best Friend to just another Ex Girlfriend. There's no way we can be friends after this, he's behaved like I don't exist as anything other than an annoyance.

I'm so lucky to have wonderful friends and I ended up calling one and having a good chat - she also happens to be an agent in entertainment and thinks I should have one final tour on cruise ships to save a load of money and have an easy life for a bit, but I don't know... Quite frankly, I don't know anything anymore! Ah what the hell, just sent an email to one of my old bosses to see if they need anyone in the new year...

All the list got done yesterday, new list today:

- PAD Already done, £150 on the CC which means the phone is paid off and then some :cool:
- NSD (unless I have the energy to go food shopping tonight)
- Banking
- Rest of invoices for this week
- Call the mothership
- Gig and head back to Cork
- Finish off Garda vetting form (Irish version of the police check) - annoying that I have to do this because I'm leaving!
- Couple of loads of washing
- Sort out set list for Crimbo tea party tomorrow

Wish me luck, folks! I hope everyone has a good day xx

wishingthemortgaheaway

This is the perfect time to do a cruise ship tour.
You could manage your social media for the new business and get some pre bookings in while you are away and be all set up and ready to go on your return to terra firma.

DebtFreeDuo

I'm so sorry the chat didn't go well, why the hell can't he be grown up about it? Talking only via text?! Sounds like you have had a lucky escape! I may be wrong and he may be wonderful but he really hasn't acted well in this at all has he? Take some time away from him and see if you can look at being friends again at a later date maybe.

It does sound like the perfect time to do the cruise, do you think you would enjoy it?

ladymay

- PAD Already done, £150 on the CC which means the phone is paid off and then some
- NSD (unless I have the energy to go food shopping tonight) Done - the NSD, not the shopping!
- Banking Done
- Rest of invoices for this week Done
- Call the mothership Done
- Gig and head back to Cork Done
- Finish off Garda vetting form (Irish version of the police check) - annoying that I have to do this because I'm leaving! Done
- Couple of loads of washing Almots done - last load is on now
- Sort out set list for Crimbo tea party tomorrow Done

Thanks DFD and WTMA - I've sent the email now so I'll see if my old boss gets back to me. Being on a cruise ships has both huge positives and huge negatives - I would save enough money to set up the business and find somewhere nice to live, I love travelling and I miss stage work so bloody much; the flip side is spending months on end with the same people in a confined space, living out of a suitcase and having limited contact with the outside world. At the moment I'm open to both staying in the UK for a bit and another cruise ship, so we'll see!

This whole scenario with Idiot Boy has just confused me so much, and the fact he's not willing to have a discussion about it is so incredibly frustrating... Thing is when I went through a rough time with the big break up, he was there for me as a best friend should be. During my therapy I also had to deal with some previous issues that I'd pushed to the back of my mind for too long, and I'd call IB drunk in the middle of the night and he was amazing to me. I think that's why I'm so upset - I don't see us ever getting that level of closeness back because I don't know how I can trust him...

Well, my jobs for the day are done - time to head for bed and hope for sleep!

ladymay

Before I pop to bed, I'll make my list for tomorrow:

- PAD (should be another big one)
- Low Spend Day (under €25 hopefully)
- Shopping
- Chase up final late payment
- Update finance spreadsheets
- Sort date for baby shower
- Email a few clients asking for testimonials
- Look at storage options again
- Social media posts
- Change IG to new business name
- Gig
- Quick workout

ladymay

- PAD (should be another big one) Done, £43.98 yesterday, £4.90 this morning
- Low Spend Day (under €25 hopefully) Done, £18.56 on the shopping :cool:
- Shopping Done
- Chase up final late payment Done, she 'forgot'
- Update finance spreadsheets Done
- Sort date for baby shower Done
- Email a few clients asking for testimonials Done
- Look at storage options again Done, still need to book it!
- Social media posts Done
- Change IG to new business name Done
- Gig Done, and it was lovely
- Quick workout Errm...

Yesterday was a real emotional rollercoaster. The gig was for a carer's association and more than once I had a lump in my throat about what these for their loved ones every day. It was also my last gig at a hotel who have been hugely supportive of my business. Then I came home and my flatmates informed me they'd found the perfect house and they were moving over the next week; a massive upside to this is they have to give a month's notice on this place so I'll have the place to myself for my last week which means I can get my boxes from storage and re-pack everything so it'll be easier sorted in the UK :j

It may well have been the couple of glasses of bubbly I had with the flatmates but last night was spent being very teary and feeling sorry for myself, despite getting excited about putting myself up for a couple of theatre jobs. I think Idiot Boy delayed the inevitable feeling of being a bit 'lost' and I can't tell if this malaise is temporary and situation-driven or if I'm suffering from a bit of depression. I have a sneaky feeling I'd fall apart for a while if I wasn't so busy...

Anyway, list for today:

- PAD Already done
- Low Spend Day - I'm meeting up with a friend for a cuppa and she bought the last one
- Find a video of me singing which I need for a role submission
- Update performance CV
- Send off submission
- Start sorting music for wedding next Friday
- Arrange when I can pick up boxes in storage
- Gig
- Event Management tonight

Right, busy day so I'm going to get started! Hope everyone is having a great weekend xx

DebtFreeDuo

I feel much like you at the moment and its ok to feel down for a little while, I think its important to grieve for things and allow yourself to truly process everything and then you are better prepared to move forward.

Good news on having the place to yourself for the last week, that's great timing for you!

UncannyScot

DebtFreeDuo wrote: »

I feel much like you at the moment and its ok to feel down for a little while, I think its important to grieve for things and allow yourself to truly process everything and then you are better prepared to move forward.

Good news on having the place to yourself for the last week, that's great timing for you!

Totally second that...
It is particularly hard at this time of year, I am still mourning for my previous relationship as well so I guess I kinda get what you're going through...
I'm another that tends to keep themselves busy in order to keep their mind off things...
Also a depression and anxiety survivor...
If ever you need an ear just pm me OK

You are a strong lass and you'll get through this but if you ever need some help please just ask
:A

Mumoffourkids

Hi, I've just spent today reading your diary. I love your to-do lists and this is something I need to get into the habit of doing.

Just subscribing so I can keep an eye on your to do lists and hopefully steal some ideas lol