Partners and friends of the opposite sex

getmore4less

seems to be some confusion

10 June single and desperate.

So, approaching my mid 30's and single after splitting from a long term partner end of last year Been trying to get back out there to find potential new romantic partners and have absolutely no idea how to in my current situation.

link to thread below
no mention of the "current GF" that at that time was the latest breakup after around 5-6 months just the previous one last year

2 Aug not so single and 10 months in.

My situation: Partner of nearly 10 months

again no mention of the break up 2-3 month gap.



https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5662878

determined_new_ms

Pay_me wrote: »

That is the thing I am sturggling with it is not like I see this girl or talk to her daily it is occasionally. Her partner has no issues and me and him have become friends including doing stuff together.

I have no problems with friendships of the opposite sex I was brought up in a family were it was normal both parents had them. My friends have them. In previous relationships girlfriends have had them and It does not worry me. I don't know how to deal with my current partners insecurities. She wont meet the girl, the facebook thing was mental. I had to say to her look at the photo dates that was from before we got together etc.

I agree getting in to a relationship does change things in that your partner becomes a priority but it does not mean they become your only thing etc. My partner has a male mate... but that is different apparently!! I am at a loss, really am!!

sorry I'm late to the party so haven't read all of the posts. But this one struck me as the thing is she does have issues around this. There are a whole spectrum of reasons why someone is insane with jealousy at one end and another person is completely fine with it at the other. That's one of the things we have to navigate when we start to develop a serious relationship with someone.

I am much more jealous about relationships with the other sex, my partner much more relaxed about it. But in the main we don't overly develop 121 relationships with members of the opposite sex so as not to ruin what we have. That's an area of compromise we were able to get to, but it took it's time. We both do have pre-standing relationships with members of the opposite sex who we spend time with, but less 121 time than prior to getting together, and more getting together in group couples things

There are people we both spend time with who to be fair aren't our cup of tea and we could take it or leave it but the relationship is important to the other so we go along to the events for the other one

It's all about working out where each other's lines in the sand are and where you're prepared to compromise and come up with agreements you're both happy to live with

Fireflyaway

The main thing is that you and your partner agree. If you both think its fine / not fine there is no problem. Obviously you have a few differences of opinion here. Is it worth conceding for the sake of the relationship? What's most important? Is this friend that important or is making your partner happy more important because it doesn't seem you can have it both ways.
Personally I wouldn't like my husband having female friends! I think its very unlikely that opposite sex friends ( maybe if one is gay?! ) can be just friends. One will probably fancy the other to some degree and if it upsets your partner its not worth it.

onomatopoeia99

Fireflyaway wrote: »

The main thing is that you and your partner agree. If you both think its fine / not fine there is no problem. Obviously you have a few differences of opinion here. Is it worth conceding for the sake of the relationship? What's most important? Is this friend that important or is making your partner happy more important because it doesn't seem you can have it both ways.

Though according to the fifth post on this topic, the OP's girlfriend is having it both ways, with a male friend of her own.

Anyone that issues ultimatums in a relationship is bad news, as are hypocrites (see post 5 - his girlfriend has a male friend of her own, but that's different apparently).

onlyroz

gabriel1980 wrote: »

Platonic relationships with the opposite sex don't exist. You may not have acted on it, but you want to get it on with this female friend.

Don't be ridiculous. I have plenty of platonic male friends. As I work in a male dominated field I'd be pretty lonely if I didn't.

NeilCr

Fireflyaway wrote: »

Personally I wouldn't like my husband having female friends! I think its very unlikely that opposite sex friends ( maybe if one is gay?! ) can be just friends. One will probably fancy the other to some degree and if it upsets your partner its not worth it.

I think the "if it upsets your partner" thing is the issue here. From this thread it would appear that the partner's "upset" is unreasonable. You shouldn't just not do something because it may not be what your partner would like. And I speak from experience here. That's a slippery slope

Personally, if my partner tried to stop me seeing female friends then I wouldn't be around long. And yes, as I have said before, I am attracted to some of them. But, as long as everyone is grown up about it it shouldn't impact on anything. Other female friends I do not fancy - and I'm pretty sure the vast majority of my female friends don't fancy me! :rotfl:

maman

gabriel1980 wrote: »

Platonic relationships with the opposite sex don't exist. You may not have acted on it, but you want to get it on with this female friend.

That's a ridiculous statement. It may apply to you personally but as a generalisation it's nonsense.


I'd better warn my male friends that I'm about to 'get it on' with them!:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

gonzo127

maman wrote: »

That's a ridiculous statement. It may apply to you personally but as a generalisation it's nonsense.


I'd better warn my male friends that I'm about to 'get it on' with them!:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

haha i have to agree, i should probably tell my best friend of over 20 years that i have only ever wanted to get in her knickers!!!!!

System

gabriel1980 wrote: »

Platonic relationships with the opposite sex don't exist.

Yes they do, as long as neither of you want more than friendship or are attracted to each other.

beautiful_ravens

Ive had a similar problem most of my life, being a woman who prefers male company/friends. Its caused at least one ruckus in every relationship Ive had.
My now DH is ok with it because he is good friends with the same blokes. But I can almost guarantee that if I met a bloke today and became friends, DH would not quite believe that they werent 'after something'.

I think a big problem with opposite sex friendships is the perceived potential for cheating.

It may be that OP's partner sees something in the other woman/friend that she considers worth being worried about. Maybe its 'what does she know about him that I dont dont' kind of worries. Maybe its just that friendships have no particular strings or obligations compared to relationships and its a jealousy over an easier style of relationship.