Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally

daisy_1571

Hairy

I love my slow cooker. Pressure cooker also lovely. Make stews in either and brown off some pastry under grill and theres your steak pie. I dont do much in the oven. Oven chips, baking cakes mainly. Most things we eat are in pots on the top and slow cooked. Oh, roast chicken I do in oven but have also done that in slow cooker.

Re ppi. Dont write it off yet. Apply and see what they come back with. Dont panic about questions or trying to get the 'right' answer. Just answer honestly about your circumstances at the time and they will decide if it was missold or not. We got ours back because we didn't need it as we got sick pay as we were both civil servants at the time so they shouldn't have added it on. Was an easy 10 min phone call.

I also must have missed something - neither of you are earning enough to pay tax yet you talked before about hating to fill out the vat returns? Is that cos you are maybe reclaining vat perhaps? Cos vat registered is only after about £85,000 turnover? Maybe I'm misremembering, sorry. Have I asked you this before? Sorry, I'm off to four post hill, tired tonight.

Daisy xx

Ps glad the funeral went well Elizabeth, your aunt sounds quite the character

HairyHandofDartmoor

Thank you Daisy . I will apply for the PPI although I don't feel very hopeful about it now.

DH insists upon the business being VAT registered even though we are well under the threshold because he thinks it impresses customers. I've argued with him about this many times but he is very obstinate about it and so I've given up rather than have constant rows about it .

[Deleted User]

HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »

I hate confrontation too and usually cry in those situations . Which is why kindness is the human quality I rate the highest.

You don't have to row with OH though do you? Could you just tell him you're too tired to cook and do sandwiches or beans on toast for a while? He may get fed up with that rather quickly .

I rate kindness extremely highly too, HH:T. And being open minded enough to accept the other person's point of view or at least make an attempt to.


Just to add that I don't row, it's OH that blows his top. I do stand up for myself, I'm not a total doormat, and I've been known to raise my voice more than a decibel or two;). Trying to discuss things reasonably is the best way with these things IMO but it takes two to do that.

Everyone has been so kind but I regret I embarked on this subject and I've said far more than I intended or ever do whoever I'm 'talking to'. I'm embarrassed and would like to drop the subject now if you don't mind. Thanks xxx

[Deleted User]

tantaraza wrote: »

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carbootcrazy PS: When the family kitchen was renovated, it cost ~£800 for the complete units, including replacement sink and tap, and new worktops, from IKEA. They do add a few “bells and whistles” but you can remove those. And our kitchen is absolutely enormous so for a smaller kitchen you could get it for much less. Would OH consider that option?

£800 in total??????:eek:. Our kitchen is about 23 ft long and a funny shape with the widest part about 17ft. The units are about 30 years old and we assembled them ourselves and OH fitted them. They were from the cheapest range at the DIY store when we bought them (long gone out of business) and the laminate on the doors has lifted, cracked or broken after all the years of cleaning (they're white and needed it). The drawer bottoms and backs of many units keep falling out, it's all completely past it. I'm surprised they've survived as long as they have but most people would have replaced them years ago. The walls behind everything are damp and we've been advised that the plaster needs to be chopped back right to the brick, the bricks treated with something and then 'dry lined' and replastered as the best solution. Several 'experts' have advised this approach. We're talking big expense here:eek: One window is massive and needs replacing because the double glazing is all steamed up between the panes, it's impossible to see out now, and the seals have 'gone'. Not repairable. All in all, a lot of outlay. It's not just a case of buying a few kitchen units. OH can do a certain amount of the work himself but he's in his late 70s and it's a big job. Also, some elements of it need a skilled expert


The whole house is in urgent need of a full electrical rewire. About 70% of the sockets in the house are unusable after the main fuse blew for the umpteenth time but couldn't be reset last year. The emergency electrician disconnected them from the circuits and said it's only a matter of time until the others fail too. I could live without the others but it's essential to have power in the kitchen and for a year we've had extension leads (really long ones on cable reels) snaking across the house from any available 'live' socket. We've been warned not to overload any of the sockets by having too many plugs in the extenders. So, for instance, If I want the washing machine on I have to be sensible about what else I have on at the same time. The microwave would be OK but nothing high voltage. It's a lot of juggling and pulling plugs out.

[Deleted User]

daisy_1571 wrote: »

I've caught up and see others thought along the same lines. When I read this I thought "you have answered your own question there cbc". I also agree it doesn't have to be a fight but from the wee bits you've said it sounds like he is quick to overreact and from the idea that he can only tell you hes keeping it all for care homes rather than anything else, when exactly is he planning on moving in to one and getting his moneys worth? I would imagine hes much more likely to resent the cost and stay in his own home as long as poss.

I'm also glad you mentioned how like your mum he is. I spotted that when you were talking about your mum and her difficulties.

I think you could definitely tail off on the 'same as before' and have a lot more simple meals. You wont starve on soup and bread, beans on toast, for a few weeks and if he wants a wee treat a cup-a-soup. Any complaints tell him your saving him electricity. Unless that would backfire.

I hope I'm not out of line here but I hope you have an emergency getting away fund cos one day you might just get sick of this life? I agree about thrifty but the palaver with the bathroom seemed excessive. I know a man similar to your oh and can understand how time drags on with these types. I'm afraid the wife in that couple now circumvents him. He used to have rages and she was scared to do anything as he would overreact and chuck her stuff out etc but he was a bit older than her and age has somewhat withered his physical strength now plus she has confidence in herself now and wont stand for such nonsense any more. You are meant to be a partnership not a dictatorship.

Anyway I'm off me high horse now, carry on everyone

Daisy

Bless you, daisy:T. You're very astute and very skilled at reading between the lines;)


Just to clarify a few things before I close down the subject for good (as I promised to do about 2 posts ago)


OH doesn't need to let any thought of moving into a care home enter his head for years and years:rotfl:. I don't know why he's obsessed by saving so much for such an eventuality.He is very fit and active for his age (late 70s), goes for long bike rides, does all the gardening in about half an acre, is always helping out people far younger than he is when they need to move furniture or move house. We've both been very lucky, people don't believe either of us is the age we are:j


The meal situation is a funny one. I've always loved cooking:j. Even when I had a full-time career and long daily commute I used to cook a 'proper' meal every night. I found being alone in my kitchen and all the chopping and mixing very therapeutic after a long day where I never got a minute to myself. It would seem very odd not to be doing it now after so many years. I've always done all the cooking and OH has always done all the heavy gardening work. It always worked well and we both got to do what we liked doing. It's a pain now with the electrical issues but I still batch-cook especially casseroles and soups which I freeze for esy re-heating whenever we need a hot meal. If I do a roast dinner I have lots of leftovers to use for tasty but easier meals on subsequent days so it's win-win really. I enjoy a 'proper' meal each evening myself anyway and although something on toast would be fine occasionally (and is) it wouldn't really solve much on a day to day basis.


Your last paragraph about an emergency getaway fund really hit the nail on the head. No, you're certainly not out of line and never could be:). And no, I don't have one. I've only just emerged from about £57K of debt:eek:. I've often dreamed about what I'd do if I had the money to do it though;). I missed my chance when I had a good career and was totally capable of starting over and making a new life for myself. I enjoy my own company and wouldn't have worried at all about being on my own. I thought about it a lot but something always stopped me doing it:o. I once went after a job at the other end of the country, definitely not commutable:rotfl:. It was my dream job and a huge promotion. OH was just retired then, he had the option of early retirement from his profession and planned to do other work and some freelance work and part-time employment too. He was drawing his employers pension even in his early 50s, it wasn't a case of me 'keeping' him. He's 6 years older than me and I wanted to carry on in my career. We talked about both of us relocating if I got the job, there's really no major tie to our staying in this area. He wasn't very keen though and I knew if I was offered and took the job I'd be going it alone. I was offered an interview, all travel expenses paid and overnight stays for 2 nights at a swish hotel. I was over the moon and making big plans in my head. And then, for whatever reason I don't know and probably against my better judgement, a week before the interview I contacted them and withdrew my application. I have to confess I've regretted that decision so many times since:o. I might not have actually landed the job anyway but I often think about 'what might have been'. Despite everything and after all these years I think we both need each other. I'm optimistic enough (or more likely naive enough) to think we can soldier on.

[Deleted User]

HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »

Well cooking for four is harder, but I don't get complaints very often .

Yes, cooking for 4 must be much harder especially if various family members have different likes and dislikes:eek:. I hope for your sake that all your men like the same dishes:). I know you're vegetarian so 2 different meals is enough of a challenge every dinnertime IMO


I don't get many complaints either HH. Not surprising is it after what we were talking about before?;):rotfl:



Don't worry that your grocery shop was a bit over-budget this time. It looks as if you got a lot for the money spent. I know it hurts when money is tight (been there, done that many times) but the slight overspend was due to circumstances beyond your control this time. These things have a way of evening themselves out and February is the shortest month:). I'm feeling quite pleased with myself that I've managed to get through so much of January on my challenge of spending nothing but the cupboards are becoming barer by the day:eek: and I'm going to have to go way over my budget in February to stock up again:(. I won't be stockpiling but with winter getting into its stride, memories of last winter's snow when we were cut off for several days and the fact that we live so far from shops means I don't feel happy unless I haveplenty of food in stock however basic it is.


As for your 30 pints of milk:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:. I know you all drink it instead of juice etc but I'm intrigued by where you store it all. Your fridge must be industrial size:rotfl:


Enjoy the volunteering:T. Being with young children lifts the spirits in a way nothing else does:j

elizabethhull

carbootcrazy wrote: »

Yes, cooking for 4 must be much harder especially if various family members have different likes and dislikes:

As for your 30 pints of milk:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:. I know you all drink it instead of juice etc but I'm intrigued by where you store it all. Your fridge must be industrial size:rotfl:

We always had 2 options (just as my parents and grandparents did) - eat it or wait till next meal. It ALWAYS got eaten, but on their birthdays they got to choose what I cooked. Lucky no-one had any medical problems to affect food intake, and often children who came to tea ate things that afterwards their Mum would confide 'They won't eat it at home ' !

I assumed you froze the milk, something I can't do with glass bottles, although I sometimes freeze a solitary pint for emergencies. But neither of our local supermarkets sell a pint of 1% fat, so it has to be s/s.

HairyHandofDartmoor

Well the fussy eater is back at uni, so we can all eat the same. DH, DS1 and DS1 are happy to eat meat dishes or vegetarian dishes. So sometimes I cook meat for them and a substitute for me and sometimes we all eat vegetarian.

It's not as tricky as it sounds. For example I can do baked potato, chips, vegetables, etc, for all of us, and then if the men have chicken with theirs, I can have a vegeburger or similar with mine. If I do spag bol I sometimes have two saucepans on the go, divide the onions, sauce etc, between them and add beef mince to one and vege mince to another, then stir them both at the same time, easy peasy .

I've been a very unmotivated cook since my mum died and have been shoving things in the oven to heat up. But the oven dying is forcing me to cook properly which is good really .

With regard to our 30 pints of milk, we have a larder fridge and a separate upright freezer, which we bought about 15 years ago when we moved into this house. I reasoned that I could stock up on bargain food when it's on offer, and I think they have been worth their weight in gold :T. We buy six four pint cartons of skimmed milk and one six pint carton of semi skimmed. We store them all the fridge and they usually last a week (just about :eek:). We lay four cartons on their side on one shelf and the rest fit in the door.

HairyHandofDartmoor

I enjoyed my volunteering today. It's a very happy place to be because of the children, but the staff are lovely too. It's so nice not to be ill any more and to get back to my normal routine. I love my family and my home, but the two places where I forget all my worries are volunteering and Pilates, so they feel like my happy places .

This afternoon I should do laundry and housework. I also want to print out a few nice photos of my mum to go in frames. I want to rest a bit too, as I'm still fighting my cold and felt a bit dopey at volunteering .

Tomorrow I start my course which is very exciting :j.

beanielou

Glad the volunteering went well.
I am sure that you were not dopey at all

Blimey, the course seems to have come round quick.
Sure it will be great