Best way to protect your child?

lika_86

barbarawright wrote: »

I've always lived in big cities so I find it truly amazing that someone an reach the age of 16 without ever having been on a bus before. Presumably OP has used public transport though - why do you find the idea scary? I've been travelling by public transport for 40 years and can count on one hand the number of times I've felt the slightest bit uncomfortable (and I've never felt in any danger ever even on nightbuses full of drunks). What do you think is going to happen to her?

To be fair, urban public transport is rather different to rural public transport (I have no idea if OP is rural or not, but the fact her daughter has never been on a bus suggests she might be as she has presumably been driven everywhere). There are generally more people around in cities who would either be witness to something or around to ask for help from. It's easy to feel more vulnerable alone at a bus stop on a dark quiet street than it is in the middle of a city where cars and people are constantly driving by. It's also easier to seek help or security from other people. A lone girl on a night bus full of people is less likely to attract attention than a lone girl on a bus with only one or two other people on.

I have no idea if any of this is the case but I've always felt safer in London than in my quieter hometown (despite the fact that the crime stats suggest I'm much more likely to be a crime victim here).

pearl123

lika_86 wrote: »

To be fair, urban public transport is rather different to rural public transport (I have no idea if OP is rural or not, but the fact her daughter has never been on a bus suggests she might be as she has presumably been driven everywhere). There are generally more people around in cities who would either be witness to something or around to ask for help from. It's easy to feel more vulnerable alone at a bus stop on a dark quiet street than it is in the middle of a city where cars and people are constantly driving by. It's also easier to seek help or security from other people. A lone girl on a night bus full of people is less likely to attract attention than a lone girl on a bus with only one or two other people on.

I have no idea if any of this is the case but I've always felt safer in London than in my quieter hometown (despite the fact that the crime stats suggest I'm much more likely to be a crime victim here).

I live in a rural area and have never had problems with public transport. It is wise however to carry a torch! Bus drivers are very accommodating, they often drop you off quite close to your home.

It is likely that there will be people much younger that her on the bus.

ska_lover

I think the world is a lot different than when I was 16 , a generation ago. You would have to be walking around with blinkers to not see the crime statistics and the lack of policing - this kind of reality reinforces thinking in the way you are OP

However OP, it does seem you are overprotective of her, if she has never even caught a bus yet at age 16 - you do realise she could be leaving home to go to Uni, in less than two years, and you don't even have the confidence (nor pass that confidence on to her) that she is able to catch a bus by herself. This kind of behaviour is damaging - i could sit and tell you the zillion reasons why it is, but seriously just google 'the effects of overprotective parents' and see how long lasting they are - even bringing about long term health conditions like anxiety

Time to let go mother hen

pearl123

100% agree with ska lover. Have a google about overprotective parents.

In a couple of years this young women will have have a job or a relationship. The sooner she is taught that she is a capable person the better!

DUTR

ska_lover wrote: »

I think the world is a lot different than when I was 16 , a generation ago. You would have to be walking around with blinkers to not see the crime statistics and the lack of policing - this kind of reality reinforces thinking in the way you are OP

However OP, it does seem you are overprotective of her, if she has never even caught a bus yet at age 16 - you do realise she could be leaving home to go to Uni, in less than two years, and you don't even have the confidence (nor pass that confidence on to her) that she is able to catch a bus by herself. This kind of behaviour is damaging - i could sit and tell you the zillion reasons why it is, but seriously just google 'the effects of overprotective parents' and see how long lasting they are - even bringing about long term health conditions like anxiety

Time to let go mother hen

And is that the real issue? Not letting go?

PasturesNew

Aged 11 I had to catch two buses and loiter in town between them.

Aged 16-18 I caught a bus into town, then walked the last mile or so across town/grassy park areas, down some back streets to a shabby old classroom ... and back at 5pm when that finished..... and it was dark/winter.

She can probably cope.

haras_nosirrah

torch key ring, topped up smart phone that is not the latest must mug gadget, emergency £10 in her pocket, Taxi number saved on her phone etc.

maybe plan her route together - show her how to work out her route and how to work out which bus to get to go somewhere so if she did get to the wrong place she can work out how to get home.

do a dummy run in the daytime - once together and once her on her own so you know she can do it.

I do agree with others though that she needs to be wise without being scared. I was catching the bus on my own from 11. I used to get the bus to the ferry terminal, get the ferry to school and then walk the 30 mins the other end. At 16 she needs to get these vital life skills under her belt. We are talking before and after school, not 1am. There is no need for her to be afraid and if you start asking her to carry rape alarms, self defence classes and key flick knives then you are going to put the fear of everything into her. She will be perfectly safe

peachyprice

lika_86 wrote: »

It's easy to feel more vulnerable alone at a bus stop on a dark quiet street than it is in the middle of a city where cars and people are constantly driving by. It's also easier to seek help or security from other people. A lone girl on a night bus full of people is less likely to attract attention than a lone girl on a bus with only one or two other people on.

This is a girl coming home from 6th Form at 3.00-3.30, coming home the same time as 100's of other children at the school. Have you been on a bus at school chuck out time? She's unlikely to be on a bus with only one or two adults.

lika_86

peachyprice wrote: »

This is a girl coming home from 6th Form at 3.00-3.30, coming home the same time as 100's of other children at the school. Have you been on a bus at school chuck out time? She's unlikely to be on a bus with only one or two adults.

I was responding to barbarawright's post in this respect, not the OP's issue.

ska_lover

In reality OP the best way to protect your daughter is to let her deal with issues herself, and develop her confidence - unless you are planning to overthink every one of her life decision for her, to the endth degree for the rest of your life. Don't pass on your anxieties to her

I'm talking about giving her the tools she needs to spread her wings and fly , not keep her anchored to you in fear. Protect her by giving her the confidence to make good informed choices - by herself, as she steps into adulthood x