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Partners and friends of the opposite sex
Comments
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When you have a relationship with someone, you meet each other's needs.
However, if Girl A is a friend that you value, then you have an "interest" in her. If meeting with her and texting with her, makes you happy, she is meeting some of your needs, and Girl B is only N x more important to you. Girl B is therefore making more of an investment in the relationship than you are. Imagine you and Girl B agree to bet on a horse together, so you can win money for your joint future, but you keep back a few quid, just in case. It doesn't matter that it is only a little.
Do you actually think Girl A is ugly and unpleasant, or if you were in different circumstances, might things come together ? Could you enjoy a relationship with her alone, which didn't have "benefits" ? If so, then she is an emotional safety net. If Girl B doesn't have an equivalent male friend, then she will wonder why her company isn't enough.
Some people have allergies and phobias ; so imagine Girl B is allergic to Girl A. Decide which you want more.
I get out of Girl A the same as from all my friends (male and female)...they are people I value and bring something I like in to my life.
I get out of Girl B all of what I get from my friends plus more, emotional, mental and physical etc etc. That is why she is a potential long term partner and girl A is a friend.
When I first met girl A we were both single, at no point did anything romantic develop or try to develop. I do not have romantic feelings for girl A and as such I could not have a romantic relationship with her. She has the qualities I look for in a friend but not a girlfriend. It was Girl A who persuaded me originally to go on proper dates with girl B.
Girl B has a male mate who she meets up with regularly. She has met up with her male mate more times in the last 4 months than I have with Girl A either on her own or with her partner in the last 18 months. This is what I don't understand why she can have a male mate and it not be an issue but my female friend is.0 -
Personally as long as you are open and honset about your friendship with girl a to girl b it shouldt be a problem.
one of my best friends was my ex, my bf is fine with me being friends with him, it probably helps that said friend has 2 n kids and a fiancee so nothing would ever happen
though being a hippocrite i have a small issue with him being friends with his ex, mainly because she wants to stay over....in his bed with him. That to me is pushing boundaries I;d never in a heartbeat share a bed with my ex, it would feel wrong, platonic or notThis is a system account and does not represent a real person. To contact the Forum Team email forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com0 -
date women not girls? problem sorted.2021 GC £1365.71/ £24000
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That's the crux of the issue. It's no dissimilar to men you tell their girlfriends what to wear, when they can go out etc...my point of view is not about the friendship with Girl A it was the principle that she cannot expect to dictate my relationships and how I interact with others that I consider as friends etc.
Your girlfriend sounds insecure and controlling. She has a problem that she wants you to resolve to make her feel better by taking actions that will make you feel worse. How is that fair?
I'd say ditch her as it will only get worse.0 -
I wouldn't take that from my partner - in the same way that she wouldn't take any sort of controlling behaviour from me.
My best friend is female. We've known each other for 25 years and she has been an absolute rock for me. We have lunch every couple of weeks and meet up sometimes in between.
When I first met my partner one of the first things I organised was a meet up with my friend and her partner. I was always ((and have been since) open and honest about the relationship with my friend. My OH and her get on well - they have each other's phone numbers and we go out in a group with them sometimes. My friend is stunning, intelligent and funny and women do get jealous of her.
Fortunately, my partner is a grown up. We trust each other and she enjoys my friend's company. It wasn't needed but it is patently obvious when you see them just how strong a couple my friend and her partner are. He's a smashing bloke (except for being an Arsenal fan!) and me and him get on well
My OH did say that if she was the jealous type (and having had two marriages break up) she'd be more suspicious of a new female friend than an existing one
The only thing I would say is that, in my experience, partners sometimes think that their partners tell friends of the opposite sex more in depth stuff than friends of the same sex. I can relate to that; one of my closest female friends could be quite graphic to me when she was dating! She's happily married now0 -
That's the crux of the issue. It's no dissimilar to men you tell their girlfriends what to wear, when they can go out etc...
Your girlfriend sounds insecure and controlling. She has a problem that she wants you to resolve to make her feel better by taking actions that will make you feel worse. How is that fair?
I'd say ditch her as it will only get worse.
Agree 100% with this. She's also a complete hypocrite in that she has a male friend she spends more time with but doesn't accept your friendship with Girl A is just that. Run for the hills before you find her gradually controlling your life more and more.
Remember, you are much closer to finding a healthy relationship when you are single than when you are in an unhealthy relationship. It's not worth wasting your time on someone who isn't emotionally secure enough to be in a relationship.0 -
Just wondering where people stand on friends of the opposite sex when in a relationship?
My situation: Partner of nearly 10 months has given me the ultimatum of remain friends with a girl but break up or lose the friend and remain in the relationship.
..................
game over right there......0 -
Dump girl B.
She clearly has jealousy issues and is insecure, so not ready for a relationship.
My ex was like that. There is a good reason he is now my ex!Should've = Should HAVE (not 'of')
Would've = Would HAVE (not 'of')
No, I am not perfect, but yes I do judge people on their use of basic English language. If you didn't know the above, then learn it! (If English is your second language, then you are forgiven!)0 -
Your partner is being irrational and childish.
'Girl A' is not an ex. She is a friend. It may make a bit more sense if 'Girl A' was an ex - but she's not.
An ultimatum over someone you've only seen 6 times in 18 months?
'Girl B' is being exactly that - a girl. It sounds like teenage games. How old is she?
Do you really want to live the rest of your life with 'Girl A' giving you ultimatums so she can get her own way?
Especially as she seems to think that it's perfectly OK for her to have a male friend.
Have you asked her how that is 'different'?My partner has a male mate... but that is different apparently!! I am at a loss, really am!!0 -
Get rid of Girl B.
HBS x"I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another."
"It's easy to know what you're against, quite another to know what you're for."
#Bremainer0
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