Money Moral Dilemma: Should my friends have paid for my hen do?

brokenpiggybank

I got married last year I paid for my share as it was a weekend away however I had a group of friends that organised a mini hen do for me which they paid for I was touched and offered to pay but they said it was their treat.
I'd say unless they offered to pay it's rude of you to expect it.

gloriouslyhappy

consumers_revenge wrote: »

Bride sounds tighter than a ducks ar5e
It's not an entitlement love!

REJP wrote: »

Refusing to contribute to friends partys is petty and spiteful. .

I do think these hen and stag parties have got out of hand as some of them cost a fortune and go on forever, but in the case of this MMD, if it's been the custom in the past that the bride's share has been paid for, then it's not surprising OP would expect her share to be paid for her when it was her turn and feel a bit disappointed - I think it's unfair for posters on the one hand to call her tight for expecting the usual custom when it's her turn, and on the other hand to call her petty for following the new custom by refusing to pay for others in future, double jeopardy or what!

Revert to the old custom of a few drinks or a meal out where everyone pays for themselves, problem solved and vast amounts of money saved for better uses.

andy40

Those who call here "entitled" appear to have missed the part of the post that says "as that's been the custom at ones I've been to in the past".
If, on any occasion, the custom is for the recipients share to be paid by the others then it seems entirely fair that on this occasion her share be paid by the others - provided the costs are inline with similar events.

surfsister

Several of my friends got married this and last year and at the hen do they all paid for themselves. Just as ell as some went on for days including meals out/dance lessons/river trips/weekends abroad/make up classes/spa trips/cocktail making classes etc etc

Maybe you and your friends have your own arrangements for paying?? Or is this instead of a wedding present?

Never heard of guests paying for a hen do where I live.

nicebutthrifty

I agree that the bride sounds entitled but if she has contributed to the cost of other brides hen parties then not unreasonable to expect that friends would pay for hers. It is getting ridiculous the amount of fuss and money that people spend on hen/stag parties and weddings. (Been in a relationship for almost 40 years but have decided never to get married until we need to for good financial reasons!!!)

MrsM71

The OP is certainly not "entitled" to have her share paid for but if it has become the norm for her group of friends to pay for the bride then it is probably not an unreasonable expectation.

However - where was the Hen Do, how much did it cost, who decided where to go? It may well be that the OP friends simply could not afford to chip in if it was already an expensive affair.

Genuinely can't remember whether I've chipped in for others Dos or whether anyone chipped in for mine. Not something worth falling out over or bearing a grudge for in my opinion.

hello_smiley90

You shouldn't expect everyone to pay for the bride. I have been on a few hen dos where we went out as a big group for a meal and everyone chipped in to cover the brides cost but then it was only an extra £5 each.

I also went on a spa weekend with another bride and it cost me £220 not including all the travel I could not afford anymore to pay for the bride! Never mind that for the actual wedding the hotel waa £255 per night (I didn't stay there) and it cost me well in excess of £250 just to attend because even as bridesmaid I had to pay £60 for make up, buy myself shoes and travel half way around the country.

doctorblunkett

nothing entitled about her problem at all, in any way.

the custom as it has been described ended at this womans hen do when no one chipped in for her, so in no way should she feel obligated to pay for anyone elses hen do.

Pollycat

andy40 wrote: »

Those who call here "entitled" appear to have missed the part of the post that says "as that's been the custom at ones I've been to in the past".
If, on any occasion, the custom is for the recipients share to be paid by the others then it seems entirely fair that on this occasion her share be paid by the others - provided the costs are inline with similar events.

nicebutthrifty wrote: »

I agree that the bride sounds entitled but if she has contributed to the cost of other brides hen parties then not unreasonable to expect that friends would pay for hers. It is getting ridiculous the amount of fuss and money that people spend on hen/stag parties and weddings. (Been in a relationship for almost 40 years but have decided never to get married until we need to for good financial reasons!!!)

doctorblunkett wrote: »

nothing entitled about her problem at all, in any way.

the custom as it has been described ended at this womans hen do when no one chipped in for her, so in no way should she feel obligated to pay for anyone elses hen do.

It depends how much previous hen parties have cost.

It's fine chipping in towards the bride's share when you've had a few drinks in town and then gone for a meal but if the OP's hen party was a weekend in Benidorm, that's a totally different thing.

However, as it's a MMD and we are not going to get any further information <<sighs>>, then it's impossible to say whether she is being unreasonable or not. :cool:

AnnaMonkey

I think this is really difficult,because whilst you can't just assume that it'll happen, if you've always chipped in for your friends before then yes, you'd expect them to do the same.


I think the answer might lie in whoever organises the hen. The ones I've been to have been organised by the bridesmaids, and they've taken the decision on whether we're paying for the bride (all or part of her costs) and asked for it - I've never been given a choice of whether I wanted to, which also means that if I wasn't asked to pay then I wouldn't have thought twice about it. So, if the organisers didn't ask then I'd put the 'blame' on them not on the OPs friends.


I can understand why it'd be very disappointing too. You turn up for your hen, having put in however much for all your friends previously but you're being asked to pay for yourself... you could read a lot into that!