Best way to protect your child?

bylromarha

My 11yr old daughter has just started secondary and catches 2 buses to get there. We've been prepping her for this since age 9, walking alone, being aware of surroundings, working through "what if's", bus journeys to prep, safety when walking in the dark. She's recently started meeting up with friends in town.

It's part of preparing her for life. We always try to have our eyes on what will come next and put experiences in early to prepare for the day when she has to do things for the first time.

OP -ask your daughter what she feels she needs to help her do this alone. Speak with her as she'll be aware where her gaps are.

Kynthia

I do think teenagers now are much more likely to be victims of crime than a generation ago. So this risk does need to be discussed and mitigated where possible. However it's very common for children to start getting buses on their own from age 11 so I do think a 16 year old should be fine and the OP shouldn't worry so much.

gettingtheresometime

Well on the basis my son travelled to a military base on his own at 14, perhaps I'm not the best person to ask.

But whenever I go out on my own I only use one earphone so I'm aware of what's happening around me.

I'd also suggest she sits as close to the driver as she can.

pearl123

Why instil fear about going on a bus at 16. She'll probably find other people to chat to of her age.
If she were 11, 12 or 13 I could perhaps understand an anxiety.

She is now a young adult.

trailingspouse

What will all her friends be doing?

I think you need to discuss with her what her options would be for things that really are likely to happen - eg the bus is late or doesn't turn up, or she misses her connection. Don't make her over-anxious about things that are very unlikely to happen.

What other things has she never done? Time to start doing them.

annandale

She's already started sixth form. Therefore I assume she's already getting the buses.

DoubleDoors

Kynthia wrote: »

I do think teenagers now are much more likely to be victims of crime than a generation ago.

Is that so?

Genuine question

Savvy_Sue

DoubleDoors wrote: »

Is that so?

Genuine question

I think they're out and about more than I used to be, TBH.

Also I believe that young (teenage) men are more likely to be victims of crime than young (teenage) women. But you tend not to see panicked threads by mothers of boys!

OP, 6th form is the time for your DD to learn all the stuff she needs to know before going to University. One of the things I did for the boys was stop giving pocket money in cash and start giving an allowance to their bank accounts. It had to cover bus fares (weekly ticket) and lunches. If they made packed lunches they could save money; if they walked to school (as one did - 8 miles a day!) they could save money; and if they 'borrowed' money from me to buy a bike (as the youngest did!) they could save money once they'd repaid cost of bike.

But more than that, I made it clear that it was THEIR responsibility to withdraw cash before they ran out, and telling me late on Sunday night that they needed a bus ticket wasn't going to be my problem. And we talked about where the local cashpoints were - and they were NOT near home!

They'd already been getting the bus to school, and we'd talked about all the 'what if' situations I could think of. I didn't think of 'what if you and your 13 year old friend want to walk across town at chucking out time?' and I didn't think of 'what if you come home from your 14 year old friend's party so drunk you pass out on the bathroom floor?' or even 'what if the driver throws you off the bus because you are about to throw up?' and with DS1 and DS2 I never needed to!

But with ALL of them in sixth form we definitely DID go into 'what if one of your friends is ill / is incapable through drink or drugs?' (you STAY WITH THEM and look after them and call either their or your parents!) and 'what if you are stopped by the police?' and multiple times 'NO MEANS NO! And preferably not without a licence anyway.' But they all knew how to use their phones, and that I wouldn't freak out, much.

Yes, we had 'mishaps'. DS2 could get lost in a paper bag, and once failed to find his way from school to DH's work, despite the fact we'd walked it several times, AND I'd gone over the route with him on a map the night before. He followed my instructions precisely: cross the road at Maccy D's using the footbridge and go straight ahead. Sadly we have two branches of Maccy D's in close proximity, and each had a footbridge nearby. He headed north instead of west ... but we survived, and found each other!

barbarawright

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

I think they're out and about more than I used to be, TBH.

Also I believe that young (teenage) men are more likely to be victims of crime than young (teenage) women. But you tend not to see panicked threads by mothers of boys!

OP, 6th form is the time for your DD to learn all the stuff she needs to know before going to University. One of the things I did for the boys was stop giving pocket money in cash and start giving an allowance to their bank accounts. It had to cover bus fares (weekly ticket) and lunches. If they made packed lunches they could save money; if they walked to school (as one did - 8 miles a day!) they could save money; and if they 'borrowed' money from me to buy a bike (as the youngest did!) they could save money once they'd repaid cost of bike.

But more than that, I made it clear that it was THEIR responsibility to withdraw cash before they ran out, and telling me late on Sunday night that they needed a bus ticket wasn't going to be my problem. And we talked about where the local cashpoints were - and they were NOT near home!

They'd already been getting the bus to school, and we'd talked about all the 'what if' situations I could think of. I didn't think of 'what if you and your 13 year old friend want to walk across town at chucking out time?' and I didn't think of 'what if you come home from your 14 year old friend's party so drunk you pass out on the bathroom floor?' or even 'what if the driver throws you off the bus because you are about to throw up?' and with DS1 and DS2 I never needed to!

But with ALL of them in sixth form we definitely DID go into 'what if one of your friends is ill / is incapable through drink or drugs?' (you STAY WITH THEM and look after them and call either their or your parents!) and 'what if you are stopped by the police?' and multiple times 'NO MEANS NO! And preferably not without a licence anyway.' But they all knew how to use their phones, and that I wouldn't freak out, much.

Yes, we had 'mishaps'. DS2 could get lost in a paper bag, and once failed to find his way from school to DH's work, despite the fact we'd walked it several times, AND I'd gone over the route with him on a map the night before. He followed my instructions precisely: cross the road at Maccy D's using the footbridge and go straight ahead. Sadly we have two branches of Maccy D's in close proximity, and each had a footbridge nearby. He headed north instead of west ... but we survived, and found each other!

Really? I grew up in the 1970s and walked to school from 6 or 7 and had a train journey from the age of 10. That's unheard of now. Teenagers I would have though are far less likely to be out and about. They can socialise via the internet while in their bedrooms - much less need to hang around park benches. They drink less and the teenage pregnancy rate has actually halved in the last 10 years. Mobile phones aren't the target they once were now everyone has them. Street crime is very low. I really don't see that there's anything to worry about in a 16 year old getting a bus on her own in the afternoon

peachyprice

barbarawright wrote: »

Really? I grew up in the 1970s and walked to school from 6 or 7 and had a train journey from the age of 10. That's unheard of now. Teenagers I would have though are far less likely to be out and about. They can socialise via the internet while in their bedrooms - much less need to hang around park benches. They drink less and the teenage pregnancy rate has actually halved in the last 10 years. Mobile phones aren't the target they once were now everyone has them. Street crime is very low. I really don't see that there's anything to worry about in a 16 year old getting a bus on her own in the afternoon

I have to agree with you.

I was definitely far more 'out and about' at an an earlier age than any of my children have been, and mine are considered pretty intrepid! At 16 I was at college the other side of central London with a social life with people from all over the city and a 5p and 10p in my purse for emergency phone calls.