diary of strugglin working mum

BartGirl

Hi poorbabe (and anyone else who may read this)

I have told my OH that we're going..I told him my parents have forked out - otherwise there'd have been another 'kick off'.

His response was 'do as you like, why are you asking me for permission (which i was not!) - we lead separate lives anyway - so do what you like - its like we're just living under the same roof and thats its'..so i asked him why he was being like that just cos i want to visit my family and he just threw me a dirty look.

I've been given the silent treatment ever since. He came to bed for an hour, then stayed in living room. This morning once i was up with the little one, he went to the bedroom and is still there now.

Yes I would consider counselling, and I have decided to tell him mum tomorrow - not everything - just the basics. I know she's biased cos none of her kids can do any wrong; i just want to make her aware of how horrible he's been making my life, and that I'll be informing my parents too...

poorbabe

Hi BG

Did you tell your in-law? How did it go?

poorbabe

Anybody heard from Bartgirl? She back from her trip yet?

(Land_of)_Maz

I was wondering too Poorbabe......... hope all's well with Bartgirl.

BartGirl

Hello poorbabe & Maz

Thanks ever so much for your concern.

I'm back and had a fab time being away :T

Fab more or less cos i could devote 101% time to my DS and we had so much fun together which was uninterrupted by my needs to cook; iron; launder; hoover; clean etc

I think he's feeling it now cos he's really started playing up now.

In terms of the OH. He's still here. He's been on his best behaviour so far but I now know that he's got someone new in his life. He of course is unaware of the fact that I'm onto him. I also know for a fact that he's been sleeping with her too..I sat down with my sister and we've decided to hold fire for now. We've got something up our sleeves which is rather drastic but i'll share more of that later if it looks like we're gonna pull it off successfully.
He evidently believes that 'all's well' round here cos he's started spending time at home and making an effort with DS for a change. But its a drop in the ocean and I'm not getting excited about that. Too little too late; they say.
Besides...he;s got someone on the side so i know its all for show anyway...

Financially things are looking up for me. Work may be offering us a pay rise, and I did really well and spent little while i was with my olds...
I actually have some funds in my savings account - which is unheard of for me really ! Although I was naughty and maxed out my one and only CC - the minimum required monthly payment was £ 33 and I paid £100 towards that so I fully intend to 'fix' that prob..

Other than that - thats my update!

Thanks for your concern everyone

- BartGirl

Adrasteia01

Hi,

I'm sorry to hear that your husband's been unfaithful. You deserve someone in your life who will treat you right and be faithful to you. I hope that you find that person, as there are some good men out there.

It looks like you're doing really well with the saving money, and sometimes a holiday helps to put things in perspective.

Tamara

Tustastic

Hi Bartgirl, sorry to hear about the wedlock deadlock but admire you for staying strong. Glad you enjoyed the holiday - I bet your family were delighted to have you with them too.

poorbabe

Morning BartGirl :j

Glad to hear you had a good time. Sounds like it really was just what you needed to get a different perspective on the situation. Isn't it great to have savings

Despite his behaviour, I'm actually beginning to feel a little sorry for your husband as he doesn't know what's coming. However, you sound like you have more than enough strength to do what needs to be done and move forward for yourself and DS. Good for you :T

backtomum

CTC - £123.16

This seems far too much - I hope it is correct for your sake - we are on less than 3/4 of your joint salary with 2 kids and get £44 per month tax credits! Hope you don't think I'm stirring but I wouldn't want you to be hit with an overpayment. Hope things are going better for you and admire your spirit.

BartGirl

Just thought I'd write and update everyone on what's been going on of late..
I'm still very much in an MSE frame-of-mind.
I started off the month by doing my usual monthly shop in Aldi (£ 40); with a few essentials from Asda (£ 12) and i went to our local butcher and bought meat, rice and spices for £40. I usually spend £30 a month there, but i got the rice for a tenner and its a huge sack that'll prob last till summer if i'm careful. I was also in a position to make sure that all bills got paid on time, and my mobil has been maintained at an all time low £ 30 for the month - when i easily would pay £80 - 90 a month!! :eek:

This has meant that its allowed me to put more towards my awful Vanquis CC which has £ 907.28 on it now; but i intend to pay it off £100 at a time. The only other CC i've got has £192 on it so am working on these..

My other debts are:
1. Council Tax - i'm on a payment plan but need to call for an update - i called on Fri but after holding for 20 min i hung up.
2. Provident - £350; they got horrendous APR
3. Computer - £100; interest free. Thats it!!

I have also put some money into my savings account for the 1st time in a long, long time. And although it aint much, its a start - £200. It was £220 this morning, but i was naughty and went into TKMaxx and spent £20 on a new pair of leather Puma trainers!!!! I know..I know..although my 'justification' is that the last pair of trainers I had were bought in summer in a Car Boot - used - they were a fiver; and before that my dad bought me a pair of trainers in 2003 !!!

My aim is to 'save' £500 / month. I need this is as a 'get-away' fund as I have decided that I'm leaving my marriage. I dont have a penny to my name, but if I'm gonna 'go it alone' I need some money behind me. I have got to also find ways of earning extra cash that he wont cotton on to. I have applied for 2 jobs. 1 is delivering catalogue items and the other is teaching. The teaching interview is on Thurs, and i have to call on Mon to arrange the delivering one. I have also asked my work to increase my hours - which should take effect in April. I'm worried about childcare costs; and OH never assists, but i have a friend who's in need of cash and would charge about £15 for the day so i may do that.

Talking about children - my DS is really growing up now and there are so many weird 'n' wonderful things I'd like to do with him, but I',m watching the pennies of course! So I have looked up all the free things in my area, plus have decided to 'reserve' some funds for 1 off afternoons out - like to a local farm may set us back a fiver etc. I've decided that I'll do 1 week free; next week paid; in that order. He wont know the difference of course, but I will. I started this yesterday and took him to the River Thames to feed the ducks. He was so excited and hasnt stopped talking about it!!

Ive been inspired by 'benbenand me' and all the great things that she does with her son - so thanks benben's mum!! Luckily I've discovered loads of free things around here, and my childminder's told me of a gymboree in the local library that he's been to and loved as well - so i'm going to make a list of everything and take it from there!!! :T

Last weekend I spent £15 on fruit and veg in the market but i think i overdid it and still have plenty in; so went back today and spent £2.60 on pears; strawberries and bananas. This is to contribute to my 'workplace' challenge for this month. My challenge is to make sure that I spend NO money on food etc at work. When i was in Asda i bought breakfast bars etc that were on offer, crisps, biscuits etc and filled my locker up! All i do now is carry sarnie;fruit and i have no excuse at all. So far so good; apart from the one day OH ate all the bread, filler etc at night while i was asleep and we had no leftovers from dinner.. i had no choice, but only spent £1.50. Apart from that , i have spent absolutely nothing at work so am immensely proud of that...
I have done a mystery shop that earnt me a tenner, and shall try join AQA. My computer wont let me download the stuff, so shall have to sneak it while at work sometime! That would be ideal.
I guess thats it for now!!
BartGirl's back with a vengeance!!! :j