Money Moral Dilemma: Should my friends have paid for my hen do?

minicooper272

Did anyone whose hen do you attended go to yours? It wouldn’t be fair for them to refuse to contribute to yours in return, but I also depends what you did. Complete difference if you contributed £20 towards a cocktail evening for them, but expected them to split a £600 trip to Ibiza.

If you essentially did the same thing for your hen as those brides did for theirs, then it is unfair that they didn’t contribute. But your bridesmaids might not have known the tradition, and it could simply be that they forgot to ask people to contribute.

minicooper272

providence wrote: »

We don't wonder, we know.
Your wages were more in line with property prices. Property wasn't seen at that point in time as such a profit source. Your wages were more in line with cost of living.

Your generation also weren't expected to do so much work for free (see "internships") to get this oh so valuable "experience" that companies demand for even the most basic jobs, and could walk into most jobs without having to get a costly degree which will take you the best part of two decades to pay off, because you also had maintenance grants that covered most of what you needed.

My generation is still in debt until they are 40 paying off student loans to get degrees that we were told we absolutely needed to get ahead and yet most of us are just about breaking even between what we are paid and rent/bills/repayments.

Your generation had it good, and pulled the ladder up behind you. For the vast majority of under 40s owning a home is a pipe dream, and it is not because of a hen do or avocado on toast, it is because property prices are unrealistic, wages are not enough to both cover rent and save for a deposit.

We don't wonder about your generation, we know exactly how good you had it, and how hard you worked to ensure we didn't have the same benefits.

Vast majority of under 40s I know (and I'm in my 20s), own their own homes. Ok, they’re not in minimum wage jobs or apprentice schemes, but nor do they have huge incomes. It comes down to where you choose to live, and how you choose to spend your money – the guy who blames it on avocado toast was way off the mark, but I know people who complain they can’t afford to buy anywhere while paying out £500 a month on a car. There’s rhetoric out there that gives people the mentality they will never be able to afford to buy anywhere, and so they never try, i's awful media spin.


London is an obvious exception, but you can get a fantastic 3-bedroom house in any other city for a fraction of the price.

CW57

I've just been to a hen do - a meal , followed by cocktails. Prior to the evening everyone put in £10 - this paid for the hens meal & drinks plus some balloons, sashes and table decorations. There was even enough left in the kitty to subsidise the last round of drinks for everyone.

I've turned down a hen do for next year - a week in Spain. The estimated cost is £300pp plus food, drink, entertainment etc, plus a share of the hens costs. Can't afford it either financially or in time off from work.

So is this bride being unreasonable - hard to say

Red-Squirrel_2

providence wrote: »

We don't wonder about your generation, we know exactly how good you had it, and how hard you worked to ensure we didn't have the same benefits.

I think this is a bit harsh, the boomer generation did have it better than either past or previous generations in terms of employment, affordable housing, pensions etc. but most ordinary people weren't trying to do anything to stop their children and grandchildren having the same, they weren't economists, they were just getting on with their lives.

Its galling to see people trying to blame you for your worse situation, as if you could suddenly afford a £200,000 one bed flat if you just didn't go on any hen dos, but most boomers don't think like that, just the unpleasant ones who like to think they are somehow superior. Most people from older generations have genuine sympathy for younger people struggling with low wages and high rents, after all its their children and grandchildren!

Red-Squirrel_2

Pollycat wrote: »

And a lot of us saved hard for a deposit for a house and made do with second-hand furniture and no carpets on the floor or curtains at the window.

People still do that. If you go on the house buying forum have a read of the 'saving for a deposit' thread to see.

Pollycat

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

Its galling to see people trying to blame you for your worse situation, as if you could suddenly afford a £200,000 one bed flat if you just didn't go on any hen dos, but most boomers don't think like that, just the unpleasant ones who like to think they are somehow superior. Most people from older generations have genuine sympathy for younger people struggling with low wages and high rents, after all its their children and grandchildren!

I'm not sure if this is aimed at me.
After all, I did respond to providence's pretty bitter and angry post.

But it's not my children and grandchildren.

Red-Squirrel_2

Pollycat wrote: »

I'm not sure if this is aimed at me.
After all, I did respond to providence's pretty bitter and angry post.

But it's not my children and grandchildren.

Oh well, that's fine then.

Both posts were bitter and angry, 'generation wars' are pointless and don't help anybody.

seven-day-weekend

Why on earth should they pay for your hen do?

lulu69

I'm single and have paid for many hen nights - the last one was games and drinks at her house then a meal out but since it was 3 hours drive from my home it cost a fair amount - along with weddings and it's cost me a fortune. Not to mention gifts for the babies that follow... When there's a big group or a reasonably priced night (there were 10 of us at the one above) it's not a problem all chipping in. Fortunately my friends have stuck to simple drinks, a meal and a bit of dancing so it hasn't been beyond my price range. It all adds up though... She is definitely being unreasonable and should have a think about just how much her friends are paying to celebrate her happiness with the hen night, wedding itself, gift and usually an outfit. She will be the centre of attention and shouldn't expect anyone to cough up further.

scd3scd4

I understand you are hurt when you feel you did what others wanted but not when it came to you.............put it behind you but just make a mental note of them that did not so to speak.