Money Moral Dilemma: Should my friends have paid for my hen do?

Clef50

Why on earth would you expect your friends to pay for your hen do? Weddings are expensive for everyone, why would you want to put your friends under even more financial stress? If you want a hen do then perhaps you should be the one paying for everyone.

MrsAHBD

NO - your friends shouldn't necessarily be expected to pay up (though they may choose to)
YES - you're being unreasonable to expect it.
And I agree with another poster that the whole wedding thing is getting completely out of hand cost-wise. Hen do, stag do, present - usually cash or funds for honeymoon, outfit, accommodation - increasingly in far-flung destinations etc etc. Aargh Mrs Meldrew will slink down off my soapbox.....

dirtmother

No, I don't think your feelings are unreasonable, I think I'd feel a little hurt in your position, although I don't think your proposed 'solution' is going to make you feel better (although better than if you are expected to contribute in future to similar dos for people who were there but didn't contribute to yours).

My perception of a 'traditional' do is something organised, with a degree of secrecy, by the best man, or matron of honour/chief bridesmaid. Obviously smaller than some of the long, involved and expensive events these days but not something the bride or groom had to pay an equal share for. It's an event that has been put on for you not by you. That's the key difference.

I suppose whether it was right in this instance to have at least anticipated not paying for the event depends on whether it is essentially the same group of people and a similar level expense.

pixiebel81

andy40 wrote: »

Those who call here "entitled" appear to have missed the part of the post that says "as that's been the custom at ones I've been to in the past".
If, on any occasion, the custom is for the recipients share to be paid by the others then it seems entirely fair that on this occasion her share be paid by the others - provided the costs are inline with similar events.

There's nothing in the OP to indicate that the friends coming to her hen do have attended any of the ones she's been to previously - she could well be the first in her group of friends to get married, but has attended the hen dos of family members, old school friends, work colleagues etc.

Yes, she's being unreasonable

superfran_uk

It depends entirely. If they organised it, you showed up and then they made you pay for it then yes I guess it would be a little annoying.

If on the other hand you organised it or told them what you wanted, then you should damn well pay for yourself. I'm so fed up of people thinking they are the first people to ever get married. Why is a night in the pub not good enough anymore?!

onlyroz

It is utterly ridiculous to expect your friends to pay for you, especially as these atrocities are becoming more and more expensive as brides-to-be compete with each other over who can be the most extravagant.


It's all fine if the hen do is a few drinks and a meal with some close friends, but these days it seems to involve all-inclusive weekends away, and expensive spa treatments, or trips abroad participating in cringey activities that you'd never normally dream of doing.

Angie_Ward

I got married recently and was expecting my friends to chip in for my share of the hen do (as that's been the custom at ones I've been to in the past). They didn't though, and I feel very disappointed. I'm not planning to pay for their share now when they get married. Am I being unreasonable?

Normally the person organising the hen do would discuss with the attendees if they are chipping in to cover the bride or not before agreeing and booking anything. Therefore you would have known before the event, because they would have asked for your share, giving you a get out of it opportunity if you didn't want to spend the money. Financially not everyone can cover a share of an extra person. It's rude to assume that they can. It's also rude to assume they will.
I've been on and pulled out of hen weekends where I have refused to pay for the bride because of the ever escalating costs.

pollypenny

A night out with friends - yes, they could pay, but not for a weekend away with lavish entertainment or spa treatments.

And people wonder why we baby boomers were able to get on the housing ladder!

Primrose

Hen dos are a pain in the butt finance wise. Weddings cost quite enough these days without all these extras. I didn't even have one. Why the sense of entitlement that others should fund your enjoyment and pleasure? Have a wedding that you can afford to finance yourself, and if you can't afford certain things, don't have them

gabriel1980

No, you should DEFINITELY NOT pay for your hen do!