diary of strugglin working mum

Mollymop5

BartGirl wrote: »

Thanks Molly
I am feeling alot lot better.
I do feel like a naughty little girl having whittled all these savings away - unbeknownst to OH.
But it also feels good to not be propping him up 24/7.
Yestday he was trying to get stuck into all the lil activities i was doing with DS - like playing in the rain etc - but it was weird and felt unnatural ???? dunnno why he's bothering ???

maybe he's realising things are changing.when I left, my ex realised exactly what he'd been like.We talked alot after I told him I was going ( I was lucky this way I know) and unbelievably he changed.My life with him was trully miserable(as I've told you BartGirl).We're now best friends.I could never go back to him but I know that's what he wants more than anything!

BartGirl

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

He is probably finding you more attractive now you are being strong and independent and standing up to him

KM:

he better not be finding me more attractive :mad: i dont want him anywhere near me - he repulses me. He's alright to talk to when he's not doing his habit or when he's behaving like a normal person - but thats about it..

I cringe when he comes near me, and i deliberately dress in a way that he wont find me appealing..this for me is the hardest part; i literally lie back and think of england. Sorry for the Too Much Info there but its the truth.
And i know he gets a kick out of me cringing..

BartGirl

Mollymop5 wrote: »

when I left, my ex realised exactly what he'd been like.We talked alot after I told him I was going ( I was lucky this way I know) and unbelievably he changed.

I could never go back to him but I know that's what he wants more than anything!

I think you're really strong for not having gone back to him - especially if he has changed.

I know i wont be able to tell OH I'm going - i'm too scared of his reaction. He'll just find out. I'm frightened of him - and having no family around doesnt help. He's v. aware of this..

There waas a point where i thought i'd stay put if he changed but i just dont trust him any more and more importantly - dont fancy him either. He's insulted me, my parents etc so much that i cant actually forget. Forgive maybe but not forget.

Keeping_Motivated

I must say the nosey part in me is wondering what on earth his habit could be?!!!!

But you say 'i know he gets a kick out of me cringing'... So he is not just a !!!!!! OH he is a bully and an abuser... The sooner you are out of there the better, as you obviously already know, but you are making steps in the right direction. Don't answer if you don't want to but why do you lie back and think of England, what would happen if you actually said NO?

You should be proud of yourself for the way your are handling him and moving forward.

Km x

Mollymop5

BartGirl wrote: »

I think you're really strong for not having gone back to him - especially if he has changed.

I know i wont be able to tell OH I'm going - i'm too scared of his reaction. He'll just find out. I'm frightened of him - and having no family around doesnt help. He's v. aware of this..

There waas a point where i thought i'd stay put if he changed but i just dont trust him any more and more importantly - dont fancy him either. He's insulted me, my parents etc so much that i cant actually forget. Forgive maybe but not forget.

That's exactly why i can't go back.Too much has been said.Alot of it was general put downs over the years about how I looked or how fat I was ect.Now when he tells me I look good I don't believe him.It makes me cringe also.He is a much better person now and is unrecognasable to the man I left but the trust is just not there.If the trust goes I just think there's no going back.We need to be friends for the kids who I have to say have a much better life now than they did.They spend alot of time with him now and he wants this time.When we lived together he never showed any interest in them.Leaving everything to me.

BartGirl

Molly i cant believe how similar things have been for the 2 of us.

I'm gonna go now cos i'm crying and dont want DS to see.

Need to cook, clean etc before HRH gets up

And clear cookies on here etc - dont want him knowing i've got this diary

See u all l8r

Mollymop5

BartGirl wrote: »

Molly i cant believe how similar things have been for the 2 of us.

I'm gonna go now cos i'm crying and dont want DS to see.

Need to cook, clean etc before HRH gets up

And clear cookies on here etc - dont want him knowing i've got this diary

See u all l8r

You've got me going now.Take Care and have a good day

suexxx

Hi Batgirl,
I just wanted to say i think your doing great and you should be so proud of yrself.
I was married to my abuser for 13 yrs,was both physically and emotionally abused ! i to was to scared to leave.
The beatings i could kind of handle but the emotional/controlling stuff just destroyed me.
I to had to lay there and think of England ! because if i said no then there was more trouble,so i just layed there and got it over with.
Everything about him repulsed me,his smell/the way he ate/his stupid false laugh,Everything ! and like you i did things so he would'nt find me attractive,wore frumpy clothes,hardly washed my hair,ditched the makeup etc etc.I put 4 stone on because i was that deppressed i just comfort ate.I had my running away savings too but it never built up as i always had to dip into it.
Well things came to a head one night,my eldest daughter tryed to help me one night and he beat her too !
The next day i fled with the kids,I left with abit of money but that was it.
I HAD FINALLY DONE IT ! but if i'd had the guts to do it sooner then my daughter would'nt of got hurt.
Police put restraining order on him so he could'nt come near me,i had to contact hem as i was scared of him comming after me !
Well all that was nearly 3 yrs ago,i can now do what i want when i want,got my own key to my own front door,ive lost the weight,i'm still single but have been on afew dates i really don't know myself.
so please don't be afraid,get out of there !
i would never let anyone treat me like that again !
The only problem i have had is with money,because i left with nothing i racked up aload of debt deposit for rented house/furniture etc and i also spent lots on days out and treating kids etc (oh and new clothes and nice hair do's for me)but i was enjoying my freedom so much i did,nt care so this week ive contacted CCCs and have decided to go on DMP and sort my finances out .I to have no family nr me and it is hard,but i just look back at my life before and i feel better again !
Anyway i know this has ended up being a novel lol but just wanted to say
Your doing great and "YOUR NOT ALONE !

p.s...Is husband a cannabis user ? sorry not prying,its just his antics etc make me think along them lines

All i lived for was my kids

Keeping_Motivated

Hi suexxx

I'm so glad you are now out of that situation well done for turning your life around. I hope your daughter has also got over what happened to her. I hope Bartgirl can take some strength from your post.

I agree she shoudl get out of there asap. Bartgirl have you considered getting in touch with something like womens aid to get advice and support?

BartGirl

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

Bartgirl have you considered getting in touch with something like womens aid to get advice and support?

Yes I have - i shall try speak to them once he's out of the way. He'll be home all week till Mon

Ebay has disappointed me with only 2 items selling despite having loads of watchers ?????? i think its cos there's been so much footie on this afternoon...only made 20 squid ..am gutted..have relisted anyway.