diary of strugglin working mum

poorbabe

Wishing you luck :T



I don't suppose I could hire you to revamp my food cupboard and (lazy/not doing it) cooking skills?

Once my parents leave on Friday morning, I should get back on track that evening, but I think I'm more likely to at least think about it on Monday as I'm off work for the day , then tell myself to start on Wednesday as that's when I get paid :rolleyes: :rotfl:

BartGirl

Poorbabe:
my cooking skills are horrific - and OH can attest to that too - but i try to keep it simple..
would u like me to pm u some simple recipe's ?
wouldnt mind...

mae

Do you know what, you are not pathetic, you sound very strong in many ways to me. You have amazing ability to get things done and do your best with everything you set out to do. You are very caring and this shows through sending family money and also thinking of your son in terms of splitting from his dad. I think there will be many who can empathise with you on worrying about your son if you end up splitting up so it is quite right that you take this into account and also that you want to feel you have 'tried everything' if/when you call it a day.

You sound from your posts that you are getting stronger and slowly building your confidence by all the changes you are making and the control you are taking and hopefully you are realising how much you are capable of. I totally believe in baby steps (slowly) leading to big changes and it sounds like you have started this process.

When you are ready and maybe slowly you will decide on or tackle this issues and ways forward with your husband. I agree when you say 'why should you lower yourself to shouting just because he does', however also what he is doing here is shouting loud enough to make sure you shut up by the sounds of it and this is bullying in a way.

Maybe you could write him a letter telling him that the last thing you are intending to do is undermine/immasculate him and that what you actually want is to work together to get a better life etc etc etc and that you want your relationship to work for ??? reasons etc etc and then go out and let him take some time out to read it. I was just thinking that if he shouts I assume you don't get your full point/say across so maybe a letter is the best way to communicate how you are feeling?

Anyway keep up the good work and keep us updated.

Good luck.

Ellidee

Aww hon just read this thread for the first time and wanted to send you a hug and to tell you that you are doing great and that you are a star. XX:grouphug:

pavlovs_dog

well done you for staying so focused on keeping an even keel financially when things arent easy for you in your personal life bartgirl - i find that truly inspirational.

reading some of your other threads, its nice to hear that you get some support from you MIL and BIL.. i was worried if anything they might have sided with your OH. perhaps this support is something you could make more use of? reading between the lines, sounds like you still love your hubby, and dont want to ditch him, just want him to pull his finger out.


financially, only thing that strikes me is that you seem to do lots of little food shops rather than one big shop. i know when i do this i end up spending loads more than i do if i get the weeks shop over in one go. do you do this because of practical reasons, or out of habit?

tallyhoh

Hey BartGirl,

I feel for you- you are me 4 years ago with OH who sounds just like yours, even down to the bit about the second hand baby stuff. Couldn't get no money off him at all, after all it was his money. Would look at me blank if I suggested he gave me any & say (quite offended) "I dont have any money to spare".
Then I found out he was spending his money on beer while using CC to finance sailing stuff & holidays/days out with his friends. He was of course living free at home cus I was financing him.
The last straw was when I found he was spending money on some "sort" up North. I chucked him out.
He's back now & finances all the household.

Its not a method I would recommend but sometimes only a big shock will make them see what they really are.

Try not to let him walk all over you. Let him know every day how you feel, (or let him read this thread)

BartGirl

The only reason i'm doing small shops this week is cos i'm aiming to use up whats left in the fridge/freezer first, before i embark on a 'bigger' shop.
I usually do 1 big one at the start of month - butcher,wholesaler and supermarket.

mae

Have you looked at Ikea for a bed for your little one they have some cheap ones in there?

BartGirl

Hi Mae. Yes I have - the only thing is delivery. Which to my postcode is £30. I know it wouldnt fit in my car either..so am looking on ebay and local independently owned shops in my local area. They tend to have free delivery..

pavlovs_dog

i know it has just passed, but if there is a tradition of giving/receiving gifts at Eid, perhaps your family could contribute towards the bed instead of other presents?