Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally

beanielou

Hope you feel better soon

If I was you I would allocate all your men folk a job to do every day.
ie i empty bins
ii put rubbish out & so on.
They live there too

doingitanyway

Wishing you better soon

HairyHandofDartmoor

Thank you everyone. They wouldn't do jobs if I tried to do a rota and I'm not prepared to kick them out of the house. I'd better stop moaning about the housework.

HairyHandofDartmoor

I managed to write all my Christmas cards for school this afternoon which is a job well done. I actually ran out of cards and had to borrow two from DS1 so I obviously need to buy more in the January sales. I had a nap for an hour and feel a bit better. DH is cooking dinner now and I've had my shower so I can relax for the rest of the evening.

I think I'm finding it a bit easier to talk now so I'll definitely do my lunchtime job tomorrow and then see how I feel as to whether I stay and volunteer in the afternoon.

redofromstart

HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »

Thank you everyone. They wouldn't do jobs if I tried to do a rota and I'm not prepared to kick them out of the house. I'd better stop moaning about the housework.

Absolutely get this, I found more negative energy went into making people do things than it takes positive energy to do it myself. The key thing is to not seethe with resentment.

HairyHandofDartmoor

redofromstart wrote: »

Absolutely get this, I found more negative energy went into making people do things than it takes positive energy to do it myself. The key thing is to not seethe with resentment.

Thank you Redo . Yes that's how I feel. I don't resent it because they are kind and polite to me and I want a good relationship with them. Especially as one has had mental health problems, one has aspergers and one has just arrived home after being away for two and a half months.

milann

Sorry you’re feeling so grotty HH.
Take care - will you see your step dad over Christmas?

elizabethhull

HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »

Thank you Redo . Yes that's how I feel. I don't resent it because they are kind and polite to me and I want a good relationship with them. Especially as one has had mental health problems, one has aspergers and one has just arrived home after being away for two and a half months.

Every family has choices on the housework front: usually everyone mucks in or someone (often the woman, still) does it all.
I don't think there is one answer either - you do what fits your home circumstances, your familes' personal temperaments, and set those against what actually has to be done in your household.

Flylady has a lot of sensible suggestions concerning blessing your house, and she echoes what rfs says about not resenting it. You might not be able to change what happens but you ARE in control of how you feel about it. As an example, once I stopped resenting DH's daily splashes on the bathroom mirror and thought of cleaning them up as making it look nice for me, rather than dealing with his mess, it became easier. Not that I'm a shining example of any method, but hey, babysteps !!

I'm sure having good relationships in your family is worth a metaphorical crock of gold !

badmemory

Perhaps it would help if you decide whether they are just being men. I'm obviously older than you & have started to have some bending down picking up issues. My son has mental health issues too, but I have found recently that (provided the curtains are closed) I can ask him to do quite a few tasks. It would never have occured to him that they needed doing even though he has watched me doing them for years!


He doesn't know yet but he has the tree to partially decorate & the stairs to vacuum tomorrow. You have 3 good sons, if they realise their help is needed I do believe they will help & without complaint.


Have you asked your youngest who organises their termtime cleaning. Wouldn't be at all surprised if it wasn't him!

jwil

Glad you are feeling better x