Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally

HairyHandofDartmoor

carbootcrazy wrote: »

I don't think we'll ever get our kitchen done:(. As you know, OH doesn't like spending any money. He hardly spends any time in the kitchen, just passes through it or makes the occasional cup of tea or coffee. I don't think he ever looks round and sees the state it's in. While ever he's getting a good meal every evening I don't think he has a clue what a pain it is sometimes to prepare it. It just 'magically appears in front of him:rotfl:. A lot of it's my fault as I love a challenge and being able to cook pretty much the same as we had before but with limited facilities was almost fun at first. Now the novelty's worn off big time and I've come to dread making our evening meals 7 days a week:o

Maybe you should start giving DH sandwiches instead of a nice meal? You can be too good at coping you know . Or exlain to him how difficult it is to cope in your current kitchen? He may not realise that it's getting you down and if he knows then he might want to do something about it to help you feel better.

carbootcrazy wrote: »

Please don't get discouraged, HH:kisses3:. You've come so far with this already. Give it a try, what do you have to lose? You might be very pleasantly surprised by what comes of it:T


Who was it on here said 'Who dares Wins'?. It's often very true!

Thank you Carboot . I will do it and I'm very grateful for all your help.

I just feel very tired today . This cold weather is making me feel a bit meh too .

I'm resting now and hopefully I'll wake up full of energy and enthusiasm tomorrow. I've got volunteering tomorrow morning so hopefully that will cheer me up too.

HairyHandofDartmoor

elizabethhull wrote: »

Would it be possible to say exactly that to him ?

I agree because OH may not know how you feel or how difficult it is.

[Deleted User]

elizabethhull wrote: »

Would it be possible to say exactly that to him ?

I have tried but it always ends in blazing rows. He just says if I can't be bothered (which is how he sees it) he'll just look after himself. I expect he'd soon get fed up with that so it might be worth another try;). You don't know what he can be like, though.


We will have things fixed eventually but OH just won't spend money, although he never had any debts and has lots of investments and savings. He could afford the best but always opts for the worst. I keep asking him what, at his age, he's saving it for while living like paupers but he starts going on and on about possible future Care Home costs and the like and I just can't get through to him. It's gone on for so long that I've given up even trying:o


When we had our early 1970s bathroom revamped a few years ago it was a total nightmare. We visited every bathroom stockist, builders' merchant, DIY store within about 50 miles. Then he insisted on doing the rounds again rechecking prices and trying to get further discounts. Nothing wrong with being canny with money but he was obsessed. I think the salespeople were heartily sick of seeing us. At no stage did he invite a planner or fitter in to give us advice, he'd decided to buy the items himself from a variety of places, bath from one, toilet from another etc as he couldn't find a complete suite from any one place that he liked and was cheap enough. I would have been happy with most of the suites and wasn't trying to make him spend a lot on the top quality ones. After all that, with the various items delivered and stored in our garage for ages, he needed to find someone local and cheap to fit it. The layout of the room is all wrong and not user-friendly IMO but by doing it his way meant the new bath, toilet etc had to be fitted in exactly the same places as before. I tiled our original bathroom myself but it's a big room and took ages as I'd never done it before. I wanted a tiler to do it this time and if we'd given the job to a proper company they'd have project-managed the whole thing and the actual fitting and finishing wouldn't have dragged on for about 6 months and would have looked a lot better as a result. The prospect of doing a full house rewire (which is essential), structural and remedial work and a new kitchen fitted as the current one is no longer fit for purpose totally fills me with dread.

HairyHandofDartmoor

DH has emailed the pension paperwork to the accountants and he paid emergency tax on the pension, so I hope he may get a tax rebate. Fingers crossed as we could do with one.

I didn't earn enough to pay tax, so will just need to pay National Insurance. Apart from the pension it will be the same for DH, except hopefully they may give him money.

I was worried that the pension might take our household income over the threshold for my course being free, in which case I would have to drop out as I can't afford to pay £1000 for it. But hopefully they will be happy with my personal income, which is too low to pay tax on so is well and truly under the threshold.

So much to think about and worry about at the moment .

HairyHandofDartmoor

carbootcrazy wrote: »

I have tried but it always ends in blazing rows. He just says if I can't be bothered (which is how he sees it) he'll just look after himself. I expect he'd soon get fed up with that so it might be worth a try;).


We will have things fixed eventually but OH just won't spend money, although he never had any debts and has lots of investments and savings. He could afford the best but always opts for the worst. I keep asking him what, at his age, he's saving it for while living like paupers but he starts going on and on about possible future Care Home costs and the like and I just can't get through to him. It's gone on for so long that I've given up even trying:o


When we had our early 1970s bathroom revamped a few years ago it was a total nightmare. We visited every bathroom stockist, builders' merchant, DIY store within about 50 miles. Then he insisted on doing the rounds again rechecking prices and trying to get further discounts. Nothing wrong with being canny with money but he was obsessed. I think the salespeople were heartily sick of seeing us. At no stage did he invite a planner or fitter in to give us advice, he'd decided to buy the items himself from a variety of places, bath from one, toilet from another etc as he couldn't find a complete suite from any one place that he liked and was cheap enough. I would have been happy with most of the suites and wasn't trying to make him spend a lot on the top quality ones. After all that, with the various items delivered and stored in our garage for ages, he needed to find someone local and cheap to fit it. The layout of the room is all wrong and not user-friendly IMO but by doing it his way meant the new bath, toilet etc had to be fitted in exactly the same places as before. I tiled our original bathroom myself but it's a big room and took ages as I'd never done it before. I wanted a tiler to do it this time and if we'd given the job to a proper company they'd have project-managed the whole thing and the actual fitting and finishing wouldn't have dragged on for about 6 months and would have looked a lot better as a result. The prospect of doing a full house rewire (which is essential), structural and remedial work and a new kitchen fitted as the current one is no longer fit for purpose totally fills me with dread.

Oh dear . I think I'd go on strike and give him sandwiches for dinner every night. If it's that easy let's see him trying to cook delicious meals.

[Deleted User]

HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »

Oh dear . I think I'd go on strike and give him sandwiches for dinner every night. If it's that easy let's see him trying to cook delicious meals.

I know what you mean, HH. Bless you for being so considerate when your whole life is in such turmoil at the moment:A

A lot of this is my own fault, I just can't stand confrontations:o. A relic I suspect from how we had to treat my Mum with kid gloves all my childhood. Even that didn't always work. OH is the same as her in some ways, although not as extreme. His temper and rages are scary to a wimp like me:o. I've learned the hard way just how far I can push.

tantaraza

30 pints of milk :eek: :eek: :eek:

A suggestion for you, HHOD — if you have the fridge space, could you boil the frozen vegetables in the daytime (when you have a spare moment) and then store them in the fridge to be reheated in the microwave when you’re cooking tea? They should keep for 2-3 days in the fridge and hopefully it will be less stressful not cooking the veg at the same time?

I’m sorry that you’re feeling so overwhelmed If you’d like any meal suggestions with minimal stress to cook (eg food that only requires one or two pans) I’d be more than happy to share some ideas.

Do you have a slow cooker? Asda have a 3L one reduced to £10 that I’ve heard great things about, and while I appreciate that it’s an extra £10 to find if you don’t already have one, I truly believe it would make a big difference especially now you don’t have a cooker.

carbootcrazy I second everyone else, let your OH do the cooking for both of you :eek: If he succeeds (unlikely) you’ll never have to do it again, if he fails then you’ll likely get a new kitchen. Win-win. :cool:

PS: When the family kitchen was renovated, it cost ~£800 for the complete units, including replacement sink and tap, and new worktops, from IKEA. They do add a few “bells and whistles” but you can remove those. And our kitchen is absolutely enormous so for a smaller kitchen you could get it for much less. Would OH consider that option?

HairyHandofDartmoor

I hate confrontation too and usually cry in those situations . Which is why kindness is the human quality I rate the highest.

You don't have to row with OH though do you? Could you just tell him you're too tired to cook and do sandwiches or beans on toast for a while? He may get fed up with that rather quickly .

tantaraza

carbootcrazy We appear to have cross-posted, so I’d just like to add — and I apologise if this is overstepping the mark — I’m a bit worried. It’s one thing to be Scrooge and quite another to frighten your SO with temper tantrums.

One thing that I want to make absolutely clear: this is not your fault. At all.

HairyHandofDartmoor

tantaraza wrote: »

30 pints of milk :eek: :eek: :eek:

A suggestion for you, HHOD — if you have the fridge space, could you boil the frozen vegetables in the daytime (when you have a spare moment) and then store them in the fridge to be reheated in the microwave when you’re cooking tea? They should keep for 2-3 days in the fridge and hopefully it will be less stressful not cooking the veg at the same time?

I’m sorry that you’re feeling so overwhelmed If you’d like any meal suggestions with minimal stress to cook (eg food that only requires one or two pans) I’d be more than happy to share some ideas.

Do you have a slow cooker? Asda have a 3L one reduced to £10 that I’ve heard great things about, and while I appreciate that it’s an extra £10 to find if you don’t already have one, I truly believe it would make a big difference especially now you don’t have a cooker.

carbootcrazy I second everyone else, let your OH do the cooking for both of you :eek: If he succeeds (unlikely) you’ll never have to do it again, if he fails then you’ll likely get a new kitchen. Win-win. :cool:

PS: When the family kitchen was renovated, it cost ~£800 for the complete units, including replacement sink and tap, and new worktops, from IKEA. They do add a few “bells and whistles” but you can remove those. And our kitchen is absolutely enormous so for a smaller kitchen you could get it for much less. Would OH consider that option?

Thank you Tantaraza . I don't have a slow cooker and even £10 would be hard to find at the moment. But I'm planning on doing something easy tonight, like just boiling some pasta, heating a jar of sauce and adding a tin of chickpeas and some frozen veg to the sauce to bulk it out.

I absolutely hate cooking but nobody else is willing or able to do it, so if I get any complaints I just say, well if you think you can do any better feel free to take over. That soon shuts them up :rotfl:.