Money Moral Dilemma: How much should we charge our daughter for living with us?

Spendless

JReacher1 wrote: »

You should make adequate insurance to protect you from ill health and redundancy. If you don't then it is your fault.

My daughter has a friend whose family lost their home through their Dad's ill-health. He did have insurance against this. It pays out for 1 year. He was off work longer than 2. Mum couldn't work more hours, due to the combo of needing to care for him and their 3 children (a set of twins in that, before you say stop at 2) who were young at the time. Unfortunate unforeseen circumstances can happen to anyone.

JReacher1

badmemory wrote: »

If she pushes her parents into debt because she refuses to pay her way (I am not talking about rent here but the extra she is costing the household) then I suspect the family relationship is probably already doomed.

If family finances are already tight, and most peoples are these days, then the couple of hundred extra she is costing this couple could mean they have to give up their car. Do you think this is acceptable? I certainly don't.

Where does the OP say they are going into debt?

badmemory

If they are "economising every day" that is the forerunner to increased costs caused by this meaning an eventual going into debt. Or the economising leading to having to give up their car, which you obviously see as acceptable or I expect you would have commented.

Pollycat

JReacher1 wrote: »

I just don't see how one extra person adds that much? Maybe I'll have to pay the cleaner for an extra couple of hours a weekl and increase the food shop a bit but it's not really expensive to have an extra person living in the house.

I can see you really have no idea of what it is like to be on the breadline.

JReacher1

badmemory wrote: »

If they are "economising every day" that is the forerunner to increased costs caused by this meaning an eventual going into debt. Or the economising leading to having to give up their car, which you obviously see as acceptable or I expect you would have commented.

I think you've gone a bit hysterical....


You've read a lot into the sentence. "Economising every day" could mean anything e.g. No longer buying organic veg, shopping in Aldi as opposed to Waitrose etc.

People can reduce costs without having to give up a car or going into debt...l

silvercar

If the family are struggling so much that they can't afford the extra costs of having their offspring move back home, then I do wonder why they haven't downsized in the interim.

happyandcontented

We are not strapped for cash by any means and so we charged our children a token rent to ensure they knew that not all income is disposable and that in the real world bills come before treats/luxuries. However, when they all moved out we saw a massive reduction in all our outgoings.

We expected to reduce our food bill as they could all eat for Britain, but all the utilities also plummeted. This really surprised us as, like JReacher, we had assumed that we wouldn't really see a difference. For low income households it may really be a difference they can't afford.

badmemory

I am able to see this from both sides as I have an adult son who lives with me and in my 40s I went home to live with my parents (with my son) for a few months.

My parents said "as it was for a short time" then they would refuse to take money from me. To which I swallowed my pride & said thank you very much. But it wasn't just about living free with them for a while, it was the disruption to their lives too.

My son has never moved out & shows no incliination to. Until the last few years things have been a little tight, with threats of redundancy (mine) hovering regularly, which fortunately never happened. Threats of his redundancy, which unfortunately did happen several times. We now work pretty much like a house share. But I stress the NOW. When he was younger he just paid towards food (he was costing a whole lot more than that). Gradually over the 15+ years his share has increased. This is why I keep wondering how long is she back for & how old is she? Does she expect to be treated as an adult? If she wants to be treated as a child - how would she feel about a curfew? She can't have it both ways - either an adult or a child. An adult pays their way, a child is a dependent.

Pollycat

silvercar wrote: »

If the family are struggling so much that they can't afford the extra costs of having their offspring move back home, then I do wonder why they haven't downsized in the interim.

Maybe they are already living in the smallest accommodation available (a 2 bed terrace or flat) in a not-so-good area and it's simply not economically possible to downsize.

Not every family live in a 4 bedroom house and have the luxury of downsizing when their children have flown the nest.

badmemory

silvercar wrote: »

If the family are struggling so much that they can't afford the extra costs of having their offspring move back home, then I do wonder why they haven't downsized in the interim.

The trouble as always with these mmds is lack of information. They could be renting. They could have a 2 bedroom which is nigh on impossible to downsize from or a 3 bedroom which would probably not be a viable downsize if you include moving costs. In fact in this area 2 bedroom which tend to be bungalows are more expensive than 3 bedroom semi or terraced.

I still see this as a question of whether this is an adult or a child. At what age do we decide that an offspring is an adult & their own responsibility. At what age do we decide that an offspring who can't be bothered to economise enough to fund their own lifestyle can come back and be subsidised by us. I am not talking here about one who has hit hard times. Just one who thinks when I live on my own I only have £1000 per month to spend, if I go back home & live off my parents I will have £2000 to spend.