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Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally

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Comments

  • milann
    milann Posts: 11,500 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    That’s a bit of a shock about your step dad. He’ll still be your step dad - I remember my dad explaining how he NEEDED to be part of a couple - someone he could share things with everyday and be there to wake up with in the mornings. It would never take away what he had with my mum as it was something totally different.... It didn’t make me like his wife any better than I did but it made me understand his need to share something with somebody his own age and with the same interests....
    January spends - £587.58
  • elizabethhull
    elizabethhull Posts: 767 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts
    HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »
    I had a bombshell today. Stepdad is going to marry his lady friend in the spring. Will he still be my stepdad after that?

    Wow, didn't see that coming so soon! Do talk to your sister, hopefully she can be of support, know how you feel at least to some extent, have ideas on how to go forward after the news etc.

    Yes, I think he WILL still be your stepdad - do you currently call them both by their Christian names ?
  • HairyHandofDartmoor
    HairyHandofDartmoor Posts: 13,960 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    teafor2 wrote: »
    Evening HHD :) Glad you're having a lovely time with your sister.

    Oh blimey, I'm not sure how I'd take the news about your stepdad if it were me especially as he's been in all your lives for so long. It must feel very odd. Maybe finding out while you're with your sister is a blessing as you can both talk about how you feel. xx
    milann wrote: »
    That’s a bit of a shock about your step dad. He’ll still be your step dad - I remember my dad explaining how he NEEDED to be part of a couple - someone he could share things with everyday and be there to wake up with in the mornings. It would never take away what he had with my mum as it was something totally different.... It didn’t make me like his wife any better than I did but it made me understand his need to share something with somebody his own age and with the same interests....
    elizabethhull wrote: »
    Wow, didn't see that coming so soon! Do talk to your sister, hopefully she can be of support, know how you feel at least to some extent, have ideas on how to go forward after the news etc.

    Yes, I think he WILL still be your stepdad - do you currently call them both by their Christian names ?

    Thank you all. It is useful being able to talk it over in depth with my sister. We feel a bit shocked but feel we need to accept it and be civil. We're going to send a congratulations card tomorrow which makes us feel a bit hypocritical. We do call them both by their Christian names.
    Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 😱 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017 :T 🎉
    EMERGENCY FUND 1 = £50/£5,000. EMERGENCY FUND 2 = £10/£5,000.
    CHRISTMAS SAVINGS = £0/£500. SEF = £1,400/£12,000 PREMIUM BONDS ME = £350. PREMIUM BONDS DH = £300.
    HOLIDAY MONEY = £0 TIME LEFT TO PAY OFF MORTGAGE = 5 YEARS 1 MONTHS
  • in_need_of_direction
    in_need_of_direction Posts: 7,835 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    It’s sad that he didn’t tell you to your face but I’m glad you had your sister with you when you found out
    Mortgage at 01.01.14 £119,481.83:eek: today £0 Emergency fund £5.5/5.5k & £200/200 cash.:jWeight 24/02/19 14st 7lb now 11st 12lb determined to stop defining myself by my mistakes. Progress not perfection.:T100%through my 1% mortgage challenge. 100% through my pb challenge. I’m not perfect but I’m good enough for now.
  • HairyHandofDartmoor
    HairyHandofDartmoor Posts: 13,960 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    in_need_of_direction wrote: »
    It’s sad that he didn’t tell you to your face but I’m glad you had your sister with you when you found out

    Thanks INOD. It did help that I was with my sister. We went and had cake afterwards and talked it over. He was very nervous about telling me.
    Finally Debt Free After 34 Years, But Still Need to Live Frugally
    Debt in July 2017 = £58,766 😱 DEBT FREE 31 OCTOBER 2017 :T 🎉
    EMERGENCY FUND 1 = £50/£5,000. EMERGENCY FUND 2 = £10/£5,000.
    CHRISTMAS SAVINGS = £0/£500. SEF = £1,400/£12,000 PREMIUM BONDS ME = £350. PREMIUM BONDS DH = £300.
    HOLIDAY MONEY = £0 TIME LEFT TO PAY OFF MORTGAGE = 5 YEARS 1 MONTHS
  • jwil
    jwil Posts: 22,397 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    That must have been a shock. It's good you are with your sister. I don't think sending a card is hypocritical, you are wishing them happiness, even if you are not happy with the situation. That's a kind thing to do.
    "Good financial planning is about not spending money on things that add no value to your life in order to have more money for the things that do". Eoin McGee
  • arsenalbarnie
    arsenalbarnie Posts: 581 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts
    Oh bit of a shock for you Hairy. I can understand him in a way. Men seem to not do well on their own and need the companionship. It doesn’t make it any easier for you and the family though. My children would be the same if I remarried. A friend and I were talking once about being on our own and she said if she was one day she would miss having someone to do nothing with. Until recently I thought I would be the widow one day, until my possible cancer bombshell recently. Just to let you know just had the results from the op and it’s benign so am very relieved. It does make you realise that life is too short and you need to enjoy every minute. Maybe he feels like that as I imagine he is in his 80’s? She will never replace your mum, but I think you are doing the right thing being civil.

    Enjoy the rest of the time with your sister. Have never been to Scotland but it is on my list.
    Total weight lost 6.5/73lbs starting yet again. Afds August 10/15. /8 Sept.
  • beanielou
    beanielou Posts: 96,574 Ambassador
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Academoney Grad Mortgage-free Glee!
    arsenal ~~. Never been to Scotland:eek:
    I am a Forum Ambassador and I support the Forum Team on Mortgage Free Wannabe & Local Money Saving Scotland & Disability Money Matters. If you need any help on those boards, do let me know.Please note that Ambassadors are not moderators. Any post you spot in breach of the Forum Rules should be reported via the report button , or by emailing forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com. All views are my own & not the official line of Money Saving Expert.

    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/14.**Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** MFW. Finally mortgage free O2/ 2021****
    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.     ***Keep plodding*** Out of debt, out of danger. ***Be the difference.***
    One debt remaining. Home improvement loan.
  • arsenalbarnie
    arsenalbarnie Posts: 581 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts
    beanielou wrote: »
    arsenal ~~. Never been to Scotland:eek:

    I know nor the Lake District! I have been to York and Scarborough though. I’m a softy southerner :)
    Total weight lost 6.5/73lbs starting yet again. Afds August 10/15. /8 Sept.
  • teafor2
    teafor2 Posts: 3,322 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Arsenal - so very glad to read the good news about your results. xx
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