Money Moral Dilemma: How much should we charge our daughter for living with us?

Pollycat

coffee18 wrote: »

They have said they are not comfortably off so to expect them to incur the extra costs of their daughter living with them is ridiculous, and if a child of mine expected this I would have failed miserably in trying to bring up a decent human being.

I agree with this.

There's a world of difference between profiting from an adult child living at home and expecting him/her to at least cover any additional costs incurred.
And the latter is what the OP is asking for:

MSE_Sarah wrote: »

Our daughter has returned home after flying the nest as she found the cost of independent living too expensive. She earns over £20,000 a year after tax and has plenty of money left over each month for clothes and social events. We want to be reasonable parents but would appreciate a small contribution regularly to help us with the extra costs and she is not keen on this suggestion. This is causing a bit of an atmosphere at home as we are not wealthy and are economising every day. What would be a reasonable amount to charge?

JReacher1

coffee18 wrote: »

They have said they are not comfortably off so to expect them to incur the extra costs of their daughter living with them is ridiculous, and if a child of mine expected this I would have failed miserably in trying to bring up a decent human being.

If I got in the situation where I couldn't afford to house my own child in the family home without charging then then I have failed miserably as a parent.

Pollycat

JReacher1 wrote: »

If I got in the situation where I couldn't afford to house my own child in the family home without charging then then I have failed miserably as a parent.

But some people do find themselves in that situation through no fault of their own.

Ill-health?
Redundancy?

Can happen to anyone and really shouldn't reflect on the parents' inability to allow a wage-earning adult offspring to live for free in the family home.

badmemory

JReacher1 wrote: »

If I got in the situation where I couldn't afford to house my own child in the family home without charging then then I have failed miserably as a parent.

But we are not talking about housing them are we? We are talking about feeding them, paying for all the extra power usage (& they tend to get through quite a lot) etc etc. How long do we finance our adult children? Till they are 60 & we are in our 80s? Someone who thinks they are entitled to freeload will never stop freeloading without a massive fallout unless it is dealt with from the start.

It is one thing for them to move back home after say finishing studying or a breakup or redundancy or to save for a home of their own & I would say finance that as a parent as much as you can. But to move back home & expect to freeload whilst they chuck money away - sorry not going to happen.

JReacher1

Pollycat wrote: »

But some people do find themselves in that situation through no fault of their own.

Ill-health?
Redundancy?

Can happen to anyone and really shouldn't reflect on the parents' inability to allow a wage-earning adult offspring to live for free in the family home.

You should make adequate insurance to protect you from ill health and redundancy. If you don't then it is your fault.

One extra adult in the house does not make that much of a cost difference despite the hysteria being posted on this thread.

If you rely on your child's income to live then you've got bigger problems than how much rent you've got coming in from them.

JReacher1

badmemory wrote: »

sorry not going to happen.

Well it is happening.....

What do you propose the OP does? Throw her daughter out of the family home?

Ruin the family relationship for the sake of a couple of hundred quid a month?

Pollycat

JReacher1 wrote: »

You should make adequate insurance to protect you from ill health and redundancy. If you don't then it is your fault.

WOW!
You really do live in an ideal world, don't you!

Some people have all on managing to exist on their wages and bringing children up to be able to afford insurance against ill-health and redundancy.

JReacher1 wrote: »

One extra adult in the house does not make that much of a cost difference despite the hysteria being posted on this thread.

Maybe you don't think it does (or would) because you are in a different financial position to parents that know it does actually make a difference to their already-stretched finances.

JReacher1 wrote: »

Y
If you rely on your child's income to live then you've got bigger problems than how much rent you've got coming in from them.

But this family are not relying on their child's income to live.
They are simply asking her to cover the additional costs of her living at home.

mickey54

WOW!
A suggestion right out the Dark Ages.

My parents did this to me when I first started work 47 years ago.
I didn't like it.
Don't get me wrong, I was expecting to contribute towards the household (AFAIK that was how it worked 'in those days') but I was not happy about just having spending money when I had a full time job..
It encouraged me to move out as soon as I could afford to.

That's exactly what happened to me...and over 50 years of working, have never forgotten it.

My own kids, it was dependant on earnings.
Youngest was an apprentice, and he hardly had enough for himself, but what he did give me, he probably got more back in the week.
Two oldest was 20 per week to start, then increasing as their pay went up.
Nowadays, they all own their own homes, and could buy and sell me. And I didn't give them anything back when they left home.

JReacher1

Pollycat wrote: »

WOW!
Maybe you don't think it does (or would) because you are in a different financial position to parents that know it does actually make a difference to their already-stretched finances.

I just don't see how one extra person adds that much? Maybe I'll have to pay the cleaner for an extra couple of hours a weekl and increase the food shop a bit but it's not really expensive to have an extra person living in the house.

badmemory

JReacher1 wrote: »

Well it is happening.....

What do you propose the OP does? Throw her daughter out of the family home?

Ruin the family relationship for the sake of a couple of hundred quid a month?

If she pushes her parents into debt because she refuses to pay her way (I am not talking about rent here but the extra she is costing the household) then I suspect the family relationship is probably already doomed.

If family finances are already tight, and most peoples are these days, then the couple of hundred extra she is costing this couple could mean they have to give up their car. Do you think this is acceptable? I certainly don't.