Money Moral Dilemma: Should my friends have paid for my hen do?

Pollycat

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

Oh well, that's fine then.

Both posts were bitter and angry, 'generation wars' are pointless and don't help anybody.

I agree.

I have no idea why someone introduced the subject into this thread.

Red-Squirrel_2

Pollycat wrote: »

I agree.

I have no idea why someone introduced the subject into this thread.

It was Pollypenny, I have no idea either.

On the actual subject, I agree that its impossible to say without more detail. If the hen do was a night out locally it seems a bit tight not to chip in for the bride, if the bride has insisted on a 4 day long weekend in Ibiza its very different!

pjran

providence wrote: »

We don't wonder, we know.
Your wages were more in line with property prices. Property wasn't seen at that point in time as such a profit source. Your wages were more in line with cost of living.

Your generation also weren't expected to do so much work for free (see "internships") to get this oh so valuable "experience" that companies demand for even the most basic jobs, and could walk into most jobs without having to get a costly degree which will take you the best part of two decades to pay off, because you also had maintenance grants that covered most of what you needed.

My generation is still in debt until they are 40 paying off student loans to get degrees that we were told we absolutely needed to get ahead and yet most of us are just about breaking even between what we are paid and rent/bills/repayments.

Your generation had it good, and pulled the ladder up behind you. For the vast majority of under 40s owning a home is a pipe dream, and it is not because of a hen do or avocado on toast, it is because property prices are unrealistic, wages are not enough to both cover rent and save for a deposit.

We don't wonder about your generation, we know exactly how good you had it, and how hard you worked to ensure we didn't have the same benefits.

But now we’re the bank of Mum & Dad :money:

happyinflorida

I'm not surprised you were disappointed that your "friends" didn't chip in and cover your hen do when you'd previously chipped in for all of theirs.

Seems very unfair to me and I'd be rightly peed off if people did that to me too.

The type of hen do and the cost of it has been left out - so I'm assuming you had the same sort of do as others have had and not a far more expensive type of do. If yours was far more expensive, then that would indicate why you were left to pay for yourself, however, a slight contribution towards it would also have been fair in view of what you've said.

I most certainly would not contribute towards the costs of future hen do's if they haven't paid towards yours, unless you're on stockbroker type income and earning far more than all the rest of them?! Then, if you are, get stuffed, stop moaning and put your hands in both pockets!! lol

lizbec

Wow. Just replying to the generation wars thread. I completely accept that young people now have it tougher. Yes I had free university education, yes it was easier to buy a house, but please don't buy into this myth that we had it cushy because it's simply not true for the majority of us. My salary barely covered my (high interest) mortgage payments when I bought my first house. Credit was harder to come by so we had no choice but to live within my means. Having worked all my adult life I now have a work pension of £7k per year - hardly a fortune - and will have to wait several more years before I get my state pension. During my adult years I've not only had to cover the cost of child care (with no help from anyone) but have also had to care for elderly parents. I've supported my 3 children through uni and higher education and helped out with their childcare and housing costs. I totally agree that they have it tough and have campaigned politically for change. We baby boomers are not all selfish and entitled, any more than all young people are and blaming and division is not helpful or constructive on either side.
As far as the op is concerned, personally I don't think anyone has the right to expect they'll be paid for but as usual there's not enough information

phil1edinburgh

No you are not unreasonable - if they didn't pay for yours then clearly you do not have to pay for theirs - "sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander"

Butch1985

I think the OP is being unreasonable. One stag do I was on all the lads decided the night before we left (4 nights abroad) to pay for the stag's flights and accomodation. Another stag do (one day event) we chipped in and paid the stag's part of the virtual golf game and a couple of rounds of drinks. On both occasions the stags were very appreciative and weren't expecting it at all. We were more than happy to do it as well.


It comes down to what is the 'norm' for people nowadays especially when it comes to weddings and all that surrounds it. It really annoys me that people expect or feel entitled to things i.e. hen/stag do paid for, £XXX for a wedding gift etc. I think there is too much pressure put on people now in relation to weddings, the bridal party and the guests. The wedding is meant to be a celebration of 2 people joining as one to live their lives together, not about how much money you put in an envelope or how many courses were served up for the meal. Similarly hen/stag do's are (as far as I understand them) about enjoying time with your closest friends for the last time as a single man/woman.

Pollycat

Butch1985 wrote: »

I think the OP is being unreasonable. One stag do I was on all the lads decided the night before we left (4 nights abroad) to pay for the stag's flights and accomodation. Another stag do (one day event) we chipped in and paid the stag's part of the virtual golf game and a couple of rounds of drinks. On both occasions the stags were very appreciative and weren't expecting it at all. We were more than happy to do it as well.

That's fine if everybody is in the financial position to be able to afford to do that but if someone isn't, it can cause stress.
I've read loads of threads on here about people who can't afford to either attend a hen party at all or are very uncomfortable about how much it's going to cost them

We have no idea if money is an issue for the OP.

Dolly_DD

If this is the only thing the bride has to worry about in her life, then just let her get on with it! I mean really. We're living in a world where folk have to use food banks to support themselves and their families and she is worried that no one but herself paid for her to attend her own hen do! Those that attended were probably having to tighten their belts in order to pay for themselves to attend! They didn't moan as they didn't want to appear petty I'm sure. They don't say whether they expected folk to get a new outfit for the wedding, pay for their own drinks, transport, hotels etc. Or whether these same hens got her present from some expensive wedding list. I hope this awful thing that her friends didn't do for her doesn't affect her married life too much!

Guineapigsqueaks

The spend, spend, spend culture around hen dos, weddings, pregnancies, births is ridiculous nowadays. Baby showers! What are they all about? The adverse effect on people's financial position of all this madness, if it all stopped, there would be less debt, earlier payment of mortgages, more choice to spend your hard earned money how YOU want to, not how you feel obliged to, less clutter from all the stuff bought. There's nothing wrong with saying "those plans are too expensive for me, I won't be coming, but thank you for inviting me" or to focus the spare cash you do have on really close friends and family and say b*gg*r the rest. A few months after you've spent it, no-one remembers anyway. Or if they do, they feel obliged to do the same, and so the spending goes on. You can have a good life with good relationships in it without all this excess. Guineapigsqueaks x