Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally

HairyHandofDartmoor

Looby_-_Lou wrote: »

When my Mum died we were extremely unhappy with an out of hours doctor involved in her care (everyone else from the receptionists to the pharmacist to her GP and all those in between went far more than the extra mile to ease the end of her life).

After a chat with an acquaintance who was a GP we raised a concern about this doctor as we had no intention of suing but didn't want another family to go through what we went through that evening.

The concern was taken seriously and the doctor involved was asked to write an explanation of his behaviour - the consequence was that our NHS Trust declined to hire him again and indeed he decided that general practice was not for him and apologised for the distress he caused.

This didn't make losing her any easier but laid to rest the unresolved feelings of that particular event in the lead up to her death and helped in the sense that we felt we had prevented another family going through such an experience.

Would it perhaps help if you wrote to the hospital expressing your concerns?

I would like to express my concerns in a way, but my stepdad wants to leave it as he says it won't bring her back. So that leaves me in a dilemma. I don't want to upset my stepdad . But it feels unresolved to me.

I'm sorry about your mum Looby.

Willowtree222

HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »

I do feel a bit guilty. I should have insisted they gave her a scan. But four different doctors told me and stepdad that there was nothing seriously wrong with her, and we believed them . Although my instincts told me she was very ill. But I thought the doctors must know best. I didn't trust my instincts .

xx

in_need_of_direction

Even if you had listened to instincts, we always feel some degree of guilt when someone close dies. There is always a what if. You did what you did at the time for all the right reasons. Try not to beat yourself up.

HairyHandofDartmoor

Thanks Nicnak and INOD. Even if they had scanned her at that point I don't think they could have saved her, as the damage was done. But they could have made her more comfortable and we would have have stayed all night and been with her at the end.

But thinking about it does no good.

HairyHandofDartmoor

I feel tired and have a bit of a sore throat, so I should probably take ecchinaccea. DH was very grumpy yesterday, which isn't helping me.

Today I need to find DS1's building society book, help him fill in a health assessment form, and look for DH's debit card. The bath also needs a clean and all the bins need emptying. I've already put a wash on which I can dry outside in a bit.

beanielou

Hope you find the hiding items.
Yah for washing out

doingitanyway

I also just cleaned my bath and sorted my bins. Snap. Have you tried zinc for the start of a cold?
Have a good day

HairyHandofDartmoor

I haven't tried zinc DIA, maybe I should.

I've found DS1's building society book which he'd filed in the wrong folder. I've also cleaned the bath, tiles and sink. I've done a YG survey and am almost on 4500 points. It's only taken me two years!

I've decided not to go out today as I feel so tired, although it's a shame as it's a lovely day. I'll see how I feel this afternoon. Being in all day is very bad for my mood usually. I'm determined to have a NSD today, so if I do go out it will just be to the park.

in_need_of_direction

i'm impressed. not only did you find the missing book but your DS has a filing system!

sashybo

HH sorry to hear you're feeling guilty over the mistakes with your mum. The thing is we're always taught to trust doctors & told that they must be right so a lot of people do suppress their instincts in similar cases.

However doctors are just people like the rest of us & I think everyone needs to feel more able to disagree with them. Easier said than done though.

I know when I was having DS & was transferred to consultant care halfway through my labour (I think my active labour was 16 hours & total labour was 48) as things stopped progressing & DS was in distress. I was completely relying on the doctors & midwives to make the right decisions. It was scary feeling so out of control as we were just told what was happening & I was so exhausted & out of it that I just signed what I was given. :eek:

I hope you can resolve these feelings in a way that helps you without upsetting your stepdad as that seems to be important to you. You do have a point in not wanting the same thing to happen to anyone else though.