can 'space' really help?

jimbo747

Agree with above. She's probably expecting you to be all home alone and miserable. Arrange a night out with the lads, a poker night, go to a footy match with kids or something. If she's on Facebook then post the obligatory picture showing how much fun you're having. Will probably prompt a text message.

If that fails, start planning to move on and get in first with the 'lets call it a day' phone call.

gonzo127

Well I have been out for a cuppa with one of my friends from work today. I have also organised to meet up with one of my friends a week on Friday (next Friday without my daughter) and going to contact another one of my friends to see if she wants to go ice skating on monday. so have already started to organise my life again

I have also chosen my line in the sand day today so I think im doing well

gonzo127

just a short update,

we exchanged a couple of messaged yesterday about the interview (she got the job) anyways, that didnt actually make me feel better as i expected, on top of this my daughter came home and told me one of the boys in her class had been hitting her on the arm all day and it was hurting, and then to cap it off had 'stabbed' her with the white board marker, like !!!!!!?!?!?!

so after all that i found it very difficult to sleep last night, finally fell asleep at about 1 ish. and woke up at 3:30 from a very 'angry' dream, was so worked up i didnt manage to get back to sleep oh well i guess it is Friday the 13th so hey what can you expect.

so i am struggling a little today as i am very tired, everything is feeling much worse than it is, but i have spoken to my daughter teacher about yesterday and i have got myself a free 3 day trial at a local gym so i have decided i am going to go next week and see if i can get into it and so join (only £20 a month on a rolling 30 day contract so not too bad),

kind of realised i have now organised something every day next week haha, ice skating Monday, gym Tuesday, daughter Wednesday, gym Thursday and then going out with a mate drinking on Friday oh and hung over Saturday im sure.

once again thanks to everyone who has posted, i have re-read all the comments multiple times just so i can keep myself grounded

Comms69

gonzo127 wrote: »

just a short update,

we exchanged a couple of messaged yesterday about the interview (she got the job) anyways, that didnt actually make me feel better as i expected, on top of this my daughter came home and told me one of the boys in her class had been hitting her on the arm all day and it was hurting, and then to cap it off had 'stabbed' her with the white board marker, like !!!!!!?!?!?!

so after all that i found it very difficult to sleep last night, finally fell asleep at about 1 ish. and woke up at 3:30 from a very 'angry' dream, was so worked up i didnt manage to get back to sleep oh well i guess it is Friday the 13th so hey what can you expect.

so i am struggling a little today as i am very tired, everything is feeling much worse than it is, but i have spoken to my daughter teacher about yesterday and i have got myself a free 3 day trial at a local gym so i have decided i am going to go next week and see if i can get into it and so join (only £20 a month on a rolling 30 day contract so not too bad),

kind of realised i have now organised something every day next week haha, ice skating Monday, gym Tuesday, daughter Wednesday, gym Thursday and then going out with a mate drinking on Friday oh and hung over Saturday im sure.

once again thanks to everyone who has posted, i have re-read all the comments multiple times just so i can keep myself grounded

I know it's clich!d but try not to reply straight away

seven-day-weekend

oystercatcher wrote: »

When I met my hubby I probably wasn't ready for a relationship after divorce and I was feeling very up and down and not sure about so many things. I was feeling very stressed with demands from children, home and work and sometimes a relationship seemed like just more 'work' to do !

One of the things that really helped was his determined "I'm not going anywhere, I'm not going to lose you" comments, he was totally prepared for me to work through everything while he waited and the fact that he wanted me whatever really boosted my self esteem when I wasn't feeling good about myself. We have been married for 13 years now.

So, if you value this relationship, I would suggest you do as asked and give space but try and make supportive, positive comments when you do have contact. Hopefully she will realise how much she is missing you, if not then there's probably not much else you can do.

I'm glad this worked for you, but actually was just going to say exactly the opposite.

I think the OP should say that he considers himself not in a relationship at the moment (tell her why, that the uncertainty is too hard to bear), but that he is always at the end of the phone to discuss things should she wish to talk about it at some point.

Having said that, I married the man I love when I was 21, I am now nearly 68 and am still married to him, so what do I know, probably am talking through my backside

bagpussbear

I just wanted to offer you a hug. I think you are handling this situation well at a time when you will be hurting.

The counselling will have brought up issues for her, and she may well be questioning who she is and what she wants out of life.

This could go one way or another, but at some point she has to talk to you. There are two of you in this relationship, and she needs to realise that at some point, its not all about what she wants and your patience will run out.

It's great you are seeing friends and keeping busy. If, sadly, your relationship ends, then you have friends to lean on.

In your shoes, I wouldn't actually send the next 'first' text.

I like the idea another poster on here said about maybe a photo on Facebook of you having a nice night out. It might give her a thought that she might lose you, which in this situation might not be a bad thing.

You sound a nice chap, and I hope this all works out for the best for you.

gonzo127

bagpussbear wrote: »

I just wanted to offer you a hug. I think you are handling this situation well at a time when you will be hurting.

The counselling will have brought up issues for her, and she may well be questioning who she is and what she wants out of life.

This could go one way or another, but at some point she has to talk to you. There are two of you in this relationship, and she needs to realise that at some point, its not all about what she wants and your patience will run out.

It's great you are seeing friends and keeping busy. If, sadly, your relationship ends, then you have friends to lean on.

In your shoes, I wouldn't actually send the next 'first' text.

I like the idea another poster on here said about maybe a photo on Facebook of you having a nice night out. It might give her a thought that she might lose you, which in this situation might not be a bad thing.

You sound a nice chap, and I hope this all works out for the best for you.

thanks.

I am trying. but you are right it hurts like hell. made worse by only having 2 hours sleep last night I'm sure Well that and a couple of big things have happened which I really want to tell her about. but can't. like rar!!!!!

such as the organisation I work for. and she works with (in a different organisation) has just told us that it is going to be having a massive reorganisation and will be merging with 2 others. so this will effect her new job. and that my daughter and step daughter (the daughter of my ex wife who as far as I am concerned is my daughter as well and who I see as often as I can since she is 20 lol) have both told me that my ex wife is looking to sell the matrimonial house. so I should get the money from my divorce to allow me to finally buy my own house instead of renting!

just wish my friends lived closer. my best friend is like 4 hours drive away, but she has been video calling me every day which has helped. all my other friends are from work and live between 30 mins to an hours drive away. so not easy to just pop over for a cuppa and a catch up.

overall I have to say I really do not have a good opinion of therapists and counsellors as first I went to the marriage counsellor and consequently my marriage ended within 6 months. now my girlfriend has been seeing a therapist and seems like my relationship will have ended in 6 months like !!!!!! is there something wrong with me?!?!

Primrose

It sounds as if there's a lot about to be happening in your own life going forward that will impact on you, quite apart from your romantic relationship.
However hard it is, I would keep this information to yourself although previously you would have naturally wanted to share it. Regard them as your focus points going forward so that you have other issues (including hopefully some positive ones) to look forward to. For the moment and in the current circumstances, they are YOUR issues now, not shared ones.


If your girlfriend/partner decides she wants to break up, these issues will play no part for her (although the job re-structuring might). However, if she has asked for no contact, being out of this information loop is part of the deal she currently wants and shouldn't be used as any kind of incentive to perhaps persuade her to stay in the relationship.

If there's this little bit of you which is self-protecting, that is all to the good and will help you move on more quickly if things finally break up between you. It's good you're keeping in daily touch with a friend. This will help anchor you too. We often neglect our friends when everything is going well for us so keeping these ties intact will also help you move forward without feeling totally in isolation.


It well be that your girlfriend has also heard rumours about the job changes. Whether she chooses to break silence and flag them up to you or not may also be an indication of how she may be feeling about any shared future.

tgroom57

and i decided i needed to just raise it so we could talk about what the problem was.

^^ this

From your description of your lovely weekend away, this isn't what I was expecting you to write next.
Can you stop asking - "Are we there yet ?"
- and instead just enjoy the journey? ie some pleasant time together.
I'm in a long distant relationship and for me once or twice a day (calling) is enough, but sometimes in the past that hasn't been enough for him.
Also, her treatments you mention in the first post would have been both unsettling and stressful at a biological level (especially chemo), so anything you can think of to improve how you both manage stress is a big help.
Good luck.

svain

tgroom57 wrote: »

^^ this

From your description of your lovely weekend away, this isn't what I was expecting you to write next.
Can you stop asking - "Are we there yet ?"
- and instead just enjoy the journey? ie some pleasant time together.
I'm in a long distant relationship and for me once or twice a day (calling) is enough, but sometimes in the past that hasn't been enough for him.
Also, her treatments you mention in the first post would have been both unsettling and stressful at a biological level (especially chemo), so anything you can think of to improve how you both manage stress is a big help.
Good luck.

You ring each other once or twice a day??? .... and he wants to speak more often than that?? :eek::eek: