diary of strugglin working mum

poorbabe

:eek: Back up there a bit Bartgirl (morning, by the way!).

OH is going? You mean you've decided to give him his marching papers?

Fantastic news on the bedding. Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Have a good day :T

BartGirl

I have decided to finally sit down and update everyone on my ‘successes’ to date – in terms of MSE’ing my lifestyle..
I have for the first time in a long time actually got a ‘decent’ amount of money in my account for a change..When I say decent, - I mean something in the region of between £100 - £200 and I’m slap-bang in the middle of that..
That’ll change slightly once I pay my CC instalment this evening – plus it’d have been up by £20 if it wasn’t for my OH and his antics..
We went to supermarket cos DS needs a pair of mittens. OH decided he’d come along too – and while we were there he started putting stuff in the trolley. A coat for himself, oats for himself, dessert for himself..then we got to the till and I was prepared to pay the £2 the mittens cost, when he said he’d got no cash, so can I pay and he’ll get us a take-away the following day instead..I wasn’t amused, but what do you do when you’re at the till, bags packed and the check-out lady’s got her hand outstretched..so that just served as a reminder as to why I don’t go shopping with OH cos that’s typical of him..

On terms of my MSE lifestyle; I have been sticking to everyone’s recommendations on here – of making sure that I make a list of what we’re going to eat every week – and I’ve been doing that on a weekly basis. It works better for me that way, cos it means that I’ll base that around whatever I’d picked up at the market that weekend. I have found that doing that has meant that I benefit in 2 ways: 1. I’m not popping into the shops after work to buy food to cook that evening – cos I already have it in. 2. I’m not withdrawing ‘just a tenner’ to buy food for that evening, and spend something at work on brekkie / snacks / lunch. And I have found that is making a difference to my home life cos since I already know in advance what I’m going to be cooking, I feel less stressed; plus since I’m not popping into the shops either, I’m able to come straight home and have extra time to entertain DS – which I’m beginning to relish now! Having this ‘extra cash’ available has also meant that I’ve been able to help out my neighbour who was in dire financial straits – I know she’ll pay me back cos she works etc but usually I cant help anyone when they come to me in such circumstances..

So in terms of MSE’ing my lifestyle – I went to the wholesalers and spent £58. I’d budgeted £50 max. A tenner of that was for stuff for a friend – she’s already paid me back so that’s going into my savings account. I also spent £10 on bio-oil – I had a facial op a few weeks ago so I;m using that to help with the scarring. It usually costs £20 in Boots. The rest was washing powder, fabric conditioner, rice, olive oil etc – most of which last me 6-8 months so I don’t think I’ll be heading there any day soon.

My ‘big buys’ this month were going to be 1. a digi camera – cos mine’s knackered and I need it for ebay etc 2. pushchair – to replace the one I had since DS was born 3. bed for DS – and I had budgeted £50 for each of those items, since I knew that I had £150 in overtime expected.

1. So I got the camera for £42 incl delivery through Ebuyer – and also using a voucher someone off here recommended
2. Then I got the bed from Ebay for £36 incl delivery – which is in immaculate condition – with the mattress too (although OH’s already whinging about that)
3. I got the pushchair off Ebay too. It was £51 and is also in fab condition. I know you’ll prob think that it’s a waste, but I figured – brand new its £150 – and its not often that I buy stuff that’s new for my DS. That really pains me cos I come from a society where its really hard to be able to afford ‘new’ things and here – the things I’d like are far too expensive and I cant justify the expense either – so it pains me that even though I’m in ‘the West’ I’m still going to charity shops etc to make ends meet…Oh Well – guess I need to learn to get over that.. The good thing about making those savings is that since I had abit extra – I added it to the monthly money I send to my mum and it was her birthday so she was over the moon as she wasn’t expecting anything extra at all. It felt good that I was able to do that for her.

In the meantime I’ve been Ebaying like mad – unfortunately not made much on there yet - £32 so far – and I’ve joined the ‘£10 a day challenge’ on here but that’s a paltry figure…s o I desparately need to pull my socks up for that. Someone from here also recommended I buy a book on self-esteem so I ordered it from Waterstones and went through quidco for that – so I’m pleased with that too..

That’s it for now..

poorbabe

Hi Bartgirl.

Good to hear you doing ok :T although I would have been sorely tempted to only pay for the stuff I'd picked up and leave hubby to it :mad: , even if it meant holding up the queue and unpacking the shopping!

Your efforts reminded me that I've not started selling on Ebay or Amazon, but I've made a step in that direction by getting a box to put 'saleable' stuff in Am away this weekend so will crack on next week as the month is almost over :eek:

Sea78

Hey Bartgirl - how's it all going?

Sea xx

BartGirl

Hi Sea
Thanks for asking after me..
Alot has happened since I was last on here..
My sister and I have done some investigative work and have discovered that my OH is indeed involved with someone else - he more confirmed this himself. Although he's not aware that he did this to my sis and I.
Unfortunately when we found out,I was in the supermarket at the time, and I felt faint and almost collapsed. My sis was really worried at how I reacted - and so was I to be quite frank. Everyone in the queue was staring at us, and to be honest I think it was a combination of many things - I'd spent the last 48 hours in floods of tears; then not been eating, sleeping etc
Before we were in supermarket we'd been sitting in the car and had decided how we were gonna confront him together etc but my sister said we should leave it cos she thinks i wont be able to cope at the moment.Its true that I do feel weak and spineless, but on top of that, I havd also developed a sense of calm and feel 'at peace' cos now i know for sure. What was a suspicion, is a suspicion no more..

poorbabe

:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

BartGirl wrote: »

......but on top of that, I havd also developed a sense of calm and feel 'at peace' cos now i know for sure.

You're NOT spineless luvvy. You just need time to figure out what you do and when. You've been very strong these past months and, in a sense, you've been trialling what it's like to be a single mum. You've survived and have proven to yourself that you CAN and ARE doing what millions of other women do.

Fortunately you are not on your own as you have family support and us Whatever you do from here on, remember it's ok to feel whatever you feel til the sun shines again. One final thing I would add is, if possible, try not to influence your child against his father. It may well turn out to be difficult to bite your tongue but your son needs to discover his father for himself.


:grouphug:

PS: Ensure you hide any spare cash where he can't get his hands on it!

BartGirl

Thanks poorbabe for your kind words.

I now have to tell him that 'i know'..

I dont know how he's gonna take it, but one of the things i did was delete 'her' number from his mobile. For some reason, he's not put it back in his phone, but I'm sure it'll only be a matter of time..

Its interesting because since i've been aware that he's not been in touch with her - i've noticed his whole demeanour has changed. This really is !!!!ing me off because its obvious that while she's 'around' he's horrible to me - and once he's been unable to get hold of her-he's a much nicer person. Although it makes our lives easier around the house, it also means that the truth is that now that he cant get hold of his 'bit on the side' he's decided to be around us more and be a pleasant, decent human being..this is what really p*s me off - but at the same time - at least now i understand the whole thing alot better...

I've made alot of decisions in the last few days that i'll document on here shortly but the support on here's been immense..thanks everyone..

RoxieW

Hi Bartgirl - just wanted to say Hi- i think you're doing so so well and i'm sending you lots of love and hugs. A friend of mine married an asian man and went through exactly the same thing with him it took her years to get the courage to finally leave him but she has and she is honestly much happier. she says she wishes she'd done it years ago!
all the best - love and luck - rox xxx

MidlandsMum

Hi, BartGirl. Sending some love your way. Just wanted to show my support.xx

BartGirl

Hi Roxie

Thanks for your kind words too.

My situations abit more complicated cos all my family are in africa so i'd eventuallly like to be able to relocate there but that means clearing debt plus building savings so the road wont be easy...